Hi all! I’ll just get the messy stuff out of the way first.
I’m a psychopath. Like, for real. I know that’s a common claim on the internet, but I swear it’s true.
I noticed that one of the forum rules is not to post about illegal behavior, so I won’t. But yes, I have and do commit crimes. Luckily, I’m smart/manipulative enough not to have ever been caught/face consequences.
My official diagnoses are Oppositional Defiant Disorder (from when I was a kid) and Borderline Personality Disorder, but I was told by my psychiatrist that BPD is often considered to be the female version of antisocial personality disorder.
I’ve never formally submitted to the PCL-R (because that would necessitate me giving myself up and like, I’m not stupid?) But anytime I’ve scored myself I get ~30 of a possible 40, when the cut-off for clinical psychopathy in women is 25.
So why am I here and not the edgiest part of Reddit? I had a drug induced psychotic break in 2018, and honestly I’ve just been creeping on the forum for a long time and you all seem like really good people so I thought I would make an account and try to get some support.
I will make an effort to always be honest with you, even though that’s not really in my nature, because this thing is anonymous and like what’s the point of joining something like this just to lie my ass off? I do that enough irl lol
Anyways, it’s nice to finally meet you all, and thanks for reading!
And I also show signs of sociopathy. It’s a blessing and a curse. I’ve never had a diagnosis or treatment for it because I don’t reveal it to my therapist.
I tried twelve step for alcohol. My problem is that I’m an impulsive sensation seeker, so even when I know intellectually that I shouldn’t, I do anyways.
At the time, I was popping Adderall like candy (recovery oriented context, I haven’t touched the stuff since my hospitalization)
That’s fair, honestly. That’s one of the reasons I hesitated to make an account for so long. But I’m tired from keeping this part of my life secret for so long
I eventually wound up sharing this. The more info the therapist has, the better they can help. In my case, I’m aware of right and wrong, but don’t “feel” it when with complete strangers. I’ll follow the ethical course of action because I know that my life will be less complicated and more enjoyable than if I don’t. Being selfish is sometimes okay if you can redirect it into correct actions elsewhere.
And don’t pay attention to the “she’ll be the one to take care of you” stuff.
I’m one here with @Bowens the most, so we are the most visible mods at this time. We have to enforce the rules and I personally don’t take crap and point out bad behavior. So a lot do not like me.
Thank you! This is exactly why I made this account!
I’m legitimately concerned that if I disclose to my psychiatrist, that it will open me up to criminal liability. What positives did you find came from opening up?
I feel really similar! I understand that there is something “wrong” with me, but I do my best to try to fit in. For me, though, the lack of feeling extends from strangers to those close to me.
Yes. They put me on low dose Seroquel to even things out and that helped. Then they added an adjunct antidepressant.
Prognosis is good, they put me through a DBT course and that helped with some of my issues with controlling anger and splitting.
I’m empty most of the time, but every once in a while I’ll slip into explosive, disproportionate rage. Not so much anymore. I imagine myself on a beach, waves crashing over me, tide carrying away my emotions.
