Screwed my life up

well, here I am, after being happy for a while, I’m really down this time and I don’t know what to do…I broke up with my girlfriend a few days ago, and my life has spiraled downward ever since…I’m a week away from pay day and have 3 dollars in the bank, and 9 cans of food to make it there…my ex live in girlfriend has nowhere to go, so she will probably be here a month or so longer, and she has great animosity towards me…she has two large dogs and she is going to have a hard time finding a place because she is just as poor as myself…I thought of making up with her, but when it’ over, “it’s over”…I have been thinking back to when I was this down before and it was when I was suicidal…I’m not suicidal but I see no point in this life I lead…oh yeah, I have to quit smoking in two days because I don’t have money for cigs…another stresser…oh well, God has taken cigarettes out of my life even though I don’t want to quit…I would love to hear from someone…even if it’s criticism…

Life is hectic sometimes. I can see why you are so stressed. It will all work itself out. Maybe take a walk and just let loose and get this stuff straight in your head. :slight_smile:

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Thank you echomoon, I have been trying to wrap my head around my ever increasing chasm of depression, but it keeps getting bigger each day…these last three days I think I have a grasp on hope and the next day I have to start all over again building some kind of relief from life…I want to drink really bad, thinking that will help, but I become too emotional and depressed the next day after drinking…plus…I don’t have drinking money…I think the sole cause of my pain is mainly being poor…I smoke almost three packs a day, and that’s just a luxury I can’t afford…when I’m put to the wall about quitting in a couple days, I’m praying that I see that cigarettes cause my pain, and give them up easier…anyways, thank you.

i am sorry you are having a hard time, it can only get better.
take care

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I’m catching what you are throwing out. It bites when your emotions are waxing and waning. When you feel you have no control of the situation or maybe even yourself. Pick your battles and keep your head together.
It’s not as bad as it seems. For right now it blows but it will get better. I hope you feel better in the morning. :slight_smile:

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time Jukebox. I don’t have a lot of money either. For me personally, one drink would wreck my life. I hope you don’t turn to drink to try to ease your sorrows since you know what effect it has on you. As you know, I’m a big fan of sobriety and I don’t think drinking is the best idea for you. Here’s hoping you feel better soon.

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Thank you echomoon. I don’t plan on sleeping anymore tonight but with talking about it on here I am feeling a glimmer of hope again…I’ve decided that since I can’t control that I am running out of cigarettes and food, just to let it go and not worry about it? That really is helping me right now…

Thank you nick77, I know …you are absolutely right…drinking isn’t the answer and neither is weed…right now anything that isn’t food, gas or meds, I am going to focus on not buying anything next month that is going to lessen my wallet…this is my time…my time of being tested, and I am going to do my best not to fail…you are a dear friend to me nick77, thank you so much for talking to me.

With your experience In life,you will surely make it thru,you must have suffered more than you currently do right?

Thank you Mobc…yes, it is true…I have suffered way worse than this emotionalness years ago…it was when I was struggling with trying to accept that I couldn’t work as an architect anymore…I guess now I’m struggling with my vices that I can’t afford anymore and feel scared, which depresses me? I am going to pray hard tonight and see if that helps…thanks again…


Have a good night jukebox, good luck. Have you looked into food closets (food banks) in your area? OR, even “salvage” food stores? “Salvage” food stores sell dented cans of food for half the price they usually cost. They also sell dairy products and bread that is a little old but perfectly alright.

I was considering going to the local food pantry tomorrow…I think I have just enough food to make it to pay day, so I probably won’t go until the food is completely gone…I consider it a “lesson” in sound rationality that I will always be poor as long as I smoke, drink and get high?

Grocery Outlet @:

4308 W. Bell
Glendale,AZ 85308
(602) 548-0007

American Discount Foods @:

1360 W Southern Ave
Mesa, AZ 85202.

The Dented Can @:

9501 W Peoria Avenue
Peoria, AZ 85345
(623) 486-9646

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Thank you nick77, I guess maybe I haven’t talked about it enough but I no longer live in Phoenix…me and Nancy divorced and I live here in Oklahoma now in a small town.

Probably. Or get in debt.

Yes, I know you divorced. I forgot that you moved.

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I’m sorry this relationship didn’t work out. It’s nice that you aren’t just kicking the girl out with nowhere to go. You are very kind. Hopefully you two can heal the bridge enough to be friends at least.

I’m sorry this has all hit you at once. I do hope you find the strength to keep up with your music.

Sending out a lot of hope your way.

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so sorry ur having such a hard time michael. it’s so good of u not to kick ur ex out on the street. go to the food bank like nick said hunny. u know maybe this is an ideal time to quit smoking both weed and cigarettes. give urself a clean break…it was the best thing i ever did, quitting weed and i wish i’d never started. i know it’s so hard to stop but ull feel much better if u do. maybe one at a time. weed first, then rollies when ur ready. hope u feel better soon hunny. xxx

i have seen people get emergency food stamps that you can get right away from the welfare department…no paper work involved ,at least none that was mentioned …it would be worth a try anyway…i hope things start to improve from you…wonderful you did not throw the ex-out…hang tough

When you’re at rock bottom, the only way to go is up. That’s the beauty of the situation. It really sounds like it will only get better, unless someone takes your 3$ in the bank away.

If you dont mind me asking, how have you gotten down to 3$ in the bank if you have a job?