Something constantly forcing me to do what the maddening thoughts say

Unusual Beliefs
1

Has anyone experienced someone forcing them to do all the stupid things being beamed into their head while also weakening their ability to resist? In addition to having all this garbage pumped into my head, it’s like there’s someone here constantly trying to force me to do it. And it keeps happening. And everywhere I go, every stupid thing every idiot says just keeps making it worse, and keeps repeating that this is who I am and that I’m the one doing this, and that all this garbage is coming from me. What did you do to have this end?

I’m losing it. Everyday my health deteriorates, everyday these idiots keep repeating how stupid and full of it I am, everyday I get dumber, everyday I get weaker, and my life just keeps getting worse. Everyday it’s more stupidity, and it all keeps happening. They keep repeating that I’m a homosexual (and homophobic), superficial, stupid, dishonest, illogical, rude, self-centered, sociopathic, and to blame for everything that’s happening to me. They are constantly trying to force me to list things out, swear, yell, make a fool out of myself, and run around like yelling at everyone and constantly yelling like the idiots they keep trying to say I am. They constantly keep saying that I’m the one putting everyone down to pretend that I’m better than everyone, that I’m the one that’s doing this to everyone, that I’m the one that’s full of it, that I’m the one that’s wrong, that I’m the one that doesn’t know what I’m doing, and everytime they say these stupid things, something happens to make it look like they are right and they don’t stop repeating it. Everyday, no matter what I’m doing or where I am, everything I see is constantly twisted until it can be used to say how right they are and that I’m exactly who they keep saying I am. Everytime something stupid is said about me, something magically happens to make it true. Every stupid thing that’s ever been said about me is magically becoming who I am. Everything that’s good about me is gone, and all that’s left is more garbage. They are constantly forcing in crap and trying to say that’s who I am. Everywhere I go, I get nothing pointed at me but more stupidity and all there is are more people saying it’s all true, and that it’s exactly who I am. I’m losing my mind. I can’t take this anymore. It’s been 4 years, and all I’ve heard is nothing but the same crap repeating over and over again. Everyday it’s just more stupidity, and everyday, I waste away and nothing but this garbage is left.

They constantly force me to react like a highly sensitive idiot to everything. They want everything to hurt my feelings. They are obsessed with the feelings thing, and with having everything hurt my feelings while constantly saying it’s because I’m heartless and don’t have any emotions and need to become more human. It’s just constant stupidity. They have an excuse for everything, but it’s stupid everytime. They take every stupid thing everyone has said about me and wants to say I am, and they use it to excuse themselves of all they are doing to me, and to try to twist things around to say it’s my fault and that I’m getting exactly what I deserve.

I don’t understand why this is happening to me, why nothing has worked, where all these ailments are coming from, why they keep trying to force me to do all this garbage, why they keep trying to say all these things about me, or why, no matter where I go, they just keep saying the same garbage. Everywhere I go it’s the same stupidity, and all they do is look for a way to twist around everything that’s happening until they can say it’s my fault or something I did to drag everything on even longer. No one cares about having any of this go away. Everywhere I go, they just keep looking for ways to make it worse, while constantly repeating that they are just trying to help. I’m going mad having this all repeated over and over again, and there’s nothing but more garbage entering my life. Every bad thing that can happen to me keeps happening, and all everyone keeps doing is looking for a way to make it worse while sinking further into the stupidity that I’m anything like what I’m being accused of and like I’m to blame for any of this.

I can’t breathe anymore. I can’t do simple things. Everyday, it’s just more of this garbage. I’m interrupted constantly no matter what i’m doing, and it’s just more garbage. Constant garbage. Constant garbage being pumped into my head constantly accusing me of things I didn’t do, accusing me of being things I’m not, saying I’m contradicting myself and am full of it, and getting in the way of whatever I’m trying to do.

