I feel such a fraud, this made even more so because I’m claiming a lot of social security benefits when I don’t think I have SZA or any mental health disorder.
I had 13 involuntary hospitalisations in 11 years. Declared SZA. Had 5 different pdocs and they all say the same thing, SZA. I live in a group home. My community nurses says there is no way I could of faked it all that time and he’s seen me unwell and reaffirms that I can’t fake that level of disability.
I dunno, that seems to be pretty common among our community. People thinking that they are faking it when they clearly are not. I honestly don’t know why.
@bobbilly , It’s very usual to feel like a phoney with sz/sza. That’s because we are paranoid and we suspect that our pdocs and nurses and therapists, etc…all think we are fakes. We are in essence, reading their minds and we don’t realize that we can’t read other people’s minds.
This is called telepathy or thought insertion and it is a symptom of sz/sza.
Why is this so common? We’re one of the most crippled groups in society (at least most of us are). I don’t hesitate to admit to anyone who asks that I deserve my benefits and don’t ever fear losing them.
I really don’t think we’d be hospitalized that much if we were faking it.
@bobbilly , Let’s just end this communal thought, that we are all faking it, right now:
WE ARE NOT FAKING IT!!!
When all the positive, negative, cognitive, and mood symptoms finally fade and disappear, for the most part, it will become glaringly obvious to you that you were not faking it and that you were really suffering.
I kinda feel like that too but i do ok on this med that i take, i tried stopping it thinking my brain could have healed itself but it didn’t work out that good and i was unwell again,
I keep thinking i can still do it, i keep thinking my brain can still heal itself with the power of God bc most of the time i am ok and its a low dose,
‘Faking it’ suggests a deliberate act. I don’t think anyone here,including you, does that. Many of us do though go through periods wondering whether we’ve been misdiagnosed/thinking we don’t deserve the help/that we are weak characters who should just pull ourselves together . However You don’t remain, in your case, as a psychiatric patient for at least 11 years if nothing untoward mental health wise has been going on.
"I had 13 involuntary hospitalisations in 11 years"
You aren’t faking your mental illness. It’s just that sometimes when the meds make you feel better, you start to question whether or not you are truly ill.
It’s why so many of us go off of our meds…because we think we have the affliction beat…only to crash again and return to psychosis.
Oh man, I’ve gone down that path of thought before. I had to fight the thoughts that I was a horrible person making it all up and I couldn’t stop. Voices would tell me I wasn’t sick. Would tell me I’m faking it.