Well, I still worry bout the future… I want to cry 
… I fight so bad… Don’t tell me now to take more meds, i tried this already… There won’t be a miracle after 20 years of illness… No… Zyprexa maintains me. But my head was in hell for too long… I should be patient, isn’t it? 
… I have my hellish social anxiety and all the physical sensations that come with it.
I talked to an ill friend on the phone and I didn’t want to see her now cause I get anxious around people who are angry to me… She is angry to me now cause I take my meds. She, she hates hers and she risk to take them now… She shouted to me, cause I don’t go out, yeah… Whatever. And i hate of how fragile I am…
There is some slight progress on my sensations tbh, but it’s really far from normal… Did you have to wait longer than some others to recover? Even my docs say to wait and not switch meds anymore. I tried all the 11 aps here also you know. Its been even too much meds… But my illness is not so typical. I have to recover on thinking and emotions, plus I was ill for too long. I was really ill for 20 years… I guess meds sometimes needs time, do you believe it?
Otherwise I go out more often in the neighbourhood but for a few and I prefer it alone…
Who can relate on the waiting on meds? But I tried ads too… They never helped my negatives or the anxiety… I was just too long attached to my paranoia… There won’t be miracles I guess…
You need to stop being patient and waiting to feel better and do something about it.
Get out of your house and go for a walk,
Exercise.
Do something, anything other than just wait for medication to fix you completely.
Medication is really only one part of recovery,
The rest is up to you.
Hey, sorry you are struggling. Things can get better, they truly can.
Someone i know was ill for 20 years and then still got better. He is content and happy now. He doesnt live a completely normal life, but he lives a good life. It is possible for you, dont lose hope.
Can you think of small things, small steps that would make your life better?
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I know it’s hard to keep going this way, but sometimes we are forced to live through perfect storms I suppose. Hopefully your psychiatrist comes through for you, and it gets back to normal.
And schizophrenics can lead nice lives, if it was me I’d seek the people that matter to me the most, who love me, and cry and tell them to take charge for a while. Chances are they know what to do more than you do at the moment. It could be your sister, brother or your parents.
I read this term on the forum a while back. Mortal coil. You’ll be doing ok for a while, then you get depressed or your suddenly a full blown psychotic, then a year later you’ve dusted yourself to a certain extent and you even feel hopeful. You just have to manage life i suppose.
It was written in the stars, for me as well as most people here.
They can add an antidepressant as well, that would help you cope hopefully.
Stop telling me that i dont do nothing, goldenrex… I wrote it, i go out now almost every day but alone… Its more than before, you know… But i am scared of how socially fragile i am… i can handle the others for some time, but later, i start to suffocate in their presence for god sake! I cant just sit there and suffocate…
Are there cases like me? Ill since twenty years? … But i dont have sharp episodes… Its lighter than that, but chronical as said it my doc… Idk… I saw ill people pacing by social paranoia out there, i am like this… But the people on the forum look to me socially fine… I am dumb… I even used to think its an easy illness. But seeing how i cant get it through, neither my friends, makenit serious i guess 
…
I am exactly very guilty and scared that i do so few, goldenrex… I hate myself for this…
I also find myself terrible, cause i couldnt love since decades… Gladbick, thanks for the advice, but in general all my surrounding ended up by avoiding me too with all this… Its not that i hate, no… But my symptoms were so painful that i couldnt love… My feelings went withdrawan in fact… I couldnt feel love or joy or pleasure…maybe this will come yeap. I still love my people in my deep deep. This deep was always here… But i became “closed” even in my attitude … But ill continue seeing the others. My docs think that the meds can work on my fears even after years… And sorry if i sound dumb on always wanting to recover… I guess i ammirrational still and i even dont realize now that normality doesnt exist, that happiness is inside of me too… Yeah… I still look for it outside maybe idk… But i was attached to some dumb delusions for long time. My brain felt attached to really weird and painfull stuff…
I wonder now how the others see me… How they look at my paranoia… One friend told me that she is pissed off of how scared i am … Yeah…? My dad was a very, very abusive person… He was beating to death my mom and my sister… Maybe its not so strange that i went paranoid no? Wow… Does the paranoia and anxiety scare the others? For me, it just feels like it drains my life, thats alll… I got used to it and theres no life with so many paranoia… Probably the others are treating me as a coward in my back… Theyve seen only this from me since years…
@Anna1, I had to wait 33 years before I found the meds that worked on me. That’s how long it took for pharmacological science to advance enough to help me.