Anytime it seems like anything good is about to happen, they start taking credit for it, then it all magically gets twisted around to being the same garbage while they constantly repeat it’s my fault. There’s actually not even anything good happening, they just like pointing at anything and saying it’s something good and that they did it, and that, “see, you’re imagining things, everyone is trying to help you” to once again accuse me of something stupid. Then they repeat it constantly trying to force me to say and believe something stupid so they can once again correct me like it’s anyone but them saying something stupid. Then they start shitting on whatever it is they kept repeating to ensure that nothing good can come of it and to ensure that there’ll continue to be nothing but ■■■■ in my life. Everything is unfair. Everything is them being jealous of something. Everything is me getting more than I deserve. Everything in my life should be ■■■■ according to these idiots, and they’ve ruined and shitted on everything to the point that there’s nothing else. Everything in my life is ■■■■, they think I’m still lucky, and everyday they try to add more.

I don’t know where this is all coming from, but everything that gets pumped into my head happens to me, no matter how stupid it is or how stupid it sounds, and all there is after is some idiot trying to say how right they are. They are obsessed with trying to say how right they are and with the fact that they can predict what’s about to happen, and with saying they are better than me, better than everyone, smarter than me, and that I’m an idiot, dumber than them, and should do all the stupid ■■■■ they say.

It’s all ■■■■■■■■. These are some of the dumbest shits I’ve had to be around, and now, no matter where I go, all I experience is their ■■■■. No matter where I am, whether I’m alone or not, no matter what I’m doing, all I hear constantly is all the stupid ■■■■ they say along with accusations that I’m the one doing it, that they are the ones that know what they are doing, that they are the victims here, and that I’m getting exactly what I deserve.

I’m losing myself. I’m losing who I am. And I’m being replaced with ■■■■■■■■. Everything about me is ■■■■. Everything I am now is ■■■■. It’s just constant ■■■■. Every rotten thing about all these idiots I’ve had to be around is being forced into me and I’m being twisted and shitted on as they force me to become this garbage. I don’t feel anything. I have no emotions. I’m dead inside. Nothing makes me happy. My sex drive is gone. They’ve shitted on my genitals. And even there it’s more ■■■■■■■■. I’m now no longer able to last more than a minute without ejaculating, everything is very sensitive to the point it’s painful and not very pleasurable, there’s the constant bullshitting from the idiots doing this to me (“hahaha, can’t last long,” “one minute man,” “you’ve been neutered” along with patronizing comments and all the other stupid shit you’d expect an idiot to say), my bladder is constantly full, I’m pissing myself, I have random UTIs, and on and on it goes.

I’m constantly being forced into a state where I’m having my feelings hurt. Everything hurts my feelings now. They are obsessed with having that happen and with repeating that phrase. Hurting my feelings. Just the sound of it annoys me. Nothing hurts my feelings. My feelings don’t get hurt, and all these idiots have tried to do is have it constantly happen, while saying this is who I am. They use everything as an excuse to say I’m garbage, and to force more ■■■■ into my life. It’s constant ■■■■■■■■. Everything they say is stupid. It’s always ■■■■. And my life is getting worse, and every stupid thing they are accusing me of is starting to look like and become more like who I am. Why should everything hurt my feelings? Who says these stupid things? It’s like my head is about to explode. It’s just constant ■■■■.

Medication doesn’t help.

They are also obsessed with having me constantly and blindly do what I’m told. They are obsessed with saying the dumbest things about me. They are obsessed with having me do the dumbest things. They never stop. It’s always on. Even when I’m asleep I start dreaming and it’s just more ■■■■■■■■. They are obsessed with constantly correcting everything I do. They are obsessed with then saying that this is who I am, and that this is what I do to everyone. They are constantly trying to take all the ■■■■ they do and say that it’s me, and that it’s what I do. They are constantly taking all the ■■■■ everyone else does and forcing it onto me accusing me of being the one doing it.

