She has a new ailment every single day.
She still walks with a squeaky walker, even though she had her hip surgery in October.
Worse, she’s about to have to go on dialysis.
That means I have to take her because she can’t drive, hell, she can hardly walk for some unknown reason.
Its like she’s just given up and she’s dragging everyone down with her.
I’m not doing anything I want to do because I’m too busy doing stuff for her.
Plus she’s smoking.
She smokes outside, but her person smells like cigarettes and diapers, very, very gross.
I don’t know what to do.
I want my life back.
What can I do to improve my quality of life while dealing with her?
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Is she not qualified to have an assisted living home with all this?
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I thought you guys had a conversation with her about going to a care home. Maybe you should revisit that?
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She is,
But we already tried having her in an assisted living facility.
She bitched to my husband the whole time about how lousy the accommodations were and we ended up taking her back in.
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We already tried.
She just won’t go again.
She says its loud and the food is bad.
I thought the place seemed nice enough, but she badgered my husband until we brought her back home.
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Dang Goldenrex, it’s a shame you’ve had to deal with that for the past year.
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It is a shame.
I’m really suffering because of it and it makes me feel very alone.
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I’ve definitely noticed your mood is affected by her. It must feel like a drag to have to deal with. Is there anything else that can be done about her?
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She sounds like an arch manipulator from some of the things you’ve said.
The only way out of this is for her to go to a care home and for you guys to stand your ground and not be manipulated.
Maybe you could find another care home.
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Does she get Medicare or something that would provide a grits bus for transportation
And maybe a home health nurse for the rest
I’m not sure what all pays for but maybe it’s worth a look
If not maybe some community based services could help.
I really feel bad for you. Sounds like she is manipulating your husband
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I can try to talk to my husband again about assisted living,
But I just don’t think its going to work.
I’m feeling really nervous about her going on dialysis because that’s a lot of travel for us and she’s at huge risk every time she leaves the house.
Plus she’s going to have to have surgery to implant a port in her belly,
I’m sure she’s going to milk that for all it’s worth.
Right now I feel like I’m losing an important time in my life to caring for her.
I’ve elected not to have children for gods sake,
I don’t want to take care of anybody.
This is a disaster.
@Cindy10, she’s not even old enough to be on Medicare,
So I don’t think that kind of transportation will work for us.
Even if she was, surely she wouldn’t want to go on a bus anywhere, she’d demand I take her.
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Do you have a place you could go stay for a while? To get away and also to make your husband deal with her. It isn’t fsir he expects you to deal with her when she should be in a home. You have enough to deal with having sz.
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I do have somewhere I could go,
But I don’t want to leave my dogs.
I know how that sounds, but they have separation anxiety and I think I do too when it comes to leaving them.
If it weren’t for the dogs I would have checked out months ago.
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Yeah, but do you want to have a psychotic episode? This stress will trigger one. It always does for people like us.
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Can a caregiver come to the home so you at least deal with her less and maybe she won’t smell like a diaper.
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Tried that too.
She doesn’t like having “other people” coming in the house to help her.
I set her up on a nursing program where they come to the house and help her with everyday tasks, like bathing.
They called her to coordinate schedules and she told them she didn’t want the services.
I help her take a shower once a week, but it still doesn’t help with the cigarette/diaper smell.
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Reading this thread makes me feel totally and completely effed.
She’s not going to get better or go to assisted living,
This is just my goddamned life now.
I think getting rid of her is a little tough for your husband because he is an only child and might feel like he owes it to his mother to take care of her. He must be a good dude but it is is unfortunate she causes you strife.
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You should put your foot down and say she’s only allowed to live with you if she accepts nursing services on a regular basis. Make it non-negotiable. Tell her that her other option is living elsewhere
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Im in the same boat. One of my grandparents has Alzheimer’s and the other just had a knee replacement. I am expected to take care of both of them but it’s stressing me out so much that I’m hallucinating now. Both grandparents have their own set of rules dictating what they like or don’t like. My therapist says my grandfather could be charged with negligence if I stay with my grandma with Alzheimer’s cause both are not in their right minds. It seems you care about her while also giving into her demands. You deserve more say in all these matters. She definitely needs home health or assisted living.
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