I’ve been sleeping horribly for the past 2 months. Medication helped alleviate the issue for a while but it’s starting to fail me. I got 1 hour of sleep last night. I have been hallucinating too frequently. The nights where I have gotten sleep they’re kept to a minimum but nights where I didn’t get sleep I would constantly be seeing non-existent people out of the corner of my eye, those weird trippy hallucinations where things swirl and swell, seeing demonic faces at night, etc. I was in therapy and glanced at the floor for a moment and as I did my therapist’s head shrunk to a comical size in my peripheral. It was like I couldn’t look anywhere for 30 seconds without seeing something. Last night the demon was talking to me again, but in rhymes which was uncomfortable. And yesterday morning I kept getting these bizarre repetitive thoughts. “I’ll slice you, I’ll slice you, I’ll slice you…” Couldn’t get it out of my head it was bouncing around like an echo.
This morning I gave up on sleep and tried walking to get coffee…I was terrified the entire way…I can’t walk anywhere without being scared of being attacked…I am so tired of living in constant fear…the Zoloft helped dull that for a while but it is coming back fiercely again. I don’t know what to do. I am on medication and it is only working for my depression. It is not working for anything else and honestly I feel that’s going to make me depressed again eventually regardless of how much Zoloft I’m on. I don’t know what to do guys. Sorry for negativity but I am feeling incredibly helpless right now.
Thank you everyone. Despite the rough night/morning I’ve had a good day. Work at the lab is going well and the data we found is significant so my project is going to be continued!! I was very nervous about messing up but it all ended up ok. I’m hanging onto the good things!