I prefer that all jobs be cancelled, all without exception,
but so long as some jobs remain I will work and try to advance.
@shutterbug you should compliment me, it takes heroic effort on my side to say these things 
You want compliments? Earn them.
How have you been lately Erez? You don’t post as much as before…
One thing I never asked you: is your emotional capacity intact? Are you able to have feelings for people, to enjoy music or art or sports etc?
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@Andrey I am glad to be alive, I am very grateful for that.
I have a lot of negative thoughts.
I have a lot of very ugly thoughts.
I want to push them aside.
I can’t enjoy anything and I don’t want to.
I want to successfully survive.
I think a lot about what might happen if I survive and my parents are too old to care for me,
but that means I will be alive in 20+ years so that’s very optimistic.
In that case I will find a household to live in/to care for me.
I want to be a female in a female only world.
Thank you for answering. I found myself having these negative thoughts, often subliminally, and I recently vowed to fight against them with all my might. Let’s see how far I can get by sheer willpower. I will think positive, believe in myself and take baby steps toward recovery. I was once healthy, and the brain is partially plastic, so maybe it can rewire itself…
I wish you luck in your struggle, I know how hard it can be just to survive, I was a zomby for the greater part of the last 3 years, but lately I’ve stopped taking abilify and I started CBT. This combo has proven useful so far and I hope to improve even further.
There’s hope for the hopeful.
Wouldn’t it be better to learn to care for yourself? Your expectation that some stranger will take care of you is unrealistic and borders on delusional.
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I hate you @shutterbug.
I will search hard and find someone to care for me.
Of course it is better to be able to care for yourself but that’s not an option.
They’re sitting right next to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Guys guys, let’s not get overheated.
Pixel, you can’t understand Erez’s struggle because you are not him.
Erez, if you can hate Pixel, then it means you can feel emotions. that’s a step forward. Emotions can fuel you toward recovery.
Is it him or her or him wanting to be her or nonbinary, I’m curious
Also @Erez_Shmerling do get any therapy or treatment of any kind?
@Andrey I have a right to live, and if required I will find someone to take care of me.
Enough one household in the city is enough.
This is not the preferred situation but the top priority of people should be to help the weakest segments of the population.
I can’t recover, I need something radical in order to recover.
Something like a cure.
My schizophrenia is severe and affected me already in the prodromal phase.
@Moonwalker I want to be female but in a FEMALE ONLY WORLD, not in our world.
I am loath to take medications, my physical condition is not good as it is,
I am afraid meds might kill me.
What about therapy like CBT?
A waste of money in my opinion.
I know myself, my illness is severe, CBT won’t solve it and won’t even bring modest benefits.
So your parents have you hid away and just ignore trying to improve your symptoms?
My parents are fine, I love them.
The only thing I miss is disability benefits.
That’s exactly what I have been telling myself for almost 2 years, and I’m older than you (33) and theoretically wiser. But lately I decided to try CBT without a therapist. I apply the principles on myself and try to convince others to do the same 
@Andrey you are not wiser than me.
I am the wisest person on this planet.
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I won’t try to argue with you.
But if the wisest person on the planet choses to give up the fight, I’d rather be a fool and naively try to recover even if it’s a hopeless battle.
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