So I have a new doc. My last one moved in another place and its too far from me. He looks fine this doc. He looks more enthousiastic to help me. But gosh, I was crazy today. I am to the point that I pace without a break when I see people. Firstly we should make the papers for my disability which is urgent and only after that, hell try to eventually help me. We didn’t talk about my illness, but with all my crazy pacing this doc thinks that I am more paranoid sz without so much negatives as was thinking my ex doc. But he isn’t still sure, he doesn’t know me still. I am ok when I am at my house, but I am not human anymore outside… I was close to fainting today outside 
…
But whatever. The other thing is that I realize I should make many efforts by my own. and I am afraid also about my physical form. You know all that I was just vegetating for years here and Idk if ill do it because of this. Everything is almost impossible now… Maybe I should start to tire me till death in order to recover too. It could help me to forget about the illness too. But yes, I am in very poor state, brothers and sisters 
. I see other ill people and even they don’t seem to have missed so many time with this illness… Ill try to stay alive too because of all this…
Anna did u talk about rispridal to ur new doc…???
ill write you a pm later far 
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Okay anna…take care u are lovely lady…!!
So people, what about my physical form? I’ll have to pay inhuman efforts to get healthier and stronger physically… grrh, 15 years of inactivity, its a lot. I feel like those junkies or alcoholics who spent decades with their illness. The truth is that after so many years it is very hard to get up. There is my fault I guess. I should have been less dumb in the past and just say to someone that I love that I don’t feel fine… But no, it was my proud… and the dumbness that there is no recovery from shitty fellings… I want to recover till my fourties. After that, it will be too late. So I have 5 more years,hah.
And yes, I made my home bicycle today .
I am tempted to open a thread on how much time you spent in passivity, with a body who is forgotten by us, but it would be dumb too.
It’s tough to adjust to a new doc for normies and especially so for people like us. I think over time you’ll get used to the new situation.
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