Schizotypal personality disorder

So I started hanging out with a girl from my graduating class who i found out lives down the street with her parents and commutes to a local college just like me. She was always very quiet and considered “different” even at my high school, which was known for having the weirdest kids in the city. So we started hanging out, and I am pretty sure she has Schizotypal personlity disorder…she doesnt make eye contact, keeps to herself for the most part and has been dressing in japanese clothes since high school, wears a japanese hairstyle and is really into anime and manga and writes her own ones even. She is fun to be around, and I like her as a friend, but she seems troubled. She said she has panic attacks but doesnt see a psychologist or psychiatrist. I feel like I want to help her somehow, but she seems so content with her lifestyle. Has anyone else here met someone else like this?

I dont mean to be arrogant and go diagnosing people, but I just made an A in honors abnormal psychology and I am schizophrenic in remission (been to hell, now im back :smile:) so Im just gonna say I think I am right.

Maybe you can help her by being the best friend you can be, and be ready for the moment when she might ask you for help, if she needs it.

Otherwise I don’t think you are welcome to intrude in her lifestyle if she thinks it’s good for her and she is not in some pain of any kind.

It is possible that she might have some disorder or other, but if she can deal with it, why interfere? And if you decide to do so, ask yourself: will she benefit from that? She sounds like a fun, active, self-sufficient woman, who sometimes feels weak. Now, does she want to get help for that kind of weakness? And if she does, will that not affect her self-esteem? All the symptoms you describe there seem to be negative ones, while the known medication and support for SZ is mostly for positive symptoms.

You may be good at diagnosing people as you say. But are you enough of a therapist also to provide help to a person who didn’t ask for any?

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Well she doesnt say she wants help but did make a comment about feeling that she “looks like a 10 year old boy”. I tried to tell her that she doesnt, but she seemed like she just didnt believe me. She also said her panic attacks make her feel like she’s dying, so I can tell she actually has panic disorder. She’s not unhappy, she just seems to have an esteem issue that really struck me, and panic attacks really are nothing to take lightly. People often go to the ER when they have them thinking theyre having a heart attack.

But dont get me wrong, she’s intelligent and on her way to having a good career. She goes to a private college and does well in graphic design or something and is also studying music. She’s very competent.

I used to want to go help every troubled or broken spirit out there. I learned a lesson - a big one with my ex wife. She turned out to be a violent and angry borderline who tried to destroy my life. In the start of our relationship, I felt sorry for her and sacrificed a lot for her - everything I had. Big mistake on my part. Be careful on how much you give to someone.

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I keep a distance, dont get me wrong. I’ve been hurt by investing myself too many times, so I know what you mean. She’s only a friend.

Well then, maybe just ask her bluntly at some point if she wants your help regarding the panic attacks, maybe with your experience you know a few good therapists etc. If she says yes, there you have it. If she says it’s ok, maybe she’s not as low self-esteemed as you think she is, after all.

By the way - I didn’t know that a schizotypal personality disorder gets associated so easily with panic disorder. Actually, from what you describe, I see no clue of SZ, what makes you think that she has it? The eye contact thing, the self-deprecating remark and the manga passion can be anything, not necessarily psychiatric symptoms…

Schizotypal is marked by very few close relationshiops, preoccupations with fantasy and strange demeanor, dress, and a lack of eye contact, as well as mild delusions or slightly magical thinking. It’s basically just an eccentric personality that has a little in common with scz (fantasy preoccupation is considered slightly out of touch with reality, like preferring different realities to the one reality) and can also incorporate delusions (like “I am a ten year old boy”)

Thanks. :smiley: My husband tends to say sometimes that I might have Schizotypal personality instead of Sch, and I needed this clarification a lot.

I guess I qualify, but for the acute episodes of psychosis that I tend to have , even though they are very quick to be over after I get on meds.

Aspergers Syndrome sounds very similar to Schizotypal. :sunny:

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Something I find now that I have been exposed to mental illness or should I say am more aware of it, is that I can see certain characteristics in everyone if I look hard enough. Including in myself. In some ways this generation seems a lot more out there when it comes to dressing or self expression. However underneath it all are still just as shy and insecure and uncomfortable. There is a difference between saying I look like a 10 year old boy and I am a 10 year old boy. However I have no education in psychology so I could be way off :smile:

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Sorry about this, but I’m 100% missing the point because my brain got stuck on… “Your hanging out with an interesting girl. Who’s got a lot more on the ball then a bubble head cheer leader. Good for you. Your younger then me and your finding girls… lucky.”

