Schizophrenia and loss

I think a lot of us are grieving over things we’ve lost to this illness, and also over non-sz related losses. There is the loss of cognitive functions, the loss of important aspects of our personalities and identities, the loss of dreams and plans for the future, the loss of estranged friends and family, etc. On top of this we have to deal with normal losses, like loved ones who have passed or are about to pass and relationships that did not endure.

Are you currently grieving any losses; big or small, sz-related or otherwise?
How can we come to terms with our losses?
Do we ever fully heal when we have lost something or someone very dear to you?
Does schizophrenia make loss more difficult to bear?

One Art
Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

—Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

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I think I’m grieving the loss of my so-thought sense of sanity. I thought I was sane but I was not. So now that I am on meds and actually sane I grieve the moments of relaxed socializing and saying what was in my head. Now it seems only fear lives there, where all these interests and opinions were. Like I’m affraid I’d say something off or sounding crazy. I’m grieving the phase when I felt I wasn’t stigmatized and wouldn’t stigmatize myself.

Also grieving lost friendships. A lot of isolation going on right now.

Like that poem says, we keep losing stuff everyday. Thinking about the important losses and why those bother us so much, without ruminating the thoughts of it, it can be healthy and maybe enlightnening.
Acceptance is the most important step for any recovery.

My experience says no. We learn to live with it, but some scars stay there to remind us.

Definetly yes.

Good thread @anon9798425

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I am also grieving loss of social “function” (for lack of a better word). Most people used to love hanging out with me, but now it seems they are bored in my company. And my head is filled with fear of acting “wrong”, like you said. Also grieving my loss of functioning and missing the days when things were simple and I was sane.

Two of my grandparents are sick. Alzheimer’s and cancer. I’m just glad it’s not my mom or dad… and I lost my fiancé who I’m still living with, we broke up, and with him I will lose the dog we got together since I’m not able to take care of her.

Life is really tough some days. But I know many others here are in worse situations and grieving more profound losses. And I have many things to be happy about - I should not forget about the good things in my life.

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Oh I’m sorry about your relationship and your grandparents. It’s tough, it really is.

I think social skills are indeed skills. I’m relearning how to socialize again, this forum has been a great help in that actually.

Yeah, we should not forget the good things in life. Keep our heads up!

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Thanks. I think you are right in saying that thinking about important losses without ruminating can be healthy and enlightening. It is hard to accept the important things, like this, that we have no control over.

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I struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts, they were gone for about a week and a half and then yesterday they came back. I can’t control them I need to accept them, and I seem to be unable to. It takes a lot of energy from me, I need to accept them, so they loose some importance. It’s hard.

But this is off topic, I’m sorry

Yes, intrusive thoughts are really draining. Always something really disgusting or horrible. :persevere:

I don’t mind off topic discussions, that is fine. I just hope there will be a few more replies to this topic before the thread dies.

This is a good thread, it will have replies. It’s still early on the forum, it’s really quiet on sunday mornings. :smile:

I know, my intrusive thoughts are always things I can’t grasp as a being or something completly nonsense like a word. “Wheat” … go figure. Songs playing constantly in my head also, because of @turningthepage I have mellow yellow in my head for days now. lol, I have to look at the funny side of this.

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“Act cleanly without regret” - Terence Mckenna ~

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I have suffered schizophrenia for so long that I sometimes feel used to it. But when I look back I see what has been stolen. I read about and see other people with sz who end up accomplishing so much and living pretty normal lives. My biggest loss because of sz though was dropping out of art college. I was a mess at a time I should have been vibrant and enjoying learning, etc. Lots of other losses, mostly quality relationships… But, life keeps giving chances to try again, try different versions/new things. I remember people with sz living on the streets, given over to the voices, and I’m deeply grateful for what I have held on to.

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I’ve lost so much due to sz. My apartment, my job, my friends, lovers. It’s been hell. But I’ve come to learn that only 2 of the people in my life were good, truly caring people at the end of the day. Everyone, even my own family shunned me when I got sick. It’s been very depressing dealing with this illness. But I have learned a lot.

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Sorry you have lost so much. Being shunned by your family must have been really tough.

Thank you for this thread. I feel I lost who I was meant to be - especially since symptoms started at 16.

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I can definitely relate to that. Symptoms at 16 is early, I didn’t get sz symptoms until I was 20 or something. Probably makes it harder to cope when you get it that early, right?

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Ah the losses…
hurt like no other when you learn you really can’t protect yourself (or your belongings) from other’s harm.

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I lost so much due to my illness, but I also lost so much due to my divorce - house, my lovely dog, future plans etc…

My last therapist told me that I should officially grieve for the things that I lost.

Man, Life can be full of Sadness.

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I lost my life as I knew it. I’m adjusting to a life of pain and academia. I was going to be a soldier. This is all a mistake.

I lost my mind and I wake up with it lost every morning then find it in meds. I lost my locus of control. My mind is in little pills, about ten a day. I’m alienated from my own mind, it’s like it’s not even my property, it’s like it’s something I have to work for, then I have to work to live.

This question you posted deserves an honest answer.

My mind is not split, it is shattered. I pick up the pieces all day every day. It never ends.

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Good post! I really like your descriptions, they are quite creative. I also lost my locus of control but it’s coming back to me as I progress with my recovery process.

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Unrelated to sz but I recently lost a friend it was very sad and I’m grieving it. Rip

Sorry for the loss of your friend.