Yes, the voices try to make me as miserable as possible concerning sex.
I at the age of 56 have not had the luxury of experiencing sex. I have been preoccupied.
Lets see now,…at the age of ten I ended up in a go-cart accident that cause my head to hit the road on the right side of my head. This caused the brain to do a whiplash which led to hemorrhaging on the left side. Off to the hospital I was taken. They ended up having to perform brain surgery to stop the bleeding. This in turn left me with a plate in the left side of my skull.
After this I dropped from the 2nd or 3rd in the class to the bottom of the class and then failed a grade. It also shifted me from being the fastest runner in the school to the slowest runner in the school. Everything became soooooo hard to do. It was Hell. I even thought that I had ended up in hell for a while there.
On top of that I had constant head aches that no medication could stop. These head aches continued to reoccur for 14 years. Even when the last few head aches occurred I was saying to myself that I just can’t take anymore. I only just barely held on.
Then I developed a sensitivity to the mercury that was present with my tooth amalgam fillings. This cause a collapse of my immune system. this then led to candida yeast infection both internally and externally. Candida was also growing within my sinus cavities. During a nights sleep, it grew like wildfire, By morning the pressure in my sinus cavities was so extreme that any air within my sinus cavities was now being forced out at the corner of my eyes, thus you would see bubbles of air coming out at the corner of my eyes.
The other candida side effect was extreme weakens in the morning. At this time my hands were so weak that it became very difficult at times to open the bathroom door. On top of that it became impossible at times to squeeze the tooth paste out of the tube in the normal manner. I had to resort to new methods. And when shampooing my hair I could only use my hands for a brief moment, drop them to my side and wait for the pain to go away, then repeat a few more massages of the scalp, then wait again and so forth.
Then off to work I would go but my back muscles had become so weak that I could not sit in the buss in the normal manner. I had to place my hands on my knees and push to take the weight off my back muscles. If there were no seats available and thus I had to stand, I had to constantly change my standing position such that I could use different muscles and thus take the pain away from the muscle use previously and try to make it look as though I am not doing a bloody dance.
Next the plate was shaped for the head of a ten year old, thus when I got older, and my head was bigger, pressure was now being applied to the plate. Then the plate broke and one of the wires that was holding it in place was no longer functional. At that time I would rather be dead than go through another head surgery, so I held on. But the wire that was now loose was applying pressure upon a nerve so the only way I could relieve the pain was to push the plate inward. But I realized that this could not go on forever. I needed to let calcium build up and grow to hold the plate in place. So I stop pushing the plate in hope that eventually the wire pressure on the nerve would eventually kill the nerve, along with the calcium build up occurring. This took years to accomplish. I even had to learn to never sleep with the left side of my head lying on the pillow. Bloody Hell it was.
Next the weakening of my body in general due to the amalgam fillings led to hypoglycemia. This lowering of the glucose levels then led to a slowly developing dementia. I was fading away into no where and no when. Eventually I no longer knew how to spell my brothers name nor did I know which was my left hand or my right hand, and I no longer knew which hand held the fork and which hand held the knife. It was pure hell. At that time i could no longer tell if the water in the shower was too hot or too cold, I could only know that it was at one of the two extremes. Physical awareness had also faded away, thus when in bed at night in the dark I could no longer tell if I was lying on by back or on my side. I could only be aware of my body if I focused upon a specific part of my body, thus I had no awareness of my body but if I focused upon my nose suddenly the awareness of my nose would appear. More bloody hell.
At that time I was taking 5 mycostatin pills a day to fight off the candida yeast infection. But by then if you placed a mere 4 pills in my hand I could not tell you how many pills were in my hand. If you placed 3 within my hand, via a kind of feeling It seemed to be three. Also my short term memory had faded to close to nothing, thus to count 5 pills I would have to pour the pills on a table and slide one at a time to a distant position until I reached the count of 5. Then I only had a vague awareness of what I had just done thus to verify my actions I would remove the other pills from the table and then repeat the process of sliding the pills across the table one at a time. I then would realize that there are no leftovers thus I must have done it right. More Bloody Hell.
If I tried to cheer myself up by watching TV and eating some snack of some kind, it could take up to a half an hour before I realized that the hand that was holding the snacks was still being held out in front of me despite it being empty. MORE BLOODY HELL.
Eventually I could no longer read sentences without having to read them over and over and over again to grasp there meaning. Later on I could no longer recognize all words as words. I now had to read them letter by letter to see the word.
Also, due to having no short term memory, if I was to cross a road and I looked in one direction to see if the road was clear, as soon as I looked in the opposite direction to see if traffic in the other direction was clear, I could no longer recall what I had seen in the other direction to begin with. MORE BLOODY HELL.
If I entered a room that has two doors that are used for both entry and exists, I could not tell if I had used both doors or had used the same door that I had used to enter the room. NO SHORT TERM MEMORY.
My eyes no longer focused automatically. I had to learn how to focus them manually.
It took 8 years for me to relearn so much after all this including relearning how to write, to be able to smell and taste again, to feel my skin again, and so forth.
But the recovery was not complete so the doctors recommended that I take a dopamine enhancer to boost the brain performance. But this trigger the famous Schizophrenia. But the doc said if i get off the meds I would be as good as new within 2 weeks. It’s been 17 years and I am still waiting.
This doctor then said that he can’t see me anymore because he was now focusing upon just the elderly. That’s right, he dumped me. Then when I tried to find other Psychiatrists they would eventually track back to Mr. dumper and then tell me to get lost. This meant that there was a chance that I could have sued my doctor and thus other doctors then refused to say that I was suffering from Schizophrenia at all, since that would have confirmed the situation.
Thus I was on my own from then onward.
This is just a portion of what I have been through. Yep…there is much more…
…constantly reoccurring pink eye, scleroderma ( thickening of the skin ), morphea ( a rare for of
scleroderma ) shingles… and on and on.