But yes, it’s hard when you want to help people who are perfectly content with how they are. As long as they are functioning and getting from point a to point b in their day… Well, there’s not much anyone can do. When I started rehab I REALLY wanted my girl to give up drugs and drinking too. It wasn’t in the cards and we broke up.

Enjoy her interesting company. When I look for love I find chaos, when I look for friendship, I sometimes find more.

In an effort to focus and honestly answer your question…

You’ve described a tiny bit of my sister and some of her friends perfectly. But my kid sis is going through low self esteem and anorexia. Her friends… That’s a whole barrel of snakes I try not to open.

well she did post a facebook status saying “I am a ten year old boy”, so i got rather concerned because thats just not right

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well i tried to hold her hand and she kinda freaked out like “what are you doing? no, thats ok” so were definitely just friends. I did date this other girl a few times, i would kiss her goodnight, it seemed fine, and now she wont answer texts or calls so poopy

dude, maybe you are right about that girl, maybe not, but i am schizotypal, and you gotta understand, it’s a GOOD thing; a doctor once said: let’s be clear, what sz is is this (hands way up above his head), what charlie has is this (hands around his head) and if it could be put in a bottle and sold we’d have more money than bill gates. Exactly. Not that we’re capitalist, but you wish you had this, well not you, but plenty of people, it’s the energy, the inspiration, maybe they aren’t impressed with the bizarre ideation that i find so enjoyable, but they gotta admit i look like i’m having a blast; hey, go to you tube and type schizotypal, and the presentations are not depressed, they are inspired; ok the one thing that makes you feel sorry for us, we are not integrated into your society, which for the majority of you is so important, this feeling of “belonging”, smiling at eachother and telling eachother it’s all ok and we can relax cause we all believe the same thing around here and everybody promises to stay drowsy and not engage in any free thinking around here, no there are two different paths to choose, one is belonging and the other is understanding, and on the schizotypal so called track, we are the understanders, we don’t care about your nonsense and the world you tell eachother you live in, we aren’t so impressed with your feelings of togetherness or belonging, or your tendencies to live indoors cut off from nature and to use electricity to alter the cycles of light and darkness for yourselves that are good enough for every other being in the unviverse who isn’t in the ben franklin cult of death and hubris, (ben franklin and santa clause are the same object and it’s not human!) yeah, we get the inspiration early on to go out into the universe of mystery and wonder and really open our minds there, and you can’t let the academy professors or the priests and teachers and scared little rabbits in the forest - the worldly minded camarilla - distract you from what’s really happening, happening for all the other species, and the plants, the spirits, the two year olds, the shamans, and the schizohrenics, and the daoists for that matter, yeah, we just wanna pursue inner nature and destiny, and search for mystery and wonder, and as for that nonsense you all tell yourselves about that invisible force in the ground that’s always sucking you in, makes everything suck for you, what is it? thta mystical force that newton came up with in 1666 when the demon threw eve’s apple at his head? what was that particle your scientists can’t seem to find, oh yeah, the graviton, you guys got the gravity stuff, yeah, well it’s ideas like that that cause us to walk away from your world, sorry, nothing personal, go do whatever it is you guys do in your gravity, buthey, why do you feel the need to pull everybody down into the test tube of human knowledge? You know one day you silly humans will grow up, set aside your “science” and your “reason” in a toybox, to maybe take out once in a while and look at wistfully when some relatives drop by from outer space, but for the most part, put that stuff away in the attic and sit down and calm down and shut up, and join our brothers the shamans and the two year olds and the schizophrenics and the deer in the forest and the black holes in the sky, as we pursue inner nature and destiny and search for mystery and wonder.

I dont mean to be rude, but gravity does exist, and doctors are not “worldly minded camarilla”, they pay to go to school and help people who have disorders like schizophrenia and are responsible humans who live to relieve other’s suffering.

I just wanted to help someone who has a multiple disorders and doesnt see doctors. You know low doses of antipsychotics are often used to treat schizotypal personality disorder. And her panic attacks are simply crap that needs to go away, theres nothing “special” or “insightful” about feeling like you’re dying.

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i don’t kow what to say about your irrational insistence on something that is being questioned more and more in the scientific journals today - gravity - more contraversial to the modern scientists than those of you educated a few decades ago dream; anyway, that wouldn’t be enough for me to respond on a website that really has nothing to do with the concept of gravity, (google “Does gravity exist” for mainstream articles and guides to the literature), but I do have to respond as i thought i already did but maybe the rhetorical flourish dimmed the point.

I’ve seen it before.

