Really frustrated by my mother in law right now

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I really thought she’d become more independent during my time away from the house but I almost feel its the opposite.

Every half hour she needs something, its cold build a fire, make me some hot cocoa, bring me my mail off the table, call my doctor and make an appointment, call the pharmacy and refill my prescriptions, get me some ice in two glasses.

Its out of control.

On top of all that, she’s smoking again. Which she knows she’s not allowed to do with her renal failure. So she can walk outside, around the house and smoke, but she can’t get her own ice from the freezer?

Plus she’s diabetic and eating a lot of holiday chocolate.

I feel like I’m doing all the work and she’s not even trying.

Never does her physical therapy and is still walking with a walker against her surgeon’s advice.

I’m really starting to think she may have suffered some sort of minor stroke that’s altered her personality, because even a year ago she would be able to see how ridiculous this situation is.

I need to talk to my husband about it, but she’s always around.

We’re going to a friend’s Friday night, maybe I can take advantage of the drive there and have a little heart to heart.

Anyone have to be caretaker to someone like this?

Its beginning to make me angry and I don’t want to resent my husband or her,

I just want her to get better and start trying.

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My gran lives with us 96 years old. It’s hard. I’m thinking to ask for a carer.:flushed::disappointed_relieved:

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You’re right, its hard.

If she doesn’t get better, or start trying to get better, we may be looking at some sort of assisted living.

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It’s hard because she’s heavily dependant on us. She refuses to wear incontinence pads and I’m mum has to clean up after her constantly .she refuses to see she’s making things hard. She doesn’t want a carer but I’m thinking it’s getting so hard for mum we do end up saying things I wish I should not.

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Yeah I think that might be a good option. Theyll also have better expertise and training in being able to care for her.

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It is okay to refuse to do something when you know she can do it.

My mom lived with me for a while back before she died. She got to where she did nothing for herself until I put my foot down and told her “I am not your slave and I won’t do until you get one!”

You deserve better and I hope you fight for it.

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I’m going to talk to my husband this weekend,

Hopefully we’ll be able to have a frank conversation with her about her new habits.

I’m not her slave,

She can do things on her own, clearly,

Its not fair for her to keep putting me in this position.

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I help my wheelchair bound Mom who also suffers with dementia.
I do so much to help take care of my mom but it’s draining the life out of me because it affects my mental health too.

My father can’t continue taking care of my mom because he is 84 years old and suffers with a precancerous blood disorder and anemia.
He has a bad back and is frail himself.

At some point soon we are going to need to hire home health aides to come over to the house.

Being a caregiver when you suffer with a severe mental illness is hard.

I know what you are going through @GoldenRex.
It’s rough.

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I agree with @anon4362788 that there is nothing wrong with putting your foot down about her doing things she can do for herself. Hope you get to talk to your husband about this. You don’t deserve to have this thrust upon you and you have to take care of your own needs, too, and that includes your mental health.

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I have to admit this whole situation makes me really angry for you. It was unfair to saddle someone with mental illness in basically an indentured servant position.

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That’s exactly what has happened.

I’m angry too,

I just want to get it under control before it boils over and becomes some irreversible mess.

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