Schizophrenia.com

Sneaky brain likes anger... it seems addicting


#1

As I sat at home waiting for my sis to walk through the door, I was actually planning on a fight. I was sort of hoping for it. I was hoping she’d do something to set me off and then I could be angry.

It’s a very intense and immediate feeling. It’s a rush of energy and hard hitting thing.

I don’t like it in general. But for some reason, after getting off the hook angry over this week, I’m getting angry all the time. I’m not working as hard to hold back the tide of anger. I haven’t been trying to find my center and calm.

I realized last night, I’ve just been letting myself get off the hook easily because it does seem to pack some sort of energy punch. Logically, I don’t like it, but there is no mistaking it. You know anger when it hits.

Besides, it’s not helping my living situation. Last night, I really wanted a fight. I was really hoping to get into an argument. But it never happened because my sis stayed at our other brothers house again.

That made another very hard night for me. Maybe I just needed to burn out. Because after two nights of bad sleep, no real meals, thinking people were breaking in, getting panicked, flipping out over a lot of stuff, still not finding my shoes and then ending up very lonely, the anger phase is dulling down again.

I’m beginning to understand why anger hits so easily while other emotions seem to be dulled down and delayed. I’m going to revisit my anger management books and get this back under control. I am not proud of my actions this week.

I wish I knew what was actually triggering this so I could stop it. Maybe I do need to slow down. But that sort of makes me irritated too. I don’t want much. I just want to get through my day. I’m just trying to keep up. That’s not too much to ask.


#2

I don’t think it’s your sis and I don’t think it is you. I think it is the substance in your glands that disrupt your self control and emotional stability. Your tranquility and great personality can come back but we need sometime.


#3

What are you trying to keep up with? You have heard the phrase don’t compare your chapter 1 with someone else’s chapter 12 or whatever the chapter number is. Compare yourself to your last chapter and try to remember all the progress that you have made. You are keeping up better then you ever have.

Don’t take this the wrong way but good for sis on walking away from this anger. Especially if it is making you try to examine where it is coming from. As I said in another post sometimes we have to go back to basics. Good for you on planning to revisit your anger management books and for taking responsibility for getting it back under control. Maybe you need one of those trips out to that tree? so that you can yell it out. Scream your frustrations because you are frustrated.

On a positive note encase this has not crossed your mind yet. Your sister trusted that you would be ok on your own for the night. For two nights. I’m sure all the negative emotions aside that sis would not have left you alone if she didn’t think that you could handle it. It wasn’t easy but you did it! Add another chapter to J’s book.


#4

the more you wait, the more you become angry, call kidsis or go to your brother place and face them without anger, maybe you can buy sth for kidsis, let her know you are sane and grateful of her and that your life is not attractive without her and that you missed her. she’s a human and has moments of frustration and weakness, its now your turn to give her support and not hers.


#5

This part of the equation didn’t even cross my mind. I have been in the house at night, alone. Your right, that never would have happened even a year ago.

It’s hard to really identify frustration. But now that you mention it, I am going through something unhealthy. I am frustrated. But it’s time to get out of the negative thinking and back into the positive.

My feeling of contentment has been shrinking. It is time to yell it out, or just get some time of find my center. It is back to basics time.


#6

I know you’ve had more on your plate lately, school, job, plant-killing friend you’re investing more time with, preparing to become a surfing instructor and just keeping up with daily perfunctory duties. Although each one of these things is not that big of a drain, put them all together and it adds up to a lot of stress.

Maybe if you could dial back a bit it would help reduce your stress. Perhaps put the surf instructor studies on the back burner for a while, or reduce time spent on one of your other activities. It’s not a failure to have to scale back, we all have to do that sometimes. It’s just reducing your stress to allow some healing.

My son was hell bent to get out of the hospital quick so he could finish enrolling for college. I told him this is not the only semester, there will be other semesters just like this one and he needs to focus on himself. He seemed to give this some thought much to my surprise:)

Whatever you do, I hope you get over this bump in the road soon and get back to feeling like yourself. I’m “rooting” for you :wink:


#7

stimulus deprivation can’t resist picking a fight.


#8

i remember feeling pretty flat except for anger before meds…and sometimes still do. It sucks but like i said earlier, outlets…even online gaming is a good outlet…go shoot peoples heads off in gears of war


#9

in my opinion, you are transferring your anger.
your angry with your brother, but want to and have taken it out on your sis…not cool.
i have done the same thing…i am not cool either for that.
your sis is innocent, your brother not so.
as sz we think when things are going well that some how we can take on the world, not so ’ grasshopper '.
’ one pebble at a time ’
take care
dark sith takes a modest bow, "yes i know i am brilliant !?! "


#10

sometimes anger can be from the past so0mething you havent gotten over lately i realise real truths about my life and the people in it sometimes from the past i feel like im changing healing but had a fit of anger earliers today its just when you cant take anymore ■■■■.