It’s contraversial at the least, out right wrong from where i stand.

a family member or other member of society goes their separate way,

insists on homelessness, and other ways of life similarly anathema for the worldly minded, yes “camarilla” as in minority, if you take a survey of all species across time, this camarilla of “we control the scientific test tube” people, the educo-industrio-war machine or whatever the right phrase for that is, no time to go get the rest of my derogative phrases for people who fearfully and with attachment hold the belief set that the current set of academic institutions does - that’s the word academic - the academic-miliraty-industrial complex - and the WEIRD - the western educated industrial rich whatever, google that one, no time now, cause it’s wrong, it’s just wrong, to insist on your way for all, so imperial of you, at a time when, don’;t we kind of think we know better now than to go imperializing all over the place, karmic demon overload that we currently breathe maybe being a little reminder? ok i’m gonna loose you with my insane rhetorical flourish of irrationality again,

but when a family member wants to live their own life

and you can’t understand what value a belief set that they seem to hold could possibly have

they should have the right to practice their way,

it should be a freedoome like the freedom of religion

\the freedom of irrationality

against the calcification of the pineal gland,

hey, i know you’re mindset, so done with confrontation,
but for two points, that was one - do you deny the will of the pdoc branch of the educo-military-industrial complex to calcify the pineal gland and permanently shut the third eye of the mad? and second do you deny that sz is the Waterloo of psychiatry and that the meds you hypocratically push are hypocratic do no harm wrong, as they do harm, they make decisions about a patients spirituality without their consent, affect their capability for salvation, and i’d wish your profession would admit that black box theories about powerful neural chemicals are dangerous hail mary passes at your waterloo, and that these hail mary passes are NOT getting you anywhere, though you reguarly post the standard line about “helping some”, and maybe you are interfering in spiritual reality in ways that harm many, while not REALLY helping some, with these black box theories on a field you don;'t even claim to be able to see on.

sorry, nothing personal, will stop writing for the day, cool the molten magma…

no

cancel that

here’s what 's special and insightful about feeling like you’re dying-

initiation, into the spirit world, it’s the torture that is our calling and vocation,
i have been constantly physically tortured for 31 years,
know what good it did?
chased me the hell out of my human life,
or i too would have paid money to go to college and try to help people,
that doesn’t make it right! what cause you paid ?!?!?
what cause they are doctors that makes their education system right?
when even it admits that sz is a waterloo???

hey, i got a quote on my wall here,
ny times,
guy who won the nobel prize for physics,
aobut the higgs particle,
(planning an aritcle on that soon by the way)

but this guy admits the science is a test tube of human knowledgte that can’t really know about things past waterloo, like sz and shamanism…

"Steven Weinberg, of the University of Texas at Austin, who won his nobel in 79 for using higgs theory to unify two of the forces of nature, declared (mournfully) in the new york review of books: “physical science has historically progressed not only by finding precise explanations of natural phenomena, but also by discovering what sorts or things CAN be precisely explained. These may be fewer than we had thought”.

THESE MAY HAVE BEEN FEWER THAN WE HAD THOUGHT!!!

i post that here on the wall for i take that line to be the concession speach of modern science. down the hole of human knowledge they fell, and atleast they just noticed it.

I’m a scientist - in my little pinky, on my left hand; the rest of the content is all grand irrationalist; but I think it is important to study madness, for the as yet uncovered insights into our nature as well as the as i consider it secondary cause of relieving suffering (heard in a documentary on the web yesterday about yogis in china in remote caves, that joy and suffering are the same thing, so i wondered why we’d want to releive suffering and not let people just float in the wonder, and learn to avoid both the joy and the suffering- and yeah buddha was into releiving suffering, but he didn’t wanna do it with SSRI’s, cause he said if you are touching something to ease your suffering, then it’s gonna increase your suffering when you stop touching, and could you possibly not admint that coming off that stuff is spritually brutal, mentally painful, and physically exhausting? and i HATE when people who prescribe it haven;'t gone on it and tried coming off of it, just to realize what they are being so flippant about. Maybe street drugs are more familiar to you, maybe via the media, the wire or something, would you recommend a heavy crack binge not telling them what coming out of that will be like ?? Could you sell crack hypocratically? cause crack withdrawal and 600mg a day seroquel withdrawal are simial syndromes on me, anyway. hells i don’t like to go to and hope not to see again, but you never know. was i gonna finish a thought? oh yeah, a scientist alright, i got a theory of brain mind and i posted it on the web in a free ebook, another theory of the universe i called the wan wu honeycomb theory, so it’s not like i’m keeping the stuff the demon s teach me to myself for job security or something, i’m telling you guys how it works, you don’t care so whatever, but, yeah, i wihs you scientists would become enlightened, I pray for the enlightenment of science, and that humanity relax and fall into mystery and wonder. And reason, is it rational to be rational for no reason? Escape driven cracks complete the egg! Set the tigers free and let the rooster crow!!! that’s all I’m tryin to say, you circus master tiger cager rooster squelcher you.

