Heard or “hallunicated” my mum saying that I should just die .
Really struggling at the moment, dont know how I’m going to get through the next hour let alone the rest of my life. Had to stop myself from getting a scalpel and hurting myself.
The other day I beat my legs black and blue. It feels like I’m completely on my own with this.
you are not alone, people here understand. when i was down after hearing voices tell me i have no right to be alive i would punch myself in the head. do you have a doctor?
The voices keep telling me I don’t love people, when I do. I literally do so much.
I don’t currently, I was with the mental health team for a while, and then I had a doc whilst in hospital for a month but he treated me suspiciously, didn’t offer me any support, I was just left to get on with it, I’ve tried being strong for so long, but it’s worn me down to the point where I’m breaking under it
It can be so difficult to control emotion cant it
At least you are hallucinating.
My family says it to my face, one even threatened to stab me to death once.
They said “if you kill yourself leave your bank card.”
One tried to murder me three times by getting me to take drugs as well.
One is insanely jealous of me and he looked over at my mom and said “you want to kill him?”
Thanks god, reign down more blessings on me please.
I’m so sorry to hear that man,
What a tough, horrible situation to be in!
You must be an incredibly strong person to go through that
Hi
You aren’t alone. We have been there too.
I wish I could send you (all the way from New Zealand) my fluffy ginger cat called Gus. He would squeak (he doesn’t really meow) and drape himself over your lap. He was a rescue cat and somehow seems to know exactly how bad things can get.
Think about making a plan how to get through today. Can you ring someone? Listen to some music? Go for a walk? Think about making an appointment to see your doctor. It sounds like you need more support than you have at the moment and a doctors appointment might be the best way to make that happen. They are there to help you. You don’t need to live like this - you just need to figure out how to get the support you need,
Hugs.
T.
I’ve never self-harmed but I know how it feels to be near the edge of insanity. I was pretty much like that for two years after I first diagnosed. The worst part was that when I felt like I would really go crazy any minute, my disease got even worse. Schizophrenia is no respecter of it’s victims. When you think it couldn’t get worse, it actually can get much worse.
Are you on medication? Because medication helps most of us to a point even though the side-effects suck.
Are you seeing a doctor regularly? Its good to have someone to tell your problems to.
Are you isolating? Isolating is not good for us.
What help are you getting, if any?
That’s all it was. It was a hallucination. Your mom does not want you to die.
You need to seek help and support. This site helped me through one of the worst times in my life, when my mom died and a bunch of other life circumstances sent me spiraling downward out of control. This site can sure help but it’s important to have help in real life.
You’re mom didn’t say it, you don’t need to hurt yourself, just take a deep breath and find something to distract yourself, it does lose it’s grip afrer awhile.
You just got to keep distracting yourself and ignore what you hear, nothing will happen to you if you don’t respond to the voices.
Thank you for putting a smile on my face, cats are my favourite thing ever, especially fluffy ones! The fluffy cat that lives across the street from me always runs full pelt over to me whenever it sees me, always melts my heart! Wish I could steal it lol.
I know other people are probably going through much worse, I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. Bloody voices! I’ll definitely make an appointment.
Hugs returned!
I see my boyfriend, but he said it was the medication that was making me crazy and actively encouraged me to come off it, I think I need to grow a back bone and just go back on it, although I want to try something other than what I was put on as it didn’t help with my voices at all. I just seriously want to isolate myself from everyone.
I’m really new to this, so even though deep down I know it’s not real; it feels incredibly real.
I’ll definitely be making a doctors appointment on Monday,.
Thank you for the support everyone x
We can’t let people who are not sick themselves or who know little about medications or schizophrenia and how they work, we can’t let them dictate whether we should go off of our medication. I think a lot of people on this site have at least one experience or maybe more, about family members or friends telling them to stop taking meds.
