Anger only makes me suffer more

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past few days have not been going well…

depersonalization all the time… deep flat numbness… hard time hearing or thinking in a straight line… taking a long time to write or respond… zoning out to the point where I’m afraid to drive. 4th night of bad sleep and vivid dreams.

Called my docs emergency line yesterday and have an appointment this Tuesday.

Mindless pacing… irritated and agitated… indecisive… sleep walking and a lot of restlessness…but not able to focus that energy into anything forward. repeating myself a lot in words and actions.

I know this will pass… I know I’ll get better.

I’ve been sort of generally pissed off for over a week now… I think that bad mood is taking it’s toll.

I’ve been tasting that bitter vinegar/ orange pith flavor of anger around the edges.

I have been pretty angry about a few things… but I didn’t say or get them off my chest because I thought I was doing better with anger management…

been reminded… holding it in… isn’t management. It’s just festering.

So it’s back to the coping tools… back to the basics of pinpoint the source… put it into words… face it… resolve it…

because the more angry I’ve been getting the more the head circus has been coming up… even the whispers from behind the door in my head have been getting louder… and the negativity is seeping in to other things.

being angry doesn’t help me make the situation resolve… it just sits there stuck. Maybe that’s why I’m feeing stuck.

Note to self… anger can also trigger and cue the head circus music.

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Sucks J. Part of the head circus is the inner world. Opened can sort of destruct it/integrate it into the real life experience. Having things you think but don’t want to say only strengthens this sense of having an inner/secret world. I’m speculating but when I get focussed on the inner that’s when ■■■■ escalates.

Take care man, hope you get through this quickly.

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I kind of go through a warped form of SAD in the summer. Tends to get worse the longer we go without some rain or a decent cool patch. So have to ask. Do you think the heats affecting you atm?

I hope it dissipates for you soon either way.

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Yes… no rain… all heat… can’t sleep… nerves on edge… even a swim doesn’t reset.

That makes total sense… from going from too little sunlight to too much…

That’s also what’s happening… there is a few things I would love to say to some family members… but didn’t want to because I’ve been trying to prove I’m all better now… I’m all nice and tame… and med compliant… but I should just say what I need to… Just need to find an adult way to do it.

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Focus on the sleep part. Get a t-towel or large piece of cloth soak it in water. Place it behind your neck across your shoulders at night. Ton of other things to help you get some sleep in summer on the net. Sleeps pretty much one of our most basic needs and effects our mental health dramatically. I’ll start blowing some of our weather over to you. Stay cool :snowman:

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Yeah; good stuff. Lay some of these on top of that, and anger gets to be a cakewalk (NOT kidding).

DBT – http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
MBSR – Welcome to the Mindful Living Blog
ACT – ACT | Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
MBBT – An Introduction to Mind-Body Bridging & the I-System – New Harbinger Publications, Inc
10 StEP – Pair A Docks: The 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing

Anger pumps up the healthy “fight or flight” response of the sympathetic branch of the autonomoic nervous systems into unhealthy “freak and fry,” which actually induces inflammation in the limbic emotion regulation system. In sz pts, that inflammation is already there, and anger makes it worse.

Inflammation is the principle target of the dopamine-supressing anti-Ps, though they come at it in a crude and very round-about way. Some – though not all – pts can also take non-steroidal anti-inflammatoires like Motrin ibuprofen or Alleve naproxyn at low dose levels and get some reduction of the inflammation that is both cause and result of rage.

But exogenous pharmacological interventions are almost always sfx-inducing. The better route – if one is able to use it – is psychotherapy, which (if done properly) does not produce any physiological sfx.

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For me if I let anger in just a bit it can take my whole day from me.

Its like my brain fires off on it’s own and if I don’t stop it early it just takes over.

So I stay away from everyone. …its not my fault that im surrounded by easily offended telepathic aliens
…I didnt do that they did.

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AHH :scream_cat: I hate telepathic aliens!
Gives me migraines.

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I once had a nosebleed from these f**ks

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I cashier, so I get creeped out by telepathy when I’m doing the exchange.

Besides I just got raped by voices in the cooler-the loud fans make my head feel like jumanji.

:hear_no_evil:

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I have anger problems too. You know how I manage? I use it. It is here to stay, so I make it my bitch, nah, the anger dog is male, my hound. I use it to get whatever I want done, and done well. It comes with discipline. I can hold my ■■■■ together for long enough to crank out a day of intense note taking in class, an intense (maybe excessive) workout, and then energy left over to do things like study more or what have you.

I have always been very disciplined, and I am just stuck with aggression. I dont call it a gift or curse, it’s neutral, it is what I make of it…I define it, it is my trait which I express in my own way.

Of course I have had practically military grade training, but that’s besides the point. I dont have anyone ordering me around anymore, I impose my hardships on myself for the most part. Like the extra miles I take with school and exercise, nutrition, hydration, my social life, balancing it all out- I have to make some sacrifices at times, like tonight I was invited to go to a show at a bar, but I am done with smoking and I only drink if I have serious insomnia, I allow myself two beers alone in the dark at 2am if I cannot sleep and did everything correctly and should sleep. I decided that I should be rid of alcohol and tobacco, being around people who are into it doesnt help me in the long run.

Anger is not all bad, in my opinion, and in my experience. I owe so much of what I have accomplished to channeled aggression. It’s not about how ■■■■■■ up we are, it’s about how me mange how ■■■■■■ up be are, and we are both really seriously ■■■■■■ up, dude. It’s okay. There are people just as ■■■■■■ up who have done incredible good and great things, the heroes of schizophrenia- Elyn Saks, John Nash, Fred Frese, Pat Deegan, there are more but those are the main names. They’re all on our level!!! Read their stories! They’re ■■■■■■ up! We’re ■■■■■■ up! Schizophrenia and mental illness in general is ■■■■■■ up.

But we can’t change the fact that we are ■■■■■■ up. We can change how we manage the fact that we are ■■■■■■ up. From what I know, you manage yourself remarkably well.

I mean you could be doing some crazy, irresponsible and reckless, even deadly stuff but here you are being well aware of your illness and making sense of it all. Kudos.

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heat brings on inflammation in our bodies and brain…making the neurons in the human brain to ’ misfire '…especially in sz.
i liken it to heat exhaustion.
just my opinion.
i hope you are feeling better soon.
take care :alien:
p.s i live in the coldest part of australia so these symptoms are lessened for me.

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Hope you get better soon @SurprisedJ,
not getting enough sleep makes me a crabby patty.
We used to say (when babysitting) when the baby gets crabby, put them in some water-bath I presume.

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Here bro, I usually don’t comment on your threads… But you’re far too nice of a guy to slip back into the hospital…

Sooooo… Here take this advice…

Take a zip lock baggy or even plastic wrap or wax paper even if you can’t find a bag, like a sandwich bag? You with me here? And then STUFF the baggie FULL of. ICE! And then stick the bag full of ICE on your FOREHEAD. Hold it there until you get brain freeze.

You can move the ice all over your head too. The back of the head is good too, as well as the sides and the top.

This will stop inflammation in your frontal and temporal lobes.

I’ll put it simply:

put a bag full of ice on your forehead until you have brain freeze

Done.

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I have a HUGE agitation problem that gets me in trouble, and incurs higher doses of Haldol. I’m up to 30 mg, which is practically unheard of any more, and she says she’ll go to 40 if needed. I hope this isn’t a return to the 80 mg/day doses I had pumped into me in the mid-90s. So I try to develop more coping skills, because I can’t take all this crap forever.

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I hope you start feeling better!

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