-(w)onderdonk(ey), who seems to have chosen this slow work day of the treacly holiday season, those shoppers all gooed up in their monotheism, capitalism, gametalism, and downright attachment, to pen the ***

Declaration of Freedom of Irrationality and Insanity

***. Don’t Tread on Us !

Dear friend,

Nobody forces you, me or any other ill person to stop being ill. What you perceive as despotism is actually society telling you - ok,so you wanna be mad, but make sure your disposition does not affect others - because, as a result of the scientific and rational thinking you abhore, for the most part our society tends to be liberal and democratic, so yes, you are free to be insane, as long as you do not make others suffer.

You want to live in the wild with no electricity? It’s ok too. Just make sure you own the land you establish on and it’s your business how you choose to live there.

However, if you cannot support yourself, you cannot understand property and tresspass, if you hurt people around you - like your caregivers and other human being, if by any chance you become a menace for society, then society has to defend itself and its status quo.

Unfortunately, the magical thinking you express here and the known effects of severe disorders (not to say yours is severe, I am writing this with all humanely due respect ) tend to make people dependant on others who they abuse without even understanding the evil they are doing. I was raised by a person who had these particularities and I know how much harm they can do. So, if it is the case, society will not tread on you but it will not let you tread on others either - it will provide you with help to accomodate and maybe sustain yourself and have a fulfilling life if you wish to. If not, we will just make sure that you do the least harm you can do in this situation.

Not because we hate you and because we think your illness and magical thinking renders you a lesser human, nor because we are cowards, but because you were born and raised and nourished in a sociiety that normates in order to protect its members, young and old.

So, how is your life? Are you self-sustained? Did you renounce electricity as the demons told you? Is your theory of the universe doing anything productive for your fellow humans, other than reading material? Did you at least sell your book? How was ity received? What effect did it have on other people that dedicated their lives to understanding the universe? These are questions that are part of reality. If you can answer them in a satisfactory manner, I promise to read your demon-inspired book, even though I’m a liberal, rationalist and atheist. If not, you are making me think that you compensate your lack of happiness, success, productivity and mere understanding of this world by an over-driven and emotional manifesto that has no sustainability.

**

I am Insane and Rational and I do not agree with your manifesto.

**

Also -you got that wrong. It’s not that scientists question gravity, they question newton’s theory as when applied to the whole Universe it has its explanatory gaps. The theory is still sustainable on Earth though - that is why we can calculate the power needed fopr a rocket to leave Terra’s gravitation and we can use the gravitational acceleration in our calculation technically when building stuff etc.

The fact that Newton was wrong on a scale he could not at the time anticipate does not render gravity inexistent, just the gravitational theory is ammendable at this point in science’s development. So kudos for science for evolving and conquering new realms of knowledge.

Big difference.

Using electrity now, what do you think this laptop runs on, chi ?

Only got away from that for 6 months, demons never said anything, they’d come in turn on the lights and the TV and raid the fridge; no, it was a roomate who didn’t want to pay his share, so i said screw it, and spent 6 months going to the gym for hot showers, cooking on a camping stove on the patio, reading and writing by candle light, and watching tv sparingly by battery - it was the days of star trek voyager and i was afraid of missing psychoic ideas going by. The news always brings those my way as well. Had 6 months of threatening letters from the PG&E, who went from “maybe you need help with making payments” to “maybe you need to know about some benefit programs for the poor” to “what is it gonna take to put you in electricity today because you are taking up space in a cell that we would otherwise be marketing electricity in”, and surrounding me of course the sarcastic calls like yours to “join the 21st century dude”, so of course I had to come up with a whole psychosis on Ben Franklin, cause hey, he deserves it, but also, you know, schizotypal thinking means i’m making up psychosis, even if the sound of it is something quite atrocious, if you say it loud enough it’s really quite precocious, schizotypal thinking means i’m making up psychosis - song paradoy written by a musician friend who understands what im usually up to.

