I remember around 2012, when medications didn’t use to work, voices used to make me masturbate on women I had liked in my early 20s. Like naked images of those women in all the positions. And, I have this symptom of physical control where it seems like something from the outside is doing it, even though I realize it may be my brain doing it. And, usually, they would make me masturbate like 5-10 times a day on those women, like even if I didn’t want to do it, it was as though I was being physically controlled (note that I was fully psychotic at that time, and perhaps not even taking medications in periods).
Now, recently, since the last year or so, I started getting panic attacks. During those attacks, the voices would make me masturbate on a guy. Now after a year of that, I sometimes still get sexual images of the guy outside of panic attacks.
Someone told me it may be related to OCD. I don’t feel any impairments in my life, I am fully functional, with almost no voices. And, I can’t discuss these things with the therapists here regardless. And, the images come in like once in 1-2 days briefly. Is this because of OCD?
The issue is that I really don’t want another diagnosis in my life. I am tired of these diagnoses. I am functional and quite normal usually, and that is what counts I believe.
Yeah, I am ignoring it for the most part. Like you, I am functional in life. Like, today I worked 9-10 hours, trading stocks. At first I had to monitor my positions while the market was open, later I had an idea, I got into testing it, and just earlier got off work. It is 8 pm here. Long day-- and pretty productive.
Good on you for being absolutely courageous and telling the truth. I get your point and know that others experience the same. I could tell a story or two, but I use your circumstances to elicit the most incredible dialogue, that unfortunately I can’t transcribe because of the activities. That’s why the dialogue gets amazing. so I use what you describe to collect data, that no one can handle, because it is too revealing. Good luck. You are innocent