Nothing makes it go away. I have no ability to resist what they are forcing me to do. And everytime I go into the Psych Ward, they just try to force me to give in even more, and all they do is say the ■■■■■■■■ these idiots are saying is true, and that this is who I am. Everyday, they try to do exactly the same stupid ■■■■, insult me, insult my intelligence, call me stupid, call me a sociopathic dead emotionless ■■■■, and try to force me around like some ■■■■■■■ idiot. Do this. Do that. Do this now. Do what you’re told. Follow instructions. Take this. Go there. It’s always more ■■■■■■■■. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. They try to ■■■■■■■■ that everything is what will help, and that there’ll be no help if I don’t keep doing it, but it doesn’t do ■■■■. It’s just more ■■■■■■■■, and they just keep trying to say more of the dumbest ■■■■, then use it to force me to do more of the dumbest ■■■■.

I’m losing my mind dealing with this idiot. Everyday it’s just more bulllshit, and the more they ■■■■ on my life, the more they try to say it’s me. The more they blame me. The more ■■■■■■■■ there is that magically shows up that proves that all the stupid ■■■■ they are saying is true.

I don’t want to disclose anything. Nothing is anyone’s business. I don’t want to go around like an idiot constantly telling everyone everything about my life, especially these idiots, but that’s all they keep trying to force me to do.

EVERYTHING THEY TRY TO GET ME TO DO IS STUPID, ADDS MORE ■■■■ AND MISERY TO MY LIFE, AND NO ONE DOES ANYTHING BUT TRY TO MAKE IT WORSE!

WHERE THE ■■■■ AM I? WHAT KIND OF ■■■■■■■■ LIFE IS THIS? WHAT THE ■■■■ IS THIS ■■■■? WHY THE ■■■■ IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? WHAT THE ■■■■ IS GOING ON HERE?

And then they force me to write this ■■■■ out. Constantly. And it’s always set up so that it won’t do ■■■■. Everything they force me to do leads to more ■■■■■■■■. There’s never anything else. It’s always just more ■■■■■■■■.

They like forcing me to read the news. Everything is an addiction. Everything it’s like I’m some crack addict and can’t get enough, but I can’t stand doing any of this. Everyday they force me to read the news then try to blame everything that’s happening on me. Everyday they try to use that ■■■■■■■■ to ■■■■ on my life even more, accuse me of more ■■■■■■■■, say how right they are, and say that I’m getting exactly what I deserve and that I’m the ■■■■ they keep saying I am. Everything they do shits on my life even more.

WHY CAN’T I FIND ANY HELP? WHY ARE THEY OBSESSED WITH HAVING ME LOOK FOR HELP? WHY WON’T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE?

I’m always miserable.

I keep getting forced around in circles and nothing is happening except my life going straight to ■■■■. And it’s not ending. And not only is it not ending, the ■■■■ that did this to me is getting away with all of it, and I’m being accused of being the one that did it while the other idiots say no one did this to me and that I did it to myself.

I don’t know what to do. It’s always just more ■■■■■■■■. I don’t want to turn to anyone. I want to be left alone. But even then, it’s just more ■■■■■■■■. In everything that happens, they try to rip my life away from me and replace it with some garbage, while saying this is exactly what I deserve and while saying this is what I said I wanted. Everything that happens is another ■■■■■■■■ excuse to accuse me of something. I’m constantly being accused of the dumbest ■■■■. Everything they say is stupid, and all they do afterward is try to ■■■■■■■■ about how right they are, and that I’m exactly the ■■■■ I’m accused of being.

I don’t think anyone knows what to do. I don’t think it matters. I think if anyone knew how to make this go away, they’d just use it as another excuse to ■■■■ on my life even more. They’ll do anything to have my life get worse and to take all their ■■■■ out on me.

Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid. Everything they say is stupid.

It’s just constant stupidity. And everyday I become more like the ■■■■ they constantly accuse me of being.

2

my voices used to say horrendous things and get me to action them…but i never have.
it is maddening but this is your mind, you are in control of it.
if a stranger on the street tells you to do something bad…would you do it…no.
so the voices in your head are no different.
we have an illness where the voices never stop…but that does not mean we are also stupid or gullible.
this is your mind, you can control it.
take care
p.s heads up , long posts are difficult to read for some of us.

