I can’t stop. No matter where I look all I see is his influence, is him mocking me. Why can’t I pull away from the occult?? I’m drawn to it like some sort of awful magnet. No more nightmares and no more of seeing him everywhere! UGH.
I haven’t been doing so well this past week…it’s weird though because it’s like I’m in an episode except without the crippling anxiety and depression. I’m getting scared every night again. Last night there was something in my shower. Things are so weird. I can’t see my therapist for a whole month because of scheduling issues on their part. The voices have come back full force. I’ve been talking with Azriel mostly, he’s been very kind and reassuring. I keep having these weird vivid dreams too. I want to live in my dreams and not reality.
Sorry I’m all over the place. My brain is scrambled. I’m getting that feeling where I’m just bleeding into everything…another part of the universe…I wonder if anyone else feels that way…just loses sense of self and feels the world around them…I wouldn’t call it a bad thing, but it’s weird.
I need to go to bed now but it won’t let me stop watching bad things. It makes me watch bad things to try to brainwash me. I don’t want to be brainwashed.
NONE OF THIS IS REAL. UGH. UGH!! Mentally vomiting right now sorry guys. Really wish I could see my therapist. I haven’t even scheduled a med eval with the psychiatrist yet either I completely forgot since my brain’s been spaghetti. Who knows when that will happen.
I’m not on meds and I don’t want to take them. But my therapist and the psychiatrist suggested I try out a very low dose of seraquil on a need-to-take basis. Like now. Where I’ve been stuck in bed for the past 2 hours watching satanic material because demons won’t let me leave. I’m in a thought trap or something. I need to get in the dang shower.
About 90 percent of the time I don’t need any sort of medication and I’m perfectly fine. But when episodes like this flare up I can see why they would say it could be helpful. I’d rather be knocked out right now than dealing with this darkness I’m stuck in.
Yeah it’s finally sinking in…I guess it’s not as bad if I can pop a pill whenever things get crazy like this. And if it’s a small dose…
But the thing is I’ve gotten blood work done but not gotten an appointment. Because I keep forgetting. So I need to schedule an appointment to get myself a perscription. It’s all stressful.
Those are terrifying I know, but you are very lucky that you have Azriel. Most are alone with these experiences. Pray and find your best coping mechanisms through trail and error. Its simple but not easy. You’re not getting better on your own, why not give the medications a chance?