Schizophrenia.com

Please help, feel so lost.

About a decade ago I had a complete mental breakdown, after being under lots of stress. One day it was like a bomb went off in my brain…I was functioning one day and a month later, I could not function. My brain was constantly going, had bizarre thoughts constantly, thoughts of hurting people, lost all feelings for my family, could not enjoy anything because my mind was never quiet. Nothing seemed real, everything seemed completely surreal. I tried to get help in the ER, but they always just said I had anxiety or depression. It was like being in a living nightmare. I was 29 at the time. I was never able to get proper help, because the anxiety medication they gave me did absolutely nothing. I slowly recovered on my own. Fast forward to now, basically the same thing has happened, been under severe stress and one day it felt like a switch went off in my head and I don’t know what to do. I don’t have thoughts of hurting anyone, but my mind is chaos, my anxiety/agitation is non-stop, I have totally stopped functioning, I’m scared to shower, everything seems surreal and too bright, too loud. I have lost all feelings of love and warmth, instead they’ve been replaced with agitation. Everything seems surreal and like my life was a dream. I feel terrified all the time and I don’t know why. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Can you have two psychotic breaks with a lengthy period in between? Thanks for listening

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Have you by chance ever been evaluated for sensory processing issues?

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Yes you can. Before I was diagnosed I had psychotic symptoms but they fluctuated with time appearing for a year or two then disappearing. Drs said its stress and nothing to worry about until I tried to kill myself for the 2nd time to stop the command voices. Then they said I have psychosis nos which later changed to sz as I relapsed after stopping meds.

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Now on meds I feel better than during the 2-3yrs before my diagnosis.

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No, I haven’t. The issues only occur during the two episodes I’ve had

Sounds more like prodromal symptoms than an actual psychotic episode. Do you have a psychiatrist?

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Yes, I told her I feel like I might be having some sort of psychotic break and she said “Don’t worry, you’re not crazy, you just have some anxiety”

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Did you explain what the symptoms you were having? Did you tell her what you told us?

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Yes thats what I was thinking about and what I had before my diagnosis. Sadly here we can’t see a psychiatrist without a referral from a gp so all 3 gp I have seen said its stress and one thought I had psychological problems not psychiatric so he sent me to a psychologist.

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Not as in depth, it was a telehealth call and she was pretty rushed

Do you have any of the symptoms?

Delusions. False beliefs. Believing things that are not real. Hallucinations. Hearing seeing things that don’t exist. Negative symptoms. Lack of energy, withdrawal.

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Make another appointment and tell her exact what it feels like. If you just tell her you think you’re having a psychotic break but you’re holding a conversation with her I’m in her side. I would assume anxiety as well. You need to explain how you feel.

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I had an episode over the winter. Which ended up in a meltdown when I tried to start a pretty intellectually demanding job when my episode was just ending.
Still not feeling great but somewhat recovered from it after 6-7weeks. Now I’m working a simpler job.

Things can get better so just keep your head up and move forward

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My family has noticed a difference, when it first happened I couldn’t stop pacing, I just kept pacing and wasn’t speaking. My daughter burst into tears saying it seems like I’ve gone insane. My personality is gone and I just stare into space not speaking. I feel agitated and terrified all the time and things disturb me and make me feel scared for no apparent reason. My mind won’t stop

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Can you explain why you are scared to shower? I use to be scared to shower because I thought the water was toxic when I was psychotic.

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I just feel like there’s a strange presence that makes me feel very anxious and terrified in the shower. I really don’t know how to explain it

Ok. just trying to determine if there is any delusional thinking on your part…to see if it’s psychosis. It’s hard to be sure based on your response.

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Thank you for trying to help. I think another reason I avoid showering is I have very bad thoughts about myself, that repeat over and over and they get louder in the shower where I have nothing to distract myself with

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My psychotic symptoms are similar. I think you have prepsychosis symptoms better tell a psychiatrist asap

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Thank you for that. May I ask what happened to you after the prepsychosis, and it continued?