It is really hard to function in this type of social system that is so revolved about money and control. So, I feel like my dad does not want me to work and I do not know or comprehend this or why. He is actively discouraging me from the job I applied to. He is trying to say he will drive me. Doubt that will be reliable. I want to take the lyfts, he says thats not cost-effective. He offers no financial support. He spends 24/7 working makes enough for a married couple and has two jobs. So, he is basically climbing and endless wealth ladder and it really does not amount to much sorry it does not. Its sad. He is quitting smoking for me and I am so proud of him for that. I am not stopping yet. I am not ready yet. Ok. I said if I worked at macys it would help me quit because I would be active, and wear the patch. Ok. Things like this. I want to spend more time outside in nature. But it is so depressing. My mom is not delusional, she’s right about things she just speaks her mind without fear. My dad wants to hospitalize her against her will now because she is different and back to her old self.
He would not admit what he has done to traumatize her. well anyways, no one would admit it.
I wish time would stop and I could go back to the old ages and be a druid. Im tired so tired so worn down. He told me to block the man I liked, that the man raped me because we had sex and I was vulnerable. Not the same thing. That I am putting myself in dangerous situations where I could have been killed. seriously dad Im not twelve. Its emotional abuse at this point with no end and I Know who I am. So what the heck do I do anymore. Throw out the SSI appeal will that lead to persecution I am so overwhelmed. I have been persecuted enough to add pain to my health the aristada is just enhancing what I feel how does that work? not sure what this is for anymore lol