And newton’s theory’s gaps, acceptable and effective alternative spin on what’s wrong there compared to my manic rhetoric flowing into eve’s apple and all, and i do have a full explanation typed up and on the web, my own attempt to disabuse you of the notion, I find the reaction i get to that paper is at the very least - “wow, i didn’t realize, that gravity is such a contraversial thing in modern times, guess i never really think about the architecture of reality”, to “i agree with you but i wanna call it onderdonk gravity, cause stuff still goes down”, so that’s when i said ok, let’s call it Ytivarg, cause it’s a push not a pull, and yes it sure is in my paper that gravity makes sense from the sun out to jupiter, so ok for you who don’;t care to look farther, but to modern day astrophysics, and the cosmic cartography that is being shown to young kids in science class about the structure of the known universe in the golden age of astrophysics, it doesn’t fit or make sense, and those kids aren’t gonna like this nonsense about gravity, i give it a hundred years, it’s so entrenched in popular culture, i love to hear an episode of law and order in court break out in laughter because someone suggests they don’t believe in gravity. I give em 100 years, they’ll be laughing at themselves retroactively.

(my paper on ytivarg and on the theory of brain / mind as well as my psychosis on santa claus and ben franklin being the same object are in “Wagging my redshift tail, a philosophy of madness”, on smashwords.)

Yeah that despotism is just people trying to help, at some level. And yeah, I fully understand the “groom your madness” demand of modern civil society - I can’t kill and mame indiscriminatley here, I can’t give away cash in public in disruptive ways, I gotta shower once a day and wear clothes purchased in the last year and shave and brush my teeth and clip my nose hairs, get a job and pay for my own food supply and pay for my reading material if i want stuff from outside the western mainstream - i get it. My speech only seems to be regulated during stops with cops, so the rest of the time i experiment with the soap box freedom i was led to believe was prevalent in america, and i find that, they don’t like that “free thinking” stuff around here. I am just lucky and grateful for the bookstores and libraries in america, because anomolously all the free thinking - both the magical, the rational, and the fantastic hybrids of the two in the buddhist/taoist chinese poets so expertly translated by david hinton over the last decade or two standing out among a larger field of burgeoning insight into a completely different culture, one anti-rationalistic, anti-family, anti-sanity, almost anti-humanist, from the point of view of modern-comfort-humanists, in those bookstores and big-city libraries, free for the taking, and i seem to be the only one trying to do something with those ideas, that’s what i find kinda odd…

But you know what they say, if you ask them? those hermits in the chinese mountains barely following society’s demand of minimum self-care and grooming? they say it’s the society i am criticizing here that has lost the way. I’m just saying what they told me, and they seemed to be more sincere and well thought out, compared to the society of the pdocs, to me - the WEIRD - western educated industrialized rich democrats, the military industrial academic war machine, trying to compete, overcome, dominate, imperialize, based on i don’t know what mindset or marching orders, possibly demonic.

That the “manifesto” yesterday may have been emotional I can accept; I was bored, it was dynamic on the spot, it was heartfelt resistance to a regular motif I’ve seen before, and I felt maybe I could take another shot at that from effluvient passion and an updated rhetorical reservoir.

But I know other people do not read or understand what i say, atleast for the most part. And you’d need a psychiatrist, a linguist researcher, and an exorcist to actually respond to this kind of a post; still, I feel like i explained it to them, however delusional that may be;

“Demon-inspired?” Maybe a chapter or two in my first book on madness, but for the most part my ideas are about leadership of man and demon, not about being led by either parent / caregiver, just having a problem with these divorced “parents” of mine - modern man and the demons, the sane and the mad.

I practice irrationality, and in this society they call that schizophrenia - i am diagnosed as an untreatable uncurable schizophrenic with florid psychotic delusions and visual, auditory, and unmanageable tactile ahllucinations, who “loves his delusions way too much”, and should be hospitalized long term, yet I remain unmedicated and posting essays in the public square, here, so to speak. Other cultures call this shamnism, and the line ought to be drawn at “when the dreamer controls the dream, not the dream the dreamer”, but I find the WEIRD don’t like the dreaming to be discussed or paid any attention to, rather to be left alone in the dark night of the unconscious where they say it belongs. And I just get to wanting to see what’s down in there!

I think this “nourishing and protecting” is sometimes taken too far, people thinking that because I seem like an infant- from the point of view their world offers and teaches them out of pure lack of “apperception” that i must be suffering and less than humanly dignified if I am not into their beliefs about self esteem being a positivie thing or about being destitute, orphaned, and ill-fated being a negative thing; then they think should step in as my parents, and that never works out for them, one man’s incurable insanity another man’s invincable irrationality.

