Possibly still depressed?

Well, I’ve been dealing with things relatively well.
I just finished a job interview on Skype. If I land it I’m moving to LA this year.

If not I’ll still go and look around to find work and visit uni campuses.

What could possibly be wrong then lolol

well ive had severe depression and schizophrenia diagnosed to me about 10 years ago.
i would be coping with it but coming home and collapsing on my bed from being in my head too much or feeling too nervous in public.

3 years ago I quit meds and got the docs approval to monitor my own withdrawal symptoms and come back to him if i truly feel i need to regain balance.

Now I feel less weight off my shoulders but when i am depressed
It hurts even more. Its hard to explain. the emotional phases i get into are quicker and less frequent. its harder to cry, but when i do cry its overwhelming and probably more tears are produced during these sessions than any other years before. i can truly feel my emotions too.

i get help when i really need it but if i get it i get less attached to the idea of me having problems.

my brain feels weird cuz now its pretty stable yet the stress that ive put on it throughout the years has caused it to almost feel like a bruise inside my head. like i know my brain to be a depressed brain yet now its doing just fine. sometimes i feel like my brain is stiff. like it has more space and the ability to worry less yet it feels like its recovering from being tense.

idk theres no happy medium. haha


its ok to cry even for guys. it releases tension and so much all keyed up from struggling. and then you try again. its not bad, its helpful. a job might get your mind off yourself. you sound pretty smart with a lot of potential. the structure of a job is good too.

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I have apathy, anhedonia and asociality from sz negative symptoms. I can’t cry or smile, I forgot how they felt before my sz.

I haven’t cried or really smiled since I got sz 10 years ago.

Yeaa it really comes with negative effects. Often Dead expressions equal better mental health than usual lol

thanks for sharing
Let’s hang in there :+1:

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Exactly what I needed to hear.

It’s hard to adknowledge emotions a lot of the time.

That balance not trying to act hella masculine cuz ppl will think u overcompensate lol
But also trying to look out for yourself
It’s kinda hard :sweat_smile:

Lol my face is frozen usually when reacting to something regardless of how I’m actually feeling.

crying is ok. even once or twice a year for 50 years or more. and i’m acknowledging the tragedy of my life. but i don’t think men have two many emotions but can have gentleness and goodness and understanding for their wives. gentleness is manly and sensitivity.
but you know anybody can crack a smile- almost literally even if you don’t feel it. just flex those muscles in your face. try it make a habit of it and laugh, its healthy.

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