I don’t really have voices or hallucinations, but I may have some delusions (ideas of reference, suspiciousness, maybe some paranoia?) I feel like people can feel my energy - or maybe I just care too much about what other people think? Like if I see someone, my mind gets ‘stuck’ on them, I sometimes look at them to see if they look back at me and knew I was ‘thinking’ about them, so to speak. Does this sound like paranoia or just fear, perhaps? Even if my dad is in the other room, I feel like I have to ‘think’ and feel a certain way - if my mind goes ‘against’ him, I feel he can sense that.
I don’t know if this is ‘thought broadcasting,’ because if I think of a certain color/thought, I don’t think people can know what ‘thoughts’ I’m thinking - it’s more like they feel like a threat almost, and I feel they can sense that from me - fear, etc.
Also I feel vulnerable and exposed mentally around people - like they can see right through me or something - like I’m always in the spotlight everywhere. Also, when this all started, there was a lot of light and I get startled by sounds - like I’m overwhelmed by everything - sensory overstimulation, or something.
Sorry for the long rant. If someone can relate and say whether meds helped (or just zombified?) you, I would appreciate it.
If you feel bad enough to where you’re considering going on meds, then you probably need to be on meds. Don’t let it get to the point where you don’t think you’re having psychotic symptoms at all because you’ve become “enlightened” and all of your delusions become your reality. I got there, and trust me, it doesn’t end well. It may seem fun and enticing at first, believing you’re the most important person in the world, that you’re the world’s savior or ruler, but over time, the weight of your delusions take their toll. You become paranoid, because for every hero there is also a villain. You begin harming yourself, because it’s the only way to save your family. You try to kill yourself, because you are the world’s sacrifice… Sure, these scenarios are based upon my own past beliefs, but the song remains the same. You will find yourself going to great lengths to chase something that is nothing but a figment of your imagination. Don’t let it get there. Find a psychiatrist, seek help as soon as possible. Good luck!
It’s about function. If your losing function in life for day to day things then see a psychiatrist.
It’s rare to self diagnose. It really is but not unheard of.
Most of us run into the system pretty hard and we don’t have a choice. If you feel you’ve some serious problems that need addressing then see a shrink. If not sz or related it could be ocd or depression or any number of things…even going to a gp to rule out physical things can help.
Thanks guys. I’m diagnosed Schizoaffective, but I don’t have hallucinations or voices. It’s mostly I feel very vulnerable/mentally exposed and irritable around others - like they’re invading my mental space. I don’t think they can read my exact ‘thoughts’ but more like people/a person nearby will often get stuck in my head - like they’re a threat or something and I’ll often look at them to see if they’re looking at me and can sense that.
I also have a lot of fear just going outside, people seeing me, etc. - like I’m mentally naked or something. I wonder if this can be just fear and anxiety or it’s actually paranoia. It’s hard to be around others - even family, etc. - like if someone else is in the apartment, they get stuck inside my mind - it can be anyone, even my grandma.
@Igoryok - I couldn’t stop obsessing over me getting shot in my city. I’m just paranoid of others in general but can’t help to think they might Rob me or shoot me as a mistaken identity. I’m paranoid because there has been a ton of gun violence in my city. The statistics don’t lie, crime rate is significantly ris rising here and I can’t stop thinking about it ( maybe OCD? ) the abilify has lowered my paranoia but it’s still there. I’m on the lowest possible dose of Abilify so I think once I start increasing it I’ll feel more calm.
For me, it’s different…I feel like I have to ‘think’ and feel a certain way when I’m around anyone - even if they’re in the other room, almost like my thoughts and feelings are not free - like they’re effecting others even in the other room. Has/does anyone experience this? Has meds helped with this? It makes me want to isolate all the time and not go anywhere. I also feel often like when people nearby make noises or coughs, etc. it’s like a response to my thoughts/feelings - like I have to change my thinking.
Also, if I see someone on facebook or just think about someone - I feel maybe like I’ll affect them negatively or positively - and for example if I’m thinking negatively about them, they’ll respond in a negative/suspicious way if I call or message them right after.
Have you experienced something similar? Sometimes I wonder what if it’s just low self-esteem, perhaps? Does it sound like paranoia? I took Risperdal 1mg for a month, and it just made me more flat and deadened without enjoying music and stuff…but the fear and all those things were still present - I just felt more disconnected and afraid/flat.
Do you feel like you can read people’s minds? Or do you feel they can tell what you are thinking and/or feeling? Do you feel like an open book? Like everyone knows your story?
My psychiatrist says it’s a psychotic disorder and that I’ll need to be on APs for the rest of my life.
However, I know someone with similar symptoms and the meds don’t help him with this (I think). I also know someone else who refuses to take meds (and has the same symptoms) but she thinks it’s trauma-based, and that we need to heal, rather than deaden ourselves with APs. I don’t know what the right thing to do is…
The thing is - the first time I took Risperdal back in like 2013, I took it for 5 days, then became a zombie for a week - stopped taking it - and on the 8th day or so woke up and felt totally ‘normal’ like before my breakdown - like I was living in a bizarre dream for the last several months since my breakdown. But that same night I relapsed - everything became brighter to my vision and I felt uncomfortable and exposed around people again. Can anyone relate to this?
I don’t feel like I can read others’ minds. I do feel like others can tell what I’m feeling and when I’m ‘thinking’ about them - like they get stuck in my head and feel like a threat - a sort of fight or flight emotion when I’m around someone. Yes, kind of like an open book…vulnerable, mentally naked, exposed, or something.
But what I’m afraid of is that APs will just deaden me without taking away the fear/paranoia or w/e it is. Or do they make you feel stable and normal? I want to be able to be around people/outside in public again and feel like I have a mental barrier - like I’m not always exposed and in a state of fear, etc.
I miss being able to go for a walk and just feeling free…like not in a constant state of fear and hypervigilance. Also, I’m not sure I can work or lead a very productive life like this…or eventually find my significant other, G-d willing.
