Some odd occurrences

DX'd - Other
1

Lately I’ve been doing really well, been able to work, repax, and sleep. Not alot of voices and feeling very positive with a clear mind.

I woke up this morning for work and just had a feeling. I felt that i was a target for hate, not inwardly this was the vibe I was receiving. I brushed it off and got busy with work. It eased up and I was still genuinely in a good mood. I started another task and it came back.

It was the feeling I used to get alot. As if someone had a wad of my brain/mind/energy and unravelling it out of the side of my head like a ball of yarn.
Like my energy was being sucked out by a leech. I was still calm and collected but this sensation as well as knowing my internal dialogue was being scrutinized eventually turned me angry.

I’m a good guy, never wronged anyone, I’ve experimented with drugs in the past bit as far as the evils and sins of this world I’m a pretty innocent person. So I get on Twitter just to pass some time during a break and keep reading a bunch of random people saying things like “this is the karma you deserve”, “You kiss alot of ass to be so innocent”, etc…

When this happens it’s like something is sucking the good mood and energy out of me then throwing crap into my mind space and acting like I’m this horrible low life person.

Have anyone else experienced all your focus being pulled to one side of your head then losing your energy through that point. I can physically feel my brain, muscles and tendons in that area become weak and numb. Like that spot of my head becomes like play dough. I can’t ■■■■■■■ stand it. It totally changes my mood and my atmosphere.

The ■■■■ had gotten old. It’s gas lit, they take subtle necessary moves or gestures and totally blow them out of proportion as well as normal talk being twisted. I’d describe it of having everything internal and external intensity times 100 while certain spots are numbed completely.

Feels like I’m subconsciously programmed for this to be easily done.

The sensation in the right of my head is there 75%of the time. Like someone is touching my brain and peering into my mind.

I feel completely retarded when this happens because I feel like it pits the world against me.

2

I almost always feel my brain tingling and moving about. Sometimes I feel like its being stretched and pulled, I remember when I took things like acid my brain would feel horrible, like all the water was sucked out of it. I usually feel like I’m the one disturbing other people’s minds.

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I used to feel like I was causing alot of issues. But I’ve done alot of changing in good ways.

I feel as if I’m being scolded, shamed, and punished if I don’t go along with this thing when it happens

4

I’m sorry, man.

All of that sounds terrible.

You didn’t do anything to bring this about,

And no one is touching your brain or messing with your mind,

Its just the illness.

Are you medicated? I forgot…

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5

I’ve felt exactly that way. I was very sure my piano recital would go well, I had practiced it so well. When I went on stage, that feeling you described happened in the right side of my head. The only thing that saved me was the fact that I had practiced so well, I was able to dismiss it as not a usual or necessary feeling. It had happened a lot when I was a freshman, before I had made any friends. Repetition for stability and security is what I recommend - maybe repeating a favorite quote.

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I don’t take meds. Besides this all my other symptoms are gone. This only comes on 2 or 3 times a week.

I do believe it is caused by my past trauma but in the sense that people think that I’m on that mindset. It’s pretty crappy

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This seems to bring a feeling of being alone with no one there. When in reality i prefer to be alone and enjoy my own company .

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2-3 times a week is pretty frequent,

And the symptoms are severe, what you’re describing sounds awful.

You should talk to your doctor about it,

Try something to get it under control.

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It is really crippling at times. I’ve always tried to over come it with positive thinking and reasoning as well as strength and discipline. Like if you downloaded a program for your computer ajd only had to push one button on the key board to get a chain reaction of frying all the good software.

I honestly don’t know what is causing it, it seems as much physical as the physiological effect.

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Sz is causing it.

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I don’t believe that. I don’t believe I’m ill anymore . I don’t believe a mental illness can fry a certain spot in my brain out of no where. This is different. When this isn’t happening everything is perfectly normal. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells to keep what ever is happening from driving me crazy. It’s all this pain and sensation. There isn’t emotion and thought behind it. It is on the surface then moves inward. I feel like I’m holding it to the wall of my skull.

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So what makes you think it can’t be sz is that we call it a “mental” illness?

It’s neurobiological, it’s too bad people don’t see it that way. It’s as biological as Alzheimer’s.

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The reason I don’t believe it is because sz I’m not psychotic, I’m emotionally and physically stable.

There is something to this and it isn’t an illness. It’s too intwined on a social level. This is what has held back my progress all these years. What makes this so odd, is I get these random names in my head while this is happening. Random ass names, This triggers my mind to handle things as if this was a person cashing this. Not neccisarly the person or persons of the random names bit I believe this is a distraction from who or what is doing it and trying to make me place blame on them or feel more embarrassed by what what is happening.

I’m so tired of it. I refuse to be a slave to this. I refuse to be a puppet of whatever this is. I refuse to be made into a psycho and suffer socially and financially buy this

14

When you say “who or what is doing it” that part sounds a bit delusional unless by “what” you mean misfiring synapses or weird brain chemistry.

There’s no who, although people may have mistreated you, they can’t make names pop in your head.

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Whatever it is it’s miserable at times and I can’t reason and sooth it away like I can anything else.

Should I just totally ignore the sensation and keep focusing like it isn’t happening? Maybe this will take the wind out of it’s sails instead of me mashing on it like I can force it out of my head lol

16

Yep, I get that kind of thing.

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Honestly if I knew how to make it stop, I’d be wealthy (or not, I’d probably give it away). But mostly I think there’s no benefit to feeding into it, that’s the best I can do. And meds, of course.

18

The only meds that I’ve taken that alleviate this is benzos. My new doc will not prescribe them because they do not make money prescribing them.

The best way I can describe it is hot wires like all the nerves in my body are pulled to that spot.

Sucks that I’ve came through so much and found my sanity without meds but I have to face this. When I’m with people sitting it doesn’t happen. When Im alone totally relaxed or when I’m working it does. It makes no sense.

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What do you do?

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Not much alleviates it but I try to just think of my positive attributes and appreciate them. Almost vengeful as if I’m insulting whoever is watching. I have also convinced myself that what is “actually” going on is that I am a healer and people are using my abilities or emotions to fill voids in their own abilities as per the everyone has telepathy delusion. I still get mad at them and nothing has gone away and I sort of feel like a slave but at least a noble one. I just mentally rub it in their face that they’re so weak as to need my assistance.