They don’t say “if you wanna be mad it’s ok to be mad”, and this is the fringes of a big city of the so called mad, the san francisco bay area - I grew up in new york and they told me go to california where all the crazy people are, you nut, well, I got here and found they are no crazier here, they just entertain more nonsense more willingly, but they do seem to collect the better books in their bookstores, and it’s a pretty laid back society about a case like me, not too much tazing or 5150’ing these days, been there done that, the system had nothing to offer, but meds, and i tried them all and now only seroquel and only on a binge basis.

No, they say" we don’t want you to suffer", and strongly encourage meds they have never tried themselves and don’t understand, with only black box theories that say throw one after another at a patient, never mind the mental torture of crack withdrawal periodically stabbing their spirit, no, that’s not something we recognize as real or any kind of cost, hell, the yang is invisible and won’t get down into our test tubes, so why should we white coated WEIRD respect it, huh?

I think it’s Rationalism, the religion, that becomes imperialist about consciouness-style, where you rationalists aren’t quite content to practice your madness by yourself, but would prefer that all your contemporaries practice your madness with you, no matter how inappropriate that major spiritual modification may be for them or for you, comfort not necessarily being as important as freedom, i was taught by hegel in 19th century germany, you eudaemonists, considering what’s good or bad based on comfort. Again, is it rational to be rational for no reason? OR for the sake of comfort ???

Yeah, my books aren’t “published” cause they’d never get past the gatekeepers of that world, rather i find you can post whatever you want for free on smashwords and forget about saving and storing up your ideas and diagrams on hard drives or thumb drives, just send em up on the internet and they are completely word searchable indexed on google, available world wide in ten different formats for free, bay area quake of the century come and burn my house down (I rent) and i can google my posessions from the space shuttle over citrix xendesktop. Not a capitalist, no I don’t charge, I also write computer books on Citrix every time the new version comes out, cause they can’t get the training in india and china but they can get the software for free, and I used to be a citrix instructor - these days i sit around bored level three citrix help desk, spending slow christmas season days where nobody cares about their broken roaming profile or their slow citrix web connection to write what you call manifestos, and what really would be the raw material for a manifiesto i guess you’re right, but really i’m just releasing steam from the volcanic vents of the molten madness sea just below this spout…

On smashwords there are stats - apparently my book that’s been up there a couple of years has been down loaded five hundred something times, but I know they don’t read much of it, still, i try to communicate with humanity on new wavelenghts, right here in this forum, a fish using this particular turbid pool to turn to a dragon and thicken wild whitewaters (I’m a zephylodontosaur, eater of the gentle wind, a zephyl-upagus), and this thickening of the wild white waters, does this mean i untame my madness, possibly doing some harm or affecting others? well, yeah, here’s the way i’ve always looked at it, and i have to rationalize this kind of evil because better than grooming my madness for my mom or my teachers or priests, i am a member of hegel’s Sittlikheit, or Cult of Ethical Life, the highest cult on earth, he says, where we will never wholly sacrifice anyone altogether on the altar of right, cause they are somebody’s father son brother mother sister wife after all, so i’m probably not going to be the world’s worst terrorist my mom thinks i will be, anyway, had to figure out how ethical or unethical this way i’ve been carrying on now for decades really is, and here’s what i came up with: i, sir, am an unreality check; it’s like a reality check, and that’s not considered unfair, right? People get all ivolved and focuessed on their “reality” and then I come along and upset and question the whole structure, and people are upset and find it disconcerting and tell me it takes them way too much mental energy to deal with me and would i please just shut up… so I go away, and I don’t feel sorry that that happened, maybe fate had it coming to them to run into something like me once in their life, however i do consider it unethical the way i am for someone who is around me all the time, previous wives, roomate, that can’t be good or healthy, they always complain, more and more as time goes on, the first wife I swear she’d foam at the mouth and have an episode of paralysis and deja vu - seizures? - only during my hour-long monolgues on unreality, and another girl went completely insane after understanding the inside of my cult - a girl afraid of death taken on a tour of the land of the dead - yeah, it’s never good when someone else is in the onderdonk cult, this mindset should not leave the firewall of this skull for any extended period of time. If you just met me, it’ll be ok, i’ll go away and you will completely recover shortly. Long term yes, I suspect I do damage. Honestly I have no remorse for turning over the gambling tables of old-timey ideation at the temple of western culture, i think the whole construction is “demon-inspired” - what’s this about not leaving on time ever for anything and then setting fossil fuels on fire to get there on time anyway, motionlessly hovering in wheelchairs and listening to classic rock from heroin addicts with guitars on the california freeway, and then waging multiple wars to secure worldwide domination of this fossil fuel, sounds kinda unethical and demonic, i choose to abstain, it’s not what the demons advise me to do it’s what i want to want to do, and so i am able to do, unlike those tied to what they want, I am free to want what I want myself to want, and I was told at a very young age that that meant I was “crazy”, so whatever with you sane people who have to be tied to what they want, you are all gonna fall down the hole! OK it’s ok, go down that hole of comfort and say goodbye to knowledge and truth and beauty, but excuse me if I skip that trip down your rabbit hole.

