okay so i have noticed that i dont make any friends and havent made any for 25 years. i was shunned even when i was like 5-10 years old even though i never was a nerd or anything. i was always shunned throughout the life and the few friendly encounters i have had have only led to emberassing situation where one hasnt benefited at all but instead had achieved the opposite of what was supposed to be achieved - a very negative and depressing experience. the only thing i thought i had - my physical and mental fitness - were both proven wrong by becoming psychotic and gaining tons of weigth from illness. i am really tired of having to suck up to this ■■■■■■ up life where you cant be yourself and are punished and ridiculed or ignored throughout your entire life - and the only thing you thought you had is also being taken away from you.
even on the ■■■■■■■ internet i am banned left and right and people dont give a flying ■■■■ of what i am saying.
should i kill my former self and totally become a new person or something? how do people like ME more? how do i become sane again?
the voices nag me to death with empty promises that everything will be better in the future but they were all wrong from the stuff that i have experienced. all their promises have been null and void to this day. and the ■■■■■■■ promises they make are not that of a big deal anyway. any peasant would have those promises fullfilled while i dont. i am sick and tired of this life of pointless exclusion, failure and loss. i dont even blame people for doing those because it can be fun to exclude people. i am just sick and tired of being excluded out of life since i was born. to be stuck here in my ■■■■■■■ 4 wands prison cell called “home” and knowing that if i go out i will only experience ■■■■■■■ rejection after rejection and ridicule. this life is a ■■■■■■■ hell and i am tired of it. i dont even know what to do anymore. all the things i valued in people and the religious things i put much faith in were destroyed by the schizophrenia and replaced with a cancerous worldview of the most annoying and unimaginative garbage one could come up with. i hate to see people having success, like my relatives, or people you meet on the internet WHO DONT ■■■■■■■ DESERVE THAT ■■■■. WHAT THE ■■■■ IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT THESE IDIOTS AND THAT MAKES ME LESS OF A PERSON TO HOLD THEIR POSITION AND STATUS IN SOCIETY? probably will get banned for this post also. goodbye shitty world.