I started getting sick when I was 12. I got really bad and lost it about 4 years ago. I am better now. But my family wont have anything to do with me. I am 58, and my parents are old, they dont understand me at all. I live by myself. They put pressure on me to work, but I cant. I stay at home by myself and never go out unless I have to. I have lost my kids, and grandchildren because I am schizo. I love them so much, a lot went on and people took advantage of me when I was sick. Have any of you lost your family because of this? I feel like my heart will break sometimes. And just feel why not just stop living. I have no friends. I feel like people will hurt me. I have lost everything.
Hang in there. It is your battle. Why not participate in some sort of activity somehow. There mus be something you feel passionate about. Live your day moment by moment. Don’t dwell on people you’ve lost if they had to make it to your present they would be here but it would be good to call them every now and then just to keep in touch. Have faith and keep well. I’m sorry for you but please try to improve the quality of your life by being active at something it would help dramatically. Best wishes
My family has blocked me on their phones, I have told them I am sorry, for things I have said or didnt say. They yell and scream at me and tell me they are going to call the police on me if I dont leave. You have to realize these kids have the same thing I do except they dont take meds. I have very little money, or I would do something. But money stops a lot of things.
You have friends here. Maybe you can find some kind of community support for the elderly or the mentally ill. I don’t know about your religious beliefs, but have you tried church? Maybe if you took up a hobby - like maybe writing. Almost every town of any size has a writer’s group. Keep trying to reach your kids and your grandchildren. It would be too bad if they didn’t reconcile with you.
Yeah money does stop a lot of things but they’re things to do that are free.Do you have a mental health clinic in your town? They have groups you can attend. Check it out. In regards to your family you can’t change people just let them go.
Thank you. I wondered about NAMI, they are about 15 miles away.
Good advice. Find something to do. Take small steps. Maybe volunteer with animals one day a week, for an hour or so. When you start feeling a little better, go out and get coffee and sit outside. Take a walk. It’s bad to sit alone and stew like I do. My family tells me it is unhealthy for anyone to be by themselves too much. Schizophrenic or not. I’m sorry you have to go through this. But it’s a free world, go where you want.
I’m sorry that you’re family treats you like that. Some people are just not strong enough to deal with all this. You’d think it would be the sick, who are the weak ones, but we are often the strongest.
I’m just the opposite of you.
You want to gain others trust, and hope they understand you. Right?
Because of my shizo, and believing something changed my reality to where it feels like nobody will accept me or just don’t want me around. Its a experience one must go through to understand… I think.
Even though I’m the opposite. I understand what you mean, I can relate because I was once the center for my family (I think) and help share word amongst us. Even got to know the sides nobody went to see. I am still like that but my shizo makes it difficult to even get around others.
So I decided to turn around. Say ‘no’ and ‘yes’ to things I probably would never say ‘no’ and ‘yes’ too. I’m turning my back from family, closing my relations with friends and other close relatives. Why? Two things: Scizo, and believing something effected my reality to a new.
I request nobody say anything about my decision. thanks.
I hope for the best for you. I hope, one day, you find a resolve and live happy… Even though. There are things that might not change. IF their ever happy, and you know about it, shouldn’t that make you happy enough to accept things are going to be ok(heard it from a show I once watched)?
My father has schizophrenia. When I was 12-years old, I began running away from home. From 12 to 18, I was more homeless than not. I have never been an homeless adult, but I am sometimes scared to become homeless.
Here comes the support I can offer you. No matter what challenges we face, we have to overcome depression, feelings of not being wanted, etc, with our own passions for life. Sometimes we are uplifted by others’ triumphs. Sometimes by being in awe of nature or creativity. Sometimes we are aware of our own courage. However debilitating depression and the other can get, the act of overcoming the strongholds can be personally empowering.
Some relationships mend. When they don’t or when the loss is overwhelming, focus on everything respectful and encouraging.
For starters - I am not “liking” your post due to the agony it contains in it - I wanted to inform you that I am “liking” it only out of the respect that we are mutually in the same situation.
Things with me didn’t start to worsen until I was 18, however, I had a hunch that something was abnormal by the age of 14. People seemed to be successful in school, where I was too occupied with things that were too “immoral” to speak with my father of. Granted, I still graduated, but it was more difficult for me than it seemed for others. (College, however, I am free to be as inane and bizarre as I want where its actually gotten me respectfully acknowledged for interesting theories.)
I’ve never been able to establish a relationship with someone that will fully be able to or attempt to grasp what I experience on a daily basis - that includes my husband who still doesn’t understand. I hide in my house in the same way that my pet hermit crabs (Zoidberg and Asmodeus) hide in their shells. Work is something I am illogically fearful of as it causes severe anxiety and episodes. I don’t talk to my parents and I’ve even become astray from my children.
