Continuing the discussion from Not wanting to be friends anymore:
So this morning, the phone rang and I let the answering machine answer the call cos I wasn’t in the mood to talk. It was the friend I cut off the other day.
She apologized. She said her illness had made her do that.
What do you think about all this?
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
She seemed to recognize that what she did upset you and hopefully she is recognizing that her illness isn’t being managed as well as it could.
I’d say when she’s nice and wants to try and get better, reach out a bit and be a friend. But when she’s starts cussing and being angry or suicidal… you always have the right to say, “Ok, maybe your not doing so well today. I’m going to hang up now.”
You can’t trigger yourself into relapse. But you can set some parameters. You can tell her… One, no cussing me out please. Two, no talk of suicide. If you talk suicide, it’s time to go see a doc.
I don’t like to see people suffer or end up alone, but no win situations with no change doesn’t help either.
There would be nothing wrong with accepting the apology and chatting a while but keeping to your boundaries. But let the friend know what your doing and way. She might surprise you.
The old me would just cut people out and never tell them why. But I’m trying to get better with people. So I’m working on this as well.
She’s nice, but she’s so unstable that it affects my mood as well.
Also, I have boundary problems. Setting healthy boundaries is my goal. But its still hard for me to show others my boundaries which makes things harder and more confusing to deal with.
So it’s not just her but me as well. If my boundaries are firm enough to block anything that harms me but flexible enough to let good things in, I could be a friend of her even if she stays the same.
I am still having a very hard time with boundaries as well. I’m trying to learn them and get better.
But I can’t seem to find that middle ground. I either stomp in and get hard core and hurt someone’s feelings who couldn’t help it or I let people walk all over me.
I am trying to find that balance as well.
I’m wondering if there are classes on boundaries or a book on the topic.
Have you ever read that book called “The boundaries - when to say yes how to say no to take control of your life” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend? It’s a good book but it’s hard to get a sense of boundaries just by reading about them.
This is me. I can’t say no to bad things and I can’t say yes to good things.
I would be supportive…I would probably report people planning suicide though.
It’s hard to find friends. This person seems to like you. Maybe they’re worth the effort. You’'ll never find the perfect friend, especially as you grow older. Adults carry a lot of baggage from living on this planet for so long.You have to overlook some stuff.
I read that book. It helped me a ton. I highly recommend it. Whether you like all that Christian stuff or not it is still an incredible book. Not the judgement type of Christian. Just bible verses everywhere and stuff. I just ignored that part and it worked out well for me.
I was ignoring her, cos I wasn’t able to make up my mind, then I received a couple of emails from her full of nonsense… at midnight…
I try to understand that there’re no perfect people, that I need to overlook some things about others, but I can’t deal with her anymore.
She was like that many times before. But I still liked her. But this time, I noticed myself stopped liking her. I don’t want to be a bad person, but I can’t be nice all the time.
Thank you guys for all the comments.