In some cases it has ended in disaster for everyone involved. I’m sure your boyfriends heart was in the right place and he had good intentions but doctors have more knowledge about medication than the average person.
Psychosis can take a measurable toll on a persons brain. If someone keeps going off their meds twice a year for example and they relapse each time, each subsequent relapse will do damage to the brain and it will have a cumulative effect. These meds are strong and should not be taken lightly or tampered with except by a professional.
Well I brought it up with him, and he said “you’re not going back on them” like that’s his decision to make -.-
I just want some help with this, I can’t do it by myself anymore.
According to him, the tablets make me timid and he doesn’t want to go back there.
Well that’s just excellent.
It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend is very supportive. Maybe you should keep the meds and lose the boyfriend.
I agree. Your health comes first. I had a controlling boyfriend like that before too and he was more concerned about being in control than in my health. He thought he knew more than the Dr’s. I am sorry your going through this! My dad, who I live with, is not supportive and has even barked at me twice for being delusional. He handles it with anger. Thank, God I have my kids who understand and love me. I also journal. Maybe journaling could help you feel better. I also enjoy my therapy sessions and that helps me feel ‘heard’. I wish you the best of luck with this situation. You also have this website.
How old are you by the way?
Your boyfriends decision could cost you a lot of negative grief in the short run and in the long run. Seriously bad things can happen when a person with schizophrenia goes off of their prescribed medication.
I just want to say, that I am just a stranger to you so take my relationship advice with a grain of salt.
But here is what I want to ask you. What future do you see with this boyfriend? How serious is this relationship? Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life together? Is he going to be there for you if you relapse or do you think he’ll leave you? if you get sick, will he just move on and find another girl?
Can your parents help you to get and take medication even if your boyfriend insists that he wants you off of it? Your boyfriend may be the best boyfriend in the world. He may be kind and considerate and caring and he may really love you and he may be loyal and dependable. BUT…is he really qualified to give medical advice? I don’t think so. Maybe when you see your doctor he will stick up for you or give you a note to give to your boyfriend explaining why you need to take meds. Or maybe you can get your boyfriend to read the numerous websites having to do with schizophrenia and medication. Read them together maybe so he can understand what you’re going through and why medication is needed.
Your situation is a medical problem. It needs to be treated with medication.
Glad you posted here, you are not alone, I never self harmed physically, but mentally I am self destructive, We tend to give up our self worth either way.
Try to avoid stress at times like this as it only makes it worse, guess we can’t live with our heads buried in the sand so we have to suffer through it,
Hope you find posting here comforting
I’m 21 years old, literally I don’t want to break up with him, think I’ll talk him round, he warmed to the idea of a med change, but it would of been nice to have the initial support; as this is something that doesn’t go away by itself. I’m glad and feel lucky to have found this forum and you guys!
I really do, it’s nice talking to people that understand what it’s like, my mum keeps saying she understands but she doesn’t because she hasn’t been through it, but I appreciate the notion!
Hallucinations of sound are easy to get wrong. I find myself catching snatches of what people say, and I think it is something really bad, when it probably isn’t. At one time I thought people were trying to get me to commit suicide when I was at school. I kept hearing them say that in the hallway outside my room. These things can have a way of being self fulfilling prophecies. One time I heard a person say, “We’ve got to do something about him.” It is plausible that people would say that outside the context of my delusions and hallucinations, but I took it as if they were trying to find a way to get me to commit suicide. I wouldn’t be too credulous about what you’re hearing.
As for the self mutilation, maybe you should go to a mental health professional about that. It is a terrible road to go down. I’ve done a little of that too. What keeps me from self mutilation now is that I would lose my apartment if the people in charge where I live found out I was self mutilating. Try not to keep secrets about your self destructive urges.
I really don’t have any advice that the others haven’t already given you. Just wanna encourage you that you’re not alone in your struggles. Hope you feel better soon and continue to find the support you need here. Best wishes in your recovery, @Tiredout.