My sentences move like a camel, heavily freighted, across the desert of modern collective western consciousness, and the camel stops at watering holes to nourish the few and trade in demons, a fisher of men on a one camel parade, of course an annoyance to the vastators who keep the desert of culture dry, the “deep state” that kids out here like to call the “illuminati”, the WEIRD, of course they’re annoyed by the appearance of this camel, it’s procession through their desert skies spelling out the “doom of orthodox sophrosyne”, but hey, it’s just one camel, i’m not involved in politics or law-enforcement, the camel isn’t gonna catch on past a maximum of 1% of the human behavior flow, so the economists like my sister aren’t concerned with that one percent camel, she affords it two percent actually, and says her science of econometrics is happy to completely ignore the behavior of that two percent, the unknowable part of a turbulent flow that i idealize as i watch, not from a humanist perspective, which is where i think i loose the 99 % of the humans, but from a transcendental perspective not unheard of in the libraries and bookstores of america under names like george w hegel and lao tzu and lay man pang…

And maybe the science of econometrics shouldn’t have to listen to stories about the meaning of irrationality, but maybe the science of abnormal psychology is another story?

So the americans, a good fifty percent i find, freak out about the irrationality lovin mindset, and assume that if they had that mindset then rape and murder and pilliage would be the order of the day, and so law enforcement make their pre-emptive moves against me in the south or the midwest within days of my arrival.

It’s usually about the concepts of “property” and “trespass”; I’m taught by Hegel that property ownership is at best foolish and naive, at worst pure evil, that it’s all the Permanent Universal Capital, that it isn’t going anywhere, isn’t owned by anyone, the hordes of law enforcement from consensual reality insisting i respect their “property”, and if i laugh at a guy and say he looks like he has something to loose, they call the cops, and i walk away. i play along wth the whole thing where i go to the bank, get the smelly green paper and let the little green men run all over the floor when i get home, and i carry them around out in society and dole it out as i collect my share of resources, and i am offended when i walk away from a “purchase” and a vendor thinks he has just “accumulated” something, and there have been incidents of course, plenty, of madness versus the vendor, but ultimately it gets me nothing but banned, so these days i tend to behave and play along, madness forcibly groomed in that case by lack of access to resources or i would have kept it up.

You know, in astrophysics, it’s a little cleaner, and we abandon attachment. We let the Hubble flow go, we root for the forming star to NOT suffer heavy metal enrichment, to NOT entrain the ambient medium, ah, here mankind roots for purity, beauty, no obfuscation by concerns for comfort, but alas, below in the valley of the world, heavy metal enrichment and the entrainment of the ambient medium are the order of the day for the holiday season!

Still, on you tube, a monk, speaking from his remote hermitage in china, says when we die, we let go of everything, even the universe, so why not let go from the start?

and the Aztec Nahual “flower song” available on the internet and before that in the deep libraries, says there’s nothing here to get, just here for a short time, just say hello to the local gods and maintain a wise face and firm heart.

and the bible of chiristianity says don’t worry about the finances, go outside and live like the birds, and heaven will take care of everything.

I’m not evil, but i understand the purpose of evil, which is beauty, a beauty that the universe embraces unanimously when it comes back as the prodigal son to be enveloped within the wholeness again, but transformed by the journey, evil for the purpose of releasing a moth from a coccoon for a short time, an unreality check with neutron beams of toxicity tht fly randomly through the sky and over the internet, stirring human reality the way male and female humans get together and stir up their genes to form a zygospore, another demonic creation out of the same molten sea of pure madness…

On the very good and valid question of what importance a theory of the universe might have for doing any good to the human race, as the assumed answer is an unfortunate obstacle to people’s mind being opened to the learning, but yes, if they’d think about it, i give em time cause this avalanche of universe-wide–perspicacity out to z=6 came down the waterfall of space telescope data just this last few decades, and it will of course take em time, to realize how important this is, as i try to explain in my wan wu honeycomb book at the beginning, as i really think humanity would be able to make some big social leaps forward if they would make the simple analogies of humans to galaxies, cities and then societies to galactic clusters, of quasars to shamans at the center of some of these cultures, and the invisible force currently referred to as “dark matter” but currently being given up on in this month’s scientific american, another concession speech from modern science, but this 75 % of the universe we clearly see in the data but can’t sense with our eyes or telescopes or any device yet crafted by man, this “dark matter”, maps to the unseen surrounding spirit world, the halo of the immortals from taoism, the cloud of witnesses from catholicism, the all knowing spirit world of transcendental shamanism.

