- hearing voices
- implanted voices / implanted thoughts
- telepathy (people know what youre thinking)
- strange belief that people arent real human beings with a soul
- belief that everything is controlled by an entity
- delusions of reality (believing in magic, such as things popping in existence out of nowhere)
- feeling of not deserving a good time, that i must suffer because i cant improve, because i have no motivation, because motivation comes from god, which in turn are the voices who want to keep you in misery
- delusions that something great will happen any moment even though one knows its nonsense.
- depression due to not doing what i should be doing, due to lack of a âfree voiceless mindâ it cant be done though
- knowledge that the things ive âlearned during schizophreniaâ cant be forgotten and that i am stuck with this knowledge of some weird god controlling the universe until my death.
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- voices
- paranoid thoughts: nobody likes me, What-if thoughts and catastrophic thoughts
- delusions: i can predict the future, people conspire against me, mindreading
- hard to sleep
- unfocused
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- Anhedonia (no love, no joy) and depression.
- Chaos. Iâm more disorganized, incoherent and dissociated.
- OCD.
- Vulnerability to stress and emotions of self and others.
- Ups and downs in delusions. Mainly the idea that I have sinned really badly, and because of sin became ill, and because of sin and medication lost my soul and will go to hell. The anhedonia feeds this thought, because I have always interpretted a feeling of love and joy as a connection to God/my soul. Delusions are momentarily not so bad that I canât live with them. I try to ignore them.
Currenty only on babydose haldol (0.75mg).
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I appreciate being able to talk about my symptoms, thanks for asking. It helps to see that other people have the same kinds of symptoms. I used to think that I was the only one who had these kinds of delusional symptoms - which made me believe they were real.
- My thoughts are broadcast, anybody can hear my thoughts wherever I go.
- Since my thoughts are broadcast, Iâm some sort of a âspecialâ person.
- Since Iâm some sort of a special person, people keep track of everything I think, feel, and do.
- People pretend to be normal but their secretly monitoring me.
- When theyâre done with this phase of their project, I will be set free from this false reality.
- I donât know when they will be finished âworkingâ with me, it wonât be very soon.
- Part of the work they do is to harass me, to test and build my patience.
- The main way they harass me is to cough, sometimes very harshly. Very mean spirited.
- The less perfect I am, the more they will harass me. Although, they will harass me regardless of how well Iâm doing.
- The aim of their project is to help teach the human race about patience, acceptance, managing negativity, and all that.
- I have to be the perfect role model or I will be harassed more harshly.
- Some trouble sleeping, I take melatonin and that helps.
- Now that I write all this out, I see how absurd it is. Yet, it can seem so very real to me.
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° voices telling me secrets.
° visions from oden
° i am a direct decendant of oden the all father
° everyone wants to harm me to different degrees
° an entity has implanted random memories from past lives that appear randomly.
° the watchers haunt my dreams
° sleep agrophobia waking up paralysed with an entity in the room whos mere presence causes dread.
° depression and a feeling of being useless
° a belief in magics even though there is a lack of evidence.
° the feeling of being haunted.
° lack of motivation.
° the reptilians are poisoning our air and drinking water.
° i cant sleep.
° i dont eat much.
I find myself down playing my symptoms to my doctors or just not vocalizing them at all. It has to be a defense and trust issue. maybe writing them down and giving it to them is the best way to get them the information they need to treat me.
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Paranoia
Insomnia
depression
aggression
frustration (mental and sexual sexual because I dont feel the urge for it despite wanting it, its complicated)
Voices
Visions
odd dreams
Night Terrors
Knowledge Implants (doc says it is a result of sleeping with the tv running, but I donât have a tv in my bedroom and I only sleep like 20 minutes at a time)
Talk to my dogs and they talk backâŚ
And my personal favorite, bouts of sensory black outs, I lose my hearing and can only hear a buzzing sound, I lose my senses of taste and smell, my body becomes numb, and my vision becomes gray, as if all color has left the worldâŚthis happens like 2 times a year or so.
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OhâŚbrrâŚI forgot those. I sleep at weird times and have night terrors and strangely symbolic vivid dreams as well. I hate them because they reflect my deepest fears and in bad periods I tend to believe they are signs that my delusions are real. âYou see, even in my dreams God tells me that I will go to hellâ. Scary. Last weeks I also have neutral or somewhat more relaxed dreams thoughâŚalthough still strangely vivid.
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My companion/angel is always with me. I can hear, see and feel him on my right side just behind, at my right shoulder. I see dark creatures crawling on the walls and less often on the ground around me. I see bugs, and sometimes I see and feel them on me. When Iâm walking I often see Angels near me, sometimes they look like theyâre dancing. Those are silent. Stationary things look like theyâre vibrating or have short jerky movements, or sometimes little things will appear to start wigglingâŚbut theyâre not. Sometimes light is unbearably bright at normal levels, and colors hurt my eyes sometimes theyâre so intense. I also see the light spectrum when things are so brightâŚI have suicidal ideation brought on by Seraton, my angelâŚHeâs my protector, but sometimes he tells me to cut myself up. I still hit myself periodically usually when I argue with Seraton. I donât trust anyone. I often think my husbandâs cheating on me. I donât believe anyone loves me, and coworkers donât like me and say mean things behind my back. I think other people with sz can probably hear my voices, even though I canât hear theirs. I think therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. know whatâs wrong with me before I even tell them anything. They can see it in my eyes. I think most people see me as an outcast/alien and are afraid of me. I think my family knows the truth about me and my childhood and are hiding it from me. (Even though Iâm the one who hid/hides things from them about myself) I feel trapped in this body that is not my real body. Iâm dragging it around until the day Iâm freed from it. I believe I am called by God to do more for Him, but that Iâm holding back because of how intense the demon attacks become when I go to church moreâŚI have never slept well, and have periods of time when I canât sleep at all. Anything else? YeahâŚ
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paranoia
auditory hallucinations
visual hallucinations
tactile hallucinations
delusions of persecution
depression
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At the moment:
Lack of motivation
Anxiety
Deadness/numbness, bouts of staring into space
The voices, urges to cut, agitation and thought insertion are pretty much under control and gone with the help of my meds. I donât get those much anymore.
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I donât have any positive symptoms (hallucinations, delusions, disorganised thought etc) - these are kept at bay with medication.
I only have negative symptoms, which have been stable for the past 18 months:
- anhedonia (lack of pleasure)
- flat affect (lack of emotions)
- avolition (lack of willpower)
- poverty of thought/speech (the inner voice is very faint, almost quiet)
- decreased/almost non-existent libido
I am simply not functional anymoreâŚ
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nut.
take care 
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