I love my children, but this is a whole 'nother situation that’s lengthy and unnecessary to explain. Merely, I just wanted to tell you - you’re definitely not alone in this and if anything, you’ve connected with others here who understand and can make up (even if its a small fraction) for the idea that you haven’t lost everything because you’ve got us…
Thanks everyone for responding to me. It does make me feel like at least someone understands. I did try to walk, but have asthma and it was hard. I am afraid people will think I am weird if I say something wrong. I have been called crazy. Have any of you been called that? Or treat me like I am stupid. Or a liar. Little things upset me. Does anyone else have this problem. When I get scared I start shaking and cant stop it.
But thanks for writing me, I do kind of feel like I am not alone. Thank you.
One of the biggest insults to me is being called stupid or retard/retarded. My husband’s family and friends seem to use this insult as if its nothing, but children name calling one another in elementary school, but I take offense to it because I do actually struggle in various things - including how to cope with life, have a job, and even when I was in college, I worked incredibly hard to have a 4.0 so I could appear as average and equal.
My husband, when he gets upset at me, enjoys telling me how illogical he believes I am because I’m too sensitive to everything around me. Anything mean that he, his friends, his family, or my family has ever said to me has and will stay in my head for days (sometimes even months). It causes me to feel such an anger that I have to repress - my chest pounds and begins to feel heavy, my fists ball up, and instead of hating everyone else… I always find that I hate myself instead. My internals want me to get violent, but my morals won’t even allow me to have any form of revenge.
Sometimes being called those names makes me want to go back into self mutilation and its a thought that I just can’t seem to get past, but I haven’t actually done anything to myself in a year. My husband told me once that if I could go three months without cutting, he would literally pat me on the back and tell me he was proud. Last fight we were in, I reminded him what he had said and what he told me was “If you really need to have a pat on the back for simply being alive, then that is truly stupid”. Resentment rose in me… I get where he was coming from with the idea of not turning to suicidal behavior, but with how I used to be worse than I am now, how I thought he would be more proud of my change and using the term stupid to reflect my progress of change - It’s made me quite hateful.
I lived with self-hate from a tender, preteen age to my mid-twenties. I never want to go back to that. I want to learn. I want to hear what others are contributing to. I want to explore. I am older now, but I remember that part of my life.
My parents pointed fingers at me and told me I was crazy–crazy for wanting FAMILY.
I have posted the title of this book here before. Maybe you and others can use it when approaching families. Book is called The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty Simon Baron-Cohen is the author of the book.
I read your post. I felt the perfection to defeat it or carry on with it in your tone. Lately, I have to tell myself—let it go and all will be ok. And in my case, that is the truth.
Does your husband respond out of pure meanness or out of a mixture of powerlessness, fear and personal comparisons?
In my self-hate, I distanced myself from everyone. Looking back at that blasted duration of my life—I ran with the wrong attitude.
I am sorry your family doesn
t understand your disease. This happens to so many families-I dont know why.
Please don`t worry about losses at this time. All you have to worry about is your own health. NAMI would probably be able to help with support for you. Do what you have to to take care of yourself first–then everything else will follow.
maybe your doctor knows of some support groups too.
I was the same in terms of self hate. My father viewed me as a psychotic (Die-hard Christian that thought I was possessed rather than “ill”) and although my mother had in a sense as well, she wasn’t as malicious about it. Rather, she became creative in how to handle me through fun activities. I used to love to write short stories that were morbid and targeted human disgust or fear. Before she would go to work early in the morning, she would ask that I write for her a story so she could read it during her lunch break. It was even fun when she would “grade” my writings. Sometimes, she’d even give me a failing grade so I would be more determined to try harder and to try harder, I did. It taught me a lot and it was one of the only things I never looked hatefully at.
I do love a good read and your suggestion of “The Science of Evil” sounds very intriguing. I will look into it.
As for my husband, he responds according to the severity of whatever has him pissed off. When having an episode, it seems to make him the meanest. He believes in “tough love” and tough love includes acting distant and rude with me so I’ll miraculously recover on my own, even though he knows this will never happen. He snaps out of his meanness before I do my episode and lately, he’s even began changing how he handles to me during episodes. (I think he’s realizing that his previous method doesn’t work).
here’s a bunny hug…hope you are feeling better !?!
I am glad that you are feeling better. Don’t worry about the people who judge others. They are trapped in themselves. If you have Asthma, keep your inhaler handy all the time. Don’t be embarrassed of facing people. Don’t be afraid of that someone will make fun of you. We all do many stupid things every now and then which don’t change our mental capacity. No one’s thinking can effect your mental capability unless you choose to.
Go for walk…If you like cooking, do that…Spend time with people…If you can work in some volunteer role, do that. No matter how little you do, I am sure you’ll feel better when meeting people through volunteer work.
Flowers, does your family put pressure on you to work but not show you love? What is it about your family that you love so much?
And if you don’t mind, flowers, I have a few others questions to ask???
The younger ones in your family, whom you miss and love, what are their personalities like?
Would they watch Cliche Love Song - Sign Language Cover by Camilla Abelgren (and Basim) and be in stitches? Would they hoot and laugh along with Camilla Abelgren? Would they boast for Camilla–stating she pulled that off with handfuls of stars? Or would they bore of the video?