It happened.
I was honest with my pdoc, who referred me to a forensic psychiatrist, who agreed with me that I’m a psychopath.
The drug induced psychosis will never go away, and I’ll be on Rexulti for the rest of my life
But it’s so cathartic to finally be able to admit to myself and others what the problem is, and finally be able to get help and treatment
I always thought a sociopath was worse but not sure.
A sociopath is more physically destructive while a psychopath is not mentally harmful.
In other words, a sociopath might steal your car. But a psychopath will sell you a car you don’t need, repossess it when you can’t make the payments, and laugh about it all the way to the bank.
My anti-social behaviours and attitudes were learned, but I’m a psychopath.
Yeah, doc told me something similar. It sucks to hear that but I have accepted the fact that I’m sick.
Honestly, the part that messes me up is just how many red flags there were, but I didn’t get help I needed because I’m a woman and no one understood
Sorry, that word should be “more”. Psychopaths are more mentally harmful
From what I know, female psychopaths are good at adapting to their surrounding. Although having comorbidity with ADHD must be hard, with impulsivity etc.
I myself am considering going back to school.
I think it’s important knowing that psychosis is not the end. Are you able to work? Or do you have plans on studying? Is there something you want to do, despite being prone to boredom?
We talked about impulsivity, deceit, and detachment in my therapy sessions. For some reason those things seem to come up a lot whenever we talk lol
I guess because I am impulsive, deceitful, and detached?
Psychosis is definitely not the end dude. I abused prescription substances to induce psychosis because I wanted to trip but couldn’t score acid in a new city.
Isn’t that a serial killer thing to do??? 
But now I’m sober from alcohol and my substance of choice after completing my 12 steps. I eat right and exercise, I paint, and I 100% I swear to God do NOT torture animals. And I take my medication as prescribed by my psychiatrist
Psychosis is nothing to me now. I had a 10/10 break on New Year’s Eve but I used my DBT skills and the crisis line and I got though it. And I did it without anyone, anything, or myself getting hurt.
The thing with female psychopaths is that we are usually (but not always) the eldest daughter, and we prefer to operate in pairs
I am actually working two full time jobs right now, and even though I’m just breaking in to small business ownership, I’d like to say that I’ve been thus far successful. I did actually go to school already. Honors degree in prelaw. I wrote the LSAT without studying and scored in the 86th percentile. I’m smart, but I needed direction and validation to make me realize that I wanted to live as a Good Person, not an Evil Person
I’m also thinking of going back to school, maybe to study history?
I guess my point is that, as hopeless as things may seem, there is always life after psychosis <3
Any other questions about female psychopathy, PLEASE I’m dying to talk about ME 
Then you should speak everything about you!
Are you serious? Like, everything? Because I’m in therapy now, so there’s a lot lol
You could write everything you want about yourself
Get ready for a novel, luh 
You could write a novel and publish it, if you wanted to do that
TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse and the upbringing of a female serial killer
I was taken into foster care at three along with my younger brother. He’s three years younger, so he grew up with our parents being his parents. But to me they were total strangers. They loved him, but I was just the “plus one”. They were very abusive in every way but sexually.
It ■■■■■ up an eleven year old girl to have a parent look at you and tell you to get out of their house.
I haven’t been hugged by someone who I saw as a parental figure since I was three years old.
By the time I was ten, I had realized that there was something fundamentally wrong with the way I perceive and interact with the world. That was also the year that I was sexually assaulted by my best friend’s step dad. I think that permanently broke me in a way I can’t quite explain. I think what it did was teach my lizard brain that we are all just meat and nothing . And ever since then, I’ve been incapable of seeing “normal” people as equals.
I’ve met other psychopaths in the wild. When your eyes meet, you can communicate through subtle micro expressions so accurately that, to a psychotic mind, it can feel as though you’ve had a genuine psychic experience. I believed that I the literal Messiah because I was deeply psychotic and I was so in tune with the human experience that I thought I was god.
It’s tough being a female psychopath because so many male psychopaths want power. They want to dominate and control. But I’m the alpha ■■■■■ in my relationships. I think that’s why so many female psychopaths (myself included) tend to find their home as gay artists. Of course for me, my art is business and my “gay” is that I have an intersex condition that affects my hormone levels: excessive testosterone creates homicidal ideation in women. That’s why so many of us snap post-partum. A female psychopath can be an amazing mom, but she can just as easily be a cruel and capricious one.
My two mom bio moms were a narcissist and a transgender sociopath. Together they birthed a psychopath, who went on to be raised by psychopaths lol
That`s a lovely story
I’ve actually started doing art therapy again. Therapy has been amazing in unlocking my brain. I realized that my mind is basically just a supercomputer, and if I can get people to talk to me like I’m a robot, I can perform my functions.
I want to be a mom, but I’m scared because I don’t know how to. My partner has been really good about helping me process my sexual trauma.
Here’s the ■■■■■■ up thing about my sexual trauma: because my brain is wired as a lizard, most of my sexual trauma actually comes from having victimized others in the exact same way that I was victimized. I’ve found that an active and healthy sex life has really done a lot to bring out my better side.
