About 5 years of schizophrenia and now they want me dead

Ive lived with them for about 5 years they’ve told me to kill myself over and over making me want to do i lose my self in "my " mind if i dont get back ill be gone theyll get what they want… My boyfriend id be gone hes the only one who can get me back but if he even leaves for a minute to long ill be to far gone… Please tell me what this is…Please kill me before they make me kill myself

You need to do some grounding…deep breaths…grab an object and feel the texture. Really focus on every aspect of it, the color and how it feels…it is YOU touching the object…you are here in the world touching the object…the object is real…the voices are just background noise…

Are you on medication? I suggest therapy as well so you can learn coping mechanisms that can teach you to be more independent, it’s dangerous to depend solely on your boyfriend because no one can be around you 24/7 (I learned that lesson the hard way) and it can put a lot of strain on a relationship. Lastly if you are very worried for your safety PLEASE go to the hospital or call them to pick you up.


Im on no medication im 15 whos gonna listen to me and not think imm crazy my mom stopped my appointments bc she said we could fix this at home but she never tried i dont trust people bc they will think im crazy hes all i can depend on my friends all 2 of them that i have close to me have there own problems hes always there when i need him but hes not why im not gonna be able to get back they cloud my mind i wont be able to get back

I’m sorry…that must be so hard to deal with alone when you’re so young…I had my first psychotic episode around your age…

Who cares if they think you’re crazy…if it means you can get the help you need you need to tell them everything…meds will make the voices and the fear stop…hiding it will only make your mom not understand the issue and push it under the rug…something I learned over time is that we have to be our own advocates. Your mom and the people around you don’t know how bad it is for you right now. They won’t know unless you tell them how bad it is, that there are things telling you to kill yourself and you’re afraid you’ll listen, that you want help and you need it from a professional.

I know you’ll be able to get back because you must be very strong trying to manage all this on your own…you’re strong for not listening to those nasty voices. Just because you are young doesn’t mean you aren’t powerful.


It’s not worth it to be self-conscious about what you’re struggling with. If I had been less self-conscious and less worried what people thought of me and had stood up for myself earlier I could have gotten help during my first episode…I developed ptsd from that episode because I had no help and tried to hide what happened to me, because I was scared others would think I was crazy…because of my fear I suffered so much more than I should have and ended up with ptsd…

And later I became suicidal…if I had not gotten myself help, if I had remained afraid, then I would not be here today…my mom refused to help me at the time just like yours…so I went to see my high school’s psychologist since she wouldn’t let me see a therapist…you could do the same. Fight for yourself. You can get through this.


This breaks my heart to read :frowning: you really need help, even if you reached out to a school councillor or someone you can trust, just know you’re always welcome to chat on this forum and we will always lend an ear, if you feel like you can’t cope when you’re not with your boyfriend. This is a really good support system to have around you!


I had a friend who OD’ed and die right after explaining they were coming for him. Just ignore it, it’s the illness talking and stay out of trouble.

It’s very important right now that you get professional help. That is what will make you better. Tell your mom exactly what you are going through and that you feel you might kill yourself. If she doesn’t listen, go to your school counselor or a trusted teacher. Tell someone you are suicidal and they will be able to help you.

They might send you to the hospital for a few days. Don’t be afraid of this. The hospital can be a great place to gain some stability in your life. You will be safe there. If they don’t send you to the hospital, they will probably get you an appointment with the school psychologist. They can help teach you different coping skills.

It would help the most if you can get your mom to take you to an adolescent psychosis center near you. Hang on, I’ll get you a list of them, and you can see if any are near you.

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If one of these centers is near you, try to get to one. They have great resources.

If your mom is unwilling to let you try medicine, you can ask her to look into neurofeedback or cognitive behavioral therapy. Both of them train your mind to stay calm and rational during times of crisis. I prefer neurofeedback, but many people here love CBT. CBT is covered by insurance. If you do neurofeedback, you have to pay out of pocket. Most places offer scholarships, or charge on a sliding scale to make it more affordable.