Ok, thanks skinnyme… Yeah, its a serious illness… My zyprexa will work, i am almost sure. I start to feel its side effects just after two years on it… For the “better” effects, ill have to wait still… It wasnt normal that i was feeling nothing on it after it start… Thats how bad was my mind then… But it could be a symptom to chase a normality here now for me… Maybe i have some “strange” ambitions, idk… At least, i am here and try to think cooler now…it was just a bad evening again… I am very bad still socially and this scared me today again…
You have been patient for 20 years. I think it’s time to take action now
So I walked out today a bit more far. Alone still as I prefer it, but I tried to ignore my fears… I can suffocate by fear if you see…
I can do it, you think, no? And not to feel guilty, that I make few still, isn’t it?
I guess all my body bad sensations should disappear with time, isn’t it pals? I wonder if the Zyprexa gives them more to me, but maybe its not probable…
I still find I cant think well… I am not sure if aps help intellectual deficiency or yes? My pdoc was saying, that I cant think, cause I have mostly paranoid thoughts… maybe its true. But also, there are real ‘‘holes’’ in my thinking still… I lack ideas too I find…
How are you pals? Did you miss me? 
I read you still every day.
Otherwise, my mom has something in her throat now and she fears the cancer… I wont have anyone to talk too if she passes away. It will be hell, i’ll forget even more to talk if it works like this…
I know you don’t want to hear what @anon54386108 says, and it makes you feel guilty, but I think that’s exactly what you need to hear. No one is blaming you for being sick, but only you are responsible for your recovery, and it won’t come in the shape of a pill or even with patience. Normally, recovery isn’t what makes people function. Challenging your functioning is what makes you recover. You’ve been ill for a long time, and you’ve made posts here about wanting to recover for years. I’m pretty sure you will never recover until you try to live a normal life. And if you really do want to recover, whatever it takes, then you need to understand that what you are doing now isn’t working.
I challenge myself… Its just that I cant do it all the time…
You know, I felt fine for a half an hour today, I never had this before… But its a pity my evenings are still bad. I start to feel dumb then, with the emotions affected by all this and worried about the future…
I hardly move my body in the evenings, maybe its the meds too in fact. But whatever… I was looking for people here, who got better in years. My illness is not the typical sz, its chronical, not sharp episodes…
I cant just try to live a normal life. I still don’t control my symptoms, but I do some things… Cleaning, going to the stores, reading, movies, internet and a bit of socializing with two friends left and my mom…
Hi again all! Whats up?
So I feel something normal in the day. In the past, I was ill all day long. Now sometimes I feel something normal. But still in the evenings, I am worried and paranoid that its so slow…
The docs doesn’t want to switch or add meds. I am both in the negatives, but with a paranoia… I also think, but without having the impression of thinking. why’s that in your opinion? Because of the paranoia maybe?
So who else had to deal with the fact that he/she will progress slowly? I find true that in some cases, recovery takes time, no? but I want to cry a bit now…
I am also more active, pls don’t tell to me to be more active. You couldn’t know how is my paranoia in the evenings… I can be out only in the day 
… My paranoia manifests itself also physically, plus I am convinced that the others will judge me or hurt me verbally if I go out… No way, I am too sensible and mostly, too weak to go out paranoid. I already go out in the day. But gosh, the evenings still s***…
I just don’t know what exactly I expect from you… maybe to feel less alone… But no, I cant do anything in the evening when I am paranoid like this, no way…
anyway, I fight in the day but that’s all…Its something to has lived in a chronical paranoid state since 25 years…
Do you find also, that the recovery can take time when meds are not a big help? Who else recovered in years?
Well, I am angry now… nobody likes me here anymore…
I am also tired of justifying myself that I don’t act… It was already a fight to not have killed myself with my hellish suicidal urges since kid… I was so ill, that I had only suicidal urges in my head for years, nothing else… and yeap, this made me dumb to a point that I worry about my future, cause I cant accept a life as I have now…
You don’t have my illness, you cant know why I don’t go out at my worst. I already go out when I can… But I am tired… Only the lounge posts are popular here, me not…
Who else is so much alone for god sake??? Who got out from his worries about the future too and got more active with the time? My docs said that they cant help me more. They even said, that they gave me too many meds. so I tried the story with the meds, pls… I am too way disbalanced to be healed just by meds…
so what else… I am alone here again… I hate this life…ill regret this post, but I need to vent somewhere or ill explode… But yeah, nobody writes me here anymore… and yes, I fight since my 10 years old, believe me…
I guess I need some kind words, that’s all…
pls, circle… I cant accept lessons right now… just for the info… all my friends say that I do things, its not like I don’t…
You don’t have to justify yourself. You’re not under any obligation to do what others here think will help you. And no one thinks you have it easy. I think me and some others just get annoyed that you only post about all of your worries. You seem obsessed by them and uninterested in everything else here. And as for whether or not slow progress is good enough - Yes it is. But it still may not be enough.
Ok… But if I look uninterested its because of my illness, not by a caprice or some bad character… I try to participate here as much as I can, but often I cant think or I cant even understand what the others say…I am limited even in my senses, you know… I guess ill participate more and more. whatever…