I used to be a meth addict. In my last few months of using I used to much and became pretty far out there. As I’m sitting here in my bed tonight I’m recalling events that have happened, memories or my delusions, and my symptoms now. Sort of putting everything together.
I have noticed that I usually don’t hear my inner voice. (The voice you hear in your head when you read silently to yourself) I started freaking out… Trying to get my voice in my head working. Every once in a while I feel like I can hear it and I feel like I am thinking correctly, but then it goes away pretty quick. It goes away with this rush I get.
When I was using and hanging out with this dude that was not a good guy… He would try to talk to me in my mind. I didn’t know if it was a meth head thing or what. But I remember hearing myself warn myself “this is not a good guy”… One time I remember thinking like him or something… And I remember getting a visual of his brain. It was really scary. It looked grey and like a picture of a brain, but in the back bottom lobe there was something latched on to it.
And the first thought I had was demon. And it made sense to me, he was a big meth head dealer… He had a scary way about him… He scared me. Right after I saw this demon thing in his head I hear “oh ■■■■ you didn’t see that” like it was a secret.
Now when I used meth I got way into the whole ‘souls’ subject. I believed his soul was taken over by the devil and his soul didn’t want me to see it, so I heard his soul say you didn’t see that. And it was my soul earlier warning me that is isn’t a good man.
Now one time he had given me too much meth. I don’t even know how much it was because I was already high and I was dumb enough to not even worry about it. I ended up at home when it really hit me. I was alone. I was watching TV and all this stuff came up about a meth head test (I have posted this story before you can go look for it) but after the meth head test I remember the TV ■■■■■■■ with me some more. Tricking me into selling my soul to the Illuminati.
Long story short I went through with it. I remember the TV being like you have to promise you won’t tell anyone about this… And telling me my family had done the deal already themselves and that’s why they can talk to each other so good telepathically or whatever. I don’t know… But I did it… And I feel like everything changed after that.
Months and months later maybe a year I’m sitting here recalling all of this because I feel like a demon entered my body some how that day and has been controlling the way I think. I’m always empty inside… I sometimes feel myself take over again, but just for a second. But then I go back to feeling nothing like myself. And as I’m sitting here trying to understand why I don’t hear my inner voice, I look it up on Google and it says something about souls. So I put two and two together and get… My souls not even in my body. My soul has been sold or taken.
Even if it was a long time ago and it was an accident and I wasn’t thinking anywhere close to near right… I believe this too. Because it makes sense to me. Sometimes I hear god or angels kind of being kind enough to let me know why I’m feeling empty… Why I know something’s wrong with me but can’t put my finger on it… Then I play back to all the memories and put them together to form… My soul has been taken. I am now a shell of a person.
It sounds better when I’m discovering these assumptions in my head. I’m not good at explaining what I actually went through and saw and heard.
I’m very interested in my soul though. I feel like I can talk to it and hear it sometimes… Lol I don’t know.
I’m a mess and I’m embaressed about this post. But I’ve been pretty good with not thinking this way. Tonight I just realized I can’t hear my inner voice and started researching and thinking. I don’t know. Don’t judge please.
I wish a friend were here