Really, the treatment for psychopathy shouldn’t be prison. It should be therapy, direction, and validation. The stereotype that someone is messed up because they “weren’t hugged enough” is 100% accurate. All we need is a healthy way to process our aggression. Right now, I’m processing my aggression by starting a small business and concentrating on my art. I should post pictures of some of my art sometime. Maybe I’ll add them to this thread when I remember?
It’s not that I’m a liar, it’s that I’m inherently deceitful in the way I interact with people. The biggest difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is in how they use violence. Sociopaths are very “hot”. Psychopaths are “cold”. A sociopath uses “reactive violence,” which means that when they get overwhelmed with emotion, they lash out. When I get overwhelmed with emotion, I become very detached. My brain switches into overdrive and, suddenly, every and any option is on the table.
That’s why I was self-medicating by abusing prescription meds. I just wanted the internal emptiness to go away. My whole internal life is a constant struggle between cold emptiness and white hot rage. I can emotionally go from 0-100 on command. I tell my lizard brain that its in charge now, and I literally black out while I get sexual pleasure from hurting people.
I can work myself up to the point that I black out into a dissociative rage. I literally can trigger psychotic rage at will. That seems like a problem lolololol
When two female serial killers meet in the wild, something happens. It’s like a mating ritual. You scope each other out, learn each others preferences, do a little internet sleuthing. Then you meet, usually for coffee in a public place. Then you just talk. Who are you, who do you know. Were you born into it or did your parents force it on you? Then you meet a second time, usually at someone’s house or at a party. And then you get to ask the leading questions that you already know the answers to, using their micro expressions to have multiple conversations at once. That’s when you really get to know a person, is in the second meeting. You’ve seen them in public, and you’ve silently agreed to put the mask down and see who you each really are. This is the most important step, as its the make or break. You will fly from Seattle to Vegas for a weekend meet someone you talked to on the internet, because you realized that you might be able to do some real damage. Remember, we operate in pairs. At this point, the two of you have synched energies enough that you can sus each other out in a meaningful way. And what you’re trying to do is find out where in the Hierarchy they fall. The Hierarchy is:
It’s demeaning to be with someone who is of a lower rank in the hierarchy than you. If you sus someone out, and you learn they’re lower rank than you, you get disgusted. Like, ■■■■■■■ someone lower on the hierarchy than you is like ■■■■■■■ an animal. It’s abhorrent. You have to dissociate out of it, it’s horrific. If you sus someone out as “lower” than you, all prior interest immediately evaporates and they become just another victim.
But if you ever meet someone in the same place in the hierarchy as you, you immediately feel the sparks fly. And then you having meeting number three. Meeting number happens after 3 months. Meeting number three happens after you’ve built trust. If, after three months, you realize that they don’t fit into the same “subtype” as you, you get bored and move on. Once you realize that meeting number three is never going to happen, you realize they’re not the ONE and you move on. Because if they’re not sloppy, and they’re smart, and cold, and angry. Once you’re both ready, you have the mythical meeting number three. That’s where you just sort of talk shop.
What’s your MO? What’s you ideal victim? What sick fantasies do you really want to play out? Are we seriously considering this? The thing you figure out in meeting number three is which one of you is the “worm” and which is the “hammer”. Because we always operate in pairs, and it always “skips” a generation. Two “worms” can’t coexist in the same space, and two “hammers” can’t stay together.
And that’s as far as I got before I got arrested and “strongly recommended” that I consider going to therapy instead of continuing to lash out.
There. That’s my story. I hope you appreciate the novel. I did warn you! lol
I am now 100% open to questions, I promised this community when I made this account that I would only ever be as honest as I could while still maintaining some semblance of anonymity
Thanks for reading all this!
xoxo Alice
Did you really kill a lot of people?
I should also add that my (repeated and sometimes incestuous) sexual assaults is that my brain is wired “backwards”. So what should have been pain became pleasure, and pleasure became pain, and I learned to associate one with the other to the point that the extreme emotion of “love” can trigger a literal dissociative rage. So sexual assault to me seen as pleasurable and desirable, whereas straight vanilla “sex” became literally repulsive. The thought of kissing someone with my mouth is literally as erotic as sex. And in that regard, I’m kind of a sloot right? but also I am a huge sloot because sex with another psychopath is the best thing in the world. Even if it’s not literally sexual. The thrill that comes with tangling with another psychopath in the wild, female or not, is the most exhilarating feeling in the world. That’s why there’s so many steps. Because as you’re sniffing out WHO they are, you are also trying to find out WHAT they are. Are they “worm” of “hammer”. Everyone just wants to find their worm gf XD lolololol
I have never physically hurt another person in my life except in immediate self defense or to counter a perceived imminent threat. Aside from like, little street scuffles at house parties when I got too drunk and wanted to pick a fight.
I can say that openly, honestly, and with the complete confidence that this is an anonymous forum and we already agreed that I have no reason to be anything but completely honest. As long as I’m on this forum, I will only ever give you my version of the truth
xoxo Alice
So it`s a question about whose the worm and whose the hammer.
your brain as wired backwards, so your quite the opposite?
i won`t say anything about that.