It’s hard to describe but sometimes I feel like I’m faking SZ. Like I only make myself hear and see things because I think it would get me attention or something. I know that’s not the case but I feel like such a fraud. Especially since my meds have begun working pretty well for me. Sometimes I feel like stopping my meds to see if I really am faking. I won’t but this feeling has been plaguing me for months and I’m just recognizing it. It doesn’t even make sense because I hate attention on me and I hate my symptoms but alas I still feel like this.
Anyone else ever feel like this? How do I stop?
Just to be clear, I know I’m SZ and I have no plans to stop taking my meds.
Youd know if you were faking it. There wouldnt be a doubt in your mind. And besides, ive read sometimes people “fake” psychosis in the beginning stages of sz.
I know im not faking it when paranoia strikes and i stay up all night looking out the window waiting for the cops to show up. And by my lack of interests in things. And lack of emotion. And all the other negative symptoms of schizophrenia
Sometimes I am doubtful but other times I am so convinced that I’m faking. You’re right though. I suppose if I were faking I would know all the time that I was.
I’ve been diagnosed for 7 years now so I think I’m no longer in the early stages. But I dunno I’ve always felt this way. Even about unrelated things. Like sometimes I feel like a fake artist or a fake fan of my favorite music artist or like a fake trans person.
Paranoia is usually what sets me straight too. When I won’t go into the hallway because the neighbors are in the hall or when I’m absolutely convinced that cop is going to pull me over. Or when I become convinced that I can’t go outside til the mailman leaves. That’s when I feel like I’m not faking.
I quite often think that I’m just socially dysfunctional, rather than genuinely mentally ill. I can reality test enough to stay on meds, but it’s very persistent.
It’s really common to feel this way. Especially during the times we feel better. It’s a trap! Because this is when we can feel like stopping treatment. Don’t fall for it.
People often think they are “faking it” - cos frankly they don’t want to admit they have lost control of their mind. It’s a coping mechanism. But put it this way, are you really that clever to con the consultant Psychiatrist that diagnosed you that you were making it up? I think not.
The definition of psychosis is an alternative reality noone else experiences hence its called delusionary thought etc. I dont get the question. Youve contradicted yourself and psychosis is horror. Hence why meds seem to be necessary. But there are other coping strategies. For some people. I still think meds are highly toxic though which is criminal in my opinion first do no harm is the oath and declaration of the Law.
That’s a good way to put it. I think sometimes I’ve conned myself into believing I’m SZ instead of actually being SZ. I guess I always thought I knew what it would feel like to be SZ, but the way I feel right now is not what I thought SZ would feel like. You’re right though, no way in hell I am smarter than pdoc. She is so well educated, smart and perceptive. I’m very lucky to have her.
I’m aware of my contradictions. The contradiction is why I’m so uncomfortable. I know I’m SZ but I don’t feel it. I know I should take my meds but I feel like I should stop just to see. That’s why I stick to what I know and not what I feel. Meds are totally necessary for me. That’s why I will always take them:)
As much as I love interesting stuff like this, bad toxicology reports due to meds sound like a recipe for me not taking my own meds. I will have to save reading up on this for when I am further into recovery.