3

Sorry I’m still half asleep so didn’t read it all. Think I’ve got the jist of it though. Half the battle is realizing that they are just irrational. The other half is the battle of disrupting the thoughts themselves. Some of the mindful therapies deal with that CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) is one of the most successful and available worldwide. ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) is one I’ve had better success with though. So there is help there with them if you want it.

4

SOMEONE IS LITERALLY FORCING ME TO DO ALL THE STUPID ■■■■ THAT GETS PUMPED IN. THERE ISN’T AN URGE TO DO IT, IT JUST MAGICALLY STARTS HAPPENING, AND THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO TO STOP IT. AND THE ONLY THING THAT HAPPENS WHEN I GO ANYWHERE IS THEM TRYING TO MAKE IT WORSE.

I can’t do anything. Everyday, I repeat the same crap over and over again, and I can’t think of anything else to do. Whenever I try to think of something else, or try to look for something else, my brain shuts down, the insanity being pumped in gets worse, and I magically start doing the same ■■■■ over and over again. Anytime I try to write code or anything else that’s something other than this garbage, my brain shuts down again, there are constant mistakes, even the most basic things take an eternity, and the madness is pumped in full force as someone sits there talking to me, constantly insulting me, constantly wiping my thoughts whenever I start doing anything, and constantly doing anything to prevent me from being able to do anything while constantly repeating how stupid I am. Everything these idiots say is stupid, and nothing I do makes it go away.

I normally ignore the stupid things that are said to me, and the stupid things people accuse me of and accuse me of being, but in this case something is wrong. In addition to the insanity and the stupidity being repeated in my head, there’s someone forcing me to do all of it, or if they can’t force me, then later on I just magically find myself doing them. It’s like someone telling you to jump out of the window, and you just flip them off because it’s stupid, then all of a sudden someone else takes me over and I start walking towards the window without knowing how, and the only thing on my mind is jumping out, and there’s nothing else I can think of, and there’s nothing else I can do.

I’ve never heard of this happening with any mental illness patient, but I think someone did this to me anyway, so maybe they are trying to force me to do all the stupidity they are pumping in as well.

I’m sick of all the CBT and acceptance talk. I don’t think this is coming from me, I don’t think I’m the one that did this, I don’t think I’m the one that went insane, I think someone did this to me. And I get annoyed whenever these people trying to blame yet something else on me (and help the shit that did it get away with it) by trying to say it was me. Everything keeps magically getting twisted around until it looks like it was me, but I know it wasn’t. I had no reason to go insane, no genetic predisposition to this garbage, or anything else that would allow me to think it started with me. What did exist, however, were a lot of rotten, stupid, sociopathic people around me that had been constantly working to ruin me and that kept constantly accusing me of being all these things trying to rip out anything good about me and replace it with garbage so they could go around thinking no one was better than them. It’s obvious one of them did this to me. Anytime they said anything stupid, all of a sudden, the worse my life would get, and then there someone would be trying to rub it in and trying to say, “maybe you should shut up and do what you’re told, maybe you should accept the fact that you’re not that good, maybe you should learn your place” or some other such stupid thing.

I just want to say it again. Someone is literally forcing me to do all the stupid things that are said. I would think of taking the bus halfway to somewhere, then taking a cab the rest of the way, then rather than not having to do that, there’s magically only the option of taking a cab the rest of the way. They start saying something stupid about my bladder and reproductive system, while trying to use the excuse that I never follow through or that I’m always looking for the easy way out (they are constantly repeating this excuse, that my life is too easy and I never follow through, and I need to suffer because I need to learn this or learn that) as the reason they are going to drag everything out for an eternity and make everything stupid and a waste of time, then magically my bladder starts going to ■■■■, my genitals get very sensitive, I can’t last very long, and on and on it goes. And no matter where I go for help I just keep getting led around in circles with them dragging things on even more, and all they try to do is mumble some other BS excuse to say it’s some fault of mine that’s responsible for all of this happening, and that I need to just stick with it. They don’t care about anything else happening other than this dragging on forever and my life being consumed by this stupidity to the point that everything in me shuts down and there’s just this BS and this suffering. And whenever anyone says anything stupid now, my ability to do that thing magically disappears, and in comes a flood of more ■■■■■■■■ trying to blame it all on me, trying to repeat that no one is doing this to me, and trying to say I need to start accepting who I am.