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Id love to tell spme one but im scared i will end up in a hospital im scared i will listen again. …I cant ignore them their to strong i know its my mind but im not the one who controls it I would tell the school but all they would do is suspend me for 3 days and schools out my mom doesnt understand that it isnt a home probably its a problem of being so alone my child hood i never really had many friends i was always alone so i talked to myself but the voices became many personalitiesinside my head with one motive which was to make me wind up dead they were my only friends but them being inside my head gave them acess to sverything i thought everything i feared everything i regretted everything i wanted but they used it to get stronger to push me down farther

I agree with the idea of going to the school counselor and being completely honest, including about how afraid you are. It is very hard to take that first step but the pay off may be great. If you can get into therapy and get going on some medication, it may make you feel a lot better and make the voices go away completely. I wish you all the very best. Ignore the voices. They are wrong.

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You cant ignore the only thing you hear

You can if it will kill you.

It’s going to be okay.
I’m 17 and I understand how frustrating it can be when you can’t really control how your illness is treated. Believe it or not I was actually in your same situation just a few weeks ago. The voices in my head we’re telling me to kill myself over and over and over and it was getting really hard not to listen to them.

I talked to my therapist about it and she said the best thing to do is to try to apply logic to the situation, i.e. think to yourself: are the voices really telling the truth? what would happen to my friends and family if I killed myself? For me, it was thinking of my parents and my best friend and how devastated and heartbroken they would be if I were gone. I know someone cares about you that much too, what would happen to your boyfriend if you died?

I would also recommend finding a calming activity you can focus on when these psychotic/suicidal episodes start like listening to music, coloring, meditating, or even just watching funny cat videos. Anything to distract you and drown out the voices. For me, it’s telling my best friend about what’s going on so she can help me through it and make sure I don’t do anything I’ll regret.

Bottom line: don’t kill yourself. I know it’s cliché but suicide really isn’t a solution. You’re life will get better and the voices will go away or at least become manageable if you get the help you need. Therapy and antipsychotics have made things a lot better for me. The best thing to do is talk to someone you trust or to people on this forum. I’ve been where you are and it’s not like this forever. But if the voices get too strong or overwhelming, talk to a medical professional right away. I hated the idea of going to a hospital too, but it’s better than killing/hurting yourself. The people there are kind, know what to do, and can really help you.

You can get through this. You are strong, and I believe in you.


Ive tried to tell myself they were wrong and they just questioned me back into believing they were right i dont have a way out im a sunken ship at the bottom of the sea… Drowning under everything never to be seen again

If you feel you are about to act on what they are telling you, call 911 or go to your emergency room.

I ended up in my local emergency room a few months ago and they were actually very nice. Except at one point I said I needed to go and they got real pissy with me, but overall they were nice. (It was just because they thought I was going to walk out of there in a hospital gown and my socks and undies, but I wasn’t going to do that.) One of the nurses even brought me a sandwich. 4/5 stars, would do again if I had to.

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I cant I dont want my family to know the less they know the better… But for tonight i must turn in because the days already starting to begin… Good Night hopefully they allow me to see tomorrow

Go to sleep - lack of sleep will make things worse.

At 15, you may not be able to keep your family in the dark. You’re hanging on now, but you could get sicker. Them knowing is not worse than you being dead. The doctors can explain things to them if you cannot. Your parents may just be in denial. It is hard to accept that a child is ill.

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If they know the voices will use them against me i made enough risks with telling some friends and my Boyfriend they get used against me constantly i dont want it to come to that bc if i begin to think my family wants me dead i will refuse to come back i will let them get what they want

Don’t let the voices back you into a corner. If you make it impossible for anyone to help you, what do you think is going to happen? There are medications that can help with the voices. The doctors know this even if your parents do not.