I let him dominate. But being dominated is like living with constant threat because one dares not challenge the dominator. Dad’s need to win just showed me how dominated by the outside world he was. An unhappy man.
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My dad has always been unhappy. And he had always treated my mom poorly. No profanity, just a subtle (sometimes not so subtle) way of constantly putting her down and shutting her up.
I was the kid who talked back. And to this day, although he puts on a certain appearance, he treats me differently than my younger sister and older brother.
I understand how these things can come back and haunt us as we get older. With new maturity, our perceptions change about things and certain insight can come back to haunt us.
But I find that dwelling too much on the past can be harmful to us in the present and unfortunately, we cannot change the past.
I think we both need to focus on the present and work on what we can do to improve our lives and ourselves. No one else is going to change, we can only change things for ourselves.
But it doesn’t hurt to post about your observations, sometimes it’s just good to get it out and get a little support and validation.
I wish you the best @PinCushion and I hope you can find some peace of mind. Please don’t beat yourself up over old stuff. You are a kind soul and didn’t deserve any poor behavior on anyone’s part.
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I only post this stuff in an effort to understand the past as I wake up with it in the morning.
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My dad can be quite a crank. He used to be worse than he is now. He was pretty mentally abusive when I was younger. I can relate.
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