Someone somewhere says I (or someone else is being rude), then magically every situation I’m in is twisted around until the only thing I can do is be rude. Or it flips in the other direction, and it’s like they are forcing me to be some worthless superficially and annoyingly polite person, all while constantly trying to say how right they are and that I’m being a dick. They are obsessed with repeating the same garbage, then twisting things around to say how right they are, then using it all as an excuse to ■■■■ on me until I’m the worst form of it. “And he’s shy,” then magically I start getting ■■■■■■ with in everything I do as they twist and mess with my actions and reactions until everything I do makes everything awkward and annoying. My life is filled with ■■■■■■■■. Everything I do annoys the hell out of me, everything that happens annoys the hell out of me, and at all times it’s just one long string of ■■■■ after another.

They take everything I’ve said or that anyone has said, twist it around until it’s stupid, then use it to ■■■■ on my life even more. I don’t know how to make it stop. Nothing makes it stop, and my life keeps getting worse. I’m always in a stupid state of mind. I can’t think creatively anymore, I have no energy or excitement for anything, and everyday I struggle to even do basic things. And the only thing that happens is the idiot doing this to me start pumping in more ■■■■■■■■ to get on my nerves and to say that it’s my fault, it’s something I did, they did nothing wrong, no one is doing this to me, and I need to accept the fact that I’m wrong.

Whatever. No one can help me. It’s all the same ■■■■ everytime I write this out anyway. Then they try to force me to do the next thing, then the next thing, then the next thing, and it’s all just more ■■■■■■■■ and it leads nowhere and I just keep getting worse. But the worse I get the more they keep trying to ■■■■■■■■ that this is who I am, and the more ■■■■ they try to force into my life. I’m going mad. Everywhere I go everyone unanimously says the same thing (probability 0%) no matter what I’m talking about, tries to force me to do the same ■■■■■■■■, it’s stupid everytime, it’s wrong everytime, and I magically start getting forced to do it everytime.

It’s like a very stupid person that always says the dumbest ■■■■ got free reign over my life and they’ve decided to take every stupid thing that comes out of their mouth and rather than admit that it’s garbage and leave every alone, force me to do all of it. It’s like a very stupid person that always thinks they are right and that’s always trying to say they are better than everyone and that gets jealous of everything and that can’t handle anyone that’s better than them taking all the garbage that comes out of their mouth and trying to force me to do it so they can ■■■■■■■■ about how right they are. Everything I hear is stupid. It’s always stupid. It’s always some fault of these idiots, and they are doing everything to pin it on me. It’s clear they have no plan on stopping, and don’t give a ■■■■ that everything they are saying is stupid. The only thing that happens is they say more ■■■■■■■■, repeat it over and over again, ■■■■ on my life even more, then try to use it to say how right they are. Over and over again. But it’s all still ■■■■■■■■, and it’s ■■■■■■■■ that they are getting away with all of this.

What does admitting this is coming from me do, but make it worse? What’s with the obsession of these idiots with forcing their will into my life, wasting my time with therapy, and cycling through medication that doesn’t do ■■■■ while repeating some ■■■■■■■■ that blames all of this on me and that makes me weaker and more powerless to deal with anything? What’s the point of constantly gnawing away at my life, until I’m stupid, helpless, completely insane, and all the other stupid ■■■■ these idiots are clearly after? What’s the point of forcing me to do all this stupid ■■■■? What’s the obsession with casually and continually saying it’s because I need to talk to people and need to be more organized, which just so happens to be the same ■■■■ these idiots are always saying, regardless of what the problem is? What’s with the obsession of these idiots with saying they care and that they are just trying to help me when all they are clearly about at all times is shitting on my life and twisting and ■■■■■■■ with me until I’m whatever garbage they keep trying to say I am.