That cloud that we can’t see distilled us, baryonic reality, we are the snowflake at the center of a cloud that is invisible but knowable outside of science, through channels only maintained by the mad, and the thing is, we are truly “theirs”, snowflake at the center of a cloud that it is trying to deny the existence of or atleast the importance or dignity of and actually pursue trying to exorsize as if the demon world were a bad thing, were not us ourselves in our more magical and more massive form.

So, demon-inspired? Nah. I have access to demon counsel. I am not posessed (unless I allow myself to be); my inspiration is, i hope, more whole than their point of view which is as twisted and one sided-silly as humanity’s, every demon i ever met was wallowing in confused lostedness; my mentor was a tapir at the san francisco zoo, a shaman, a dream eater, demon eater, central quasar of the bay area, we talk irrationality sometimes, and now my mentor is the moon, whose magic i begin to explain in my most recent book, that I wrote a week ago about everything that’s been happening in my spirit life since last month, I think I “found the Way”, I think I met the universe, I’m certainly tripping at ten times the normal rate of psychosis creation these days for whatever reason.

So River-of-Heaven Open-Topped Ferry Ride is universe-inspired, therefore about 3/4ths unseen mystery and one quarter baryonic consensual reality of science - inspired.

Book on the wan wu honeycomb, well, yes, worked with the demons on that in astrophysics think tanks I like to organize those nuts into, makes them useful or atleast entertaining - i practice wu bu fa kao zhao fa, a demon management system i find to be highly effective and infinitely powerful, the wan wu honeycomb is the alchemy chamber so why not use it’s powers of transformation and transmutation for the benefit of mankind, i always say, wu bu fa kao zhao fa being two fa’s or methods, one the wu bu fa is an esoteric buddhist rite of exorcism and kao zhao fa is a taoist rite of summoning and interrogating demons, I enjoy it cause i get to spend up to 6 months with a demon or a demon family inside of me, powering immense effluent waves of manic psychosis and physical energy and stamina, till it ends very calmly and beautifully and humanely in the heart of a distant galactic protocluster, yes, certified psychopomp and developing independent technologies on my own, cause somebody had to do it, i travel alot and there’s alot of haunting in modern america, demons that need leadership; so wan wu honeycomb is a “Vorstellung” or pictorial view of the universe both baryonic and dark across all time, not what physics is even trying to describe, but i wish more people would just get into it and discuss alternative designs to reality, it’s not like you gatekeepers are all that magical, lookin too healthy or happy, and it’s not lookin like this science stuff has legs for down the pike as maybe they thought it would fifty years ago, i’m george jetson, and i work for spacely sprockets but this is the end of this kinda nonsense, and everybody knows it.

And book one is wagging my redshift tail, a philosophy of madness - I was trying to defend religion against the new atheists, felt they were running roughshod over some serious human irrational beauty that does humanity some serious good, arguments about violence and abuse aside, but after researching the issue in - depth for about 6 months, i ended up defending not religion but madness, the mother lava source of all religion past and the next 100 molten red tadpoles that haven’t lept up in to the frosty world of consensual reality and icicles of hope, yet.

i tell people don’t get bogged down in the first several chapters which are only a favorite psycosis about bugs from a few years ago and not as important to others, it really is centered around one essay in the middle, “Dicebant Quoniam in furorum versus est - because he is said to wander in the direction of madness” - that’s the core thesis defense of madness and it’s uses for mankind, and the rest of the book is essays based on that attitude.

So I don’t ask you or anyone to read these books, I don’;t even recommend it as a healthy activity, but for those that just can’t help themselves from going down this rabbit hole of extreme thought plasticity and exploding consciousness, a kenotic leap into a universe-wide “utmost pervasion”, for discussing different ideas outside any mainstream, well, this is my offering, and i appreaciate any criticism or insight that anyone would be so gracious to provide, it’s been called juvenile and masturbatory, which i can’t refute, cause i understand sz, and i understand that the cure is not to be reading my books, but rather can be presented in three very short sentences, and sometimes I use this cure…

Language bad.
Allergic to though.
The Great Black schizophrenia is beyond all talking about.

  • “Wonder D on Key”

wonderdonkey, please stop Im not reading another wall of babble. You are very symptomatic and it distresses me to hear your disorder speaking.

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