“You don’t know how to do this, you don’t know how to do that, you have no talent, you have no ability, you don’t know how to do ■■■■, you are slow, everything should take time, everything should be done in this specific way that I say so you’ll be doing what I say, and you’ll fail, and I’ll be able to feel in control and say I’m better than you, and I’ll do anything to have it happen.” Over and over again. These idiots think they know something and that they have it all figured out and that they know how to make anything better and that they see people as they really are, but it’s always just more ■■■■■■■■ from them as they do any rotten thing to force their point of view on everyone. No matter where I go, it’s always the same ■■■■ out of their mouth, and they don’t stop trying to ■■■■ on my life to try to say how right they are about the ■■■■■■■■ coming out of their mouth. I think they know that everything they are saying is stupid, but they don’t care, they are completely full of ■■■■, and aren’t about anything other than having everyone beneath them. They are obsessed with being better than everyone, having it over everyone, and with telling everyone what to do. They are obsessed with forcing everyone to do everything in one specific way, and with forcing everyone to do the dumbest ■■■■. They are always pretending that they give a ■■■■, and won’t stop repeating how much they care and how concerned they are for others, but all that follows is more ■■■■■■■■. Everything they do and force into my life is all about conformance. It’s always about trying to force me to sit in and accept some lower status in life, and it’s always about trying to say I’m stupid, arrogant, sociopathic, and anything else that insults who I am. And then they start doing everything they can think of to make it seem like that’s who I am. I don’t know how they could call this being concerned for anyone, but clearly that crap they keep saying is ■■■■■■■■. They obviously don’t give a ■■■■ about anything other than shitting on my life and twisting and ■■■■■■■ with me until I’m whatever pathetic stupid loser-type person they keep wanting to say I am. it’s always more ■■■■ from them, all they ever do is get in the way, and my life is always worse for having been around these idiots, but all they do is continually repeat how right they are, continually try to take all manner of ■■■■ and say it’s who I am, and continually try to ■■■■ on my life even more. They never stop. Everyday it more ■■■■■■■■. Everyday it’s more ■■■■.

5

Well, you write very well. You’re upset. You wrote masses. And not a single spelling mistake. Your punctuation’s great. So congratulate yourself. Your writing’s certainly not “■■■■”. It’s very accurate, which is important for coding. So you’ve outwitted them there.

6

First of all, I just want to ask that you please use your complete discretion and own critical eye when you read what I have offer or suggest, no matter how compelling it may sound (not saying that you don’t do this already, but just something I would be very grateful for other people to do when it comes to at least reading what I have to say - As all the ideas or suggestions that I make could in fact be wrong for all anyone knows.).

Have you tried to love the voices? I feel like love can transcend these things and bring us to a higher level where these voices will not really be able to reach you as they are acting from a very negative and low state. Also, I usually recommend meditation as this can help calm the mind and help us just observe things rather than getting trapped in them; as with thoughts, we can just watch them come into our minds and then leave without forming any judgments about them or getting attached, but rather just watching them as they come and go. This, I believe, will effect some calm in the people who practice these things and then these voices may not stick around for so long because they are not getting the desired effect for themselves.

Also, (again not saying that you do this or anything, but just saying that this is something I’ve noticed in myself) often times when I am anxious or fearful of making a mistake or looking stupid, I often end up committing some sort of blunder, whereas if I am just complacent and not really fearful (although fear is our friend I think) but full of love (which does not have to be forced I don’t feel, but rather can be a very natural thing to have come out of us while being relaxed) I feel I am often times more calm and collected. I think what we focus on can bring about whatever it is that we are focused on, though this probably is not always the case.

Also, journaling helps me out a lot. I basically just write out whatever I am truly feeling, no matter how petty, evil, fearful, or hateful it may sound, I just write out my true feelings until I feel I have written enough. I believe that this can really help us get rid of toxic emotions - at least for me. I really really very much hope that you are doing ok. -helge144