What kind of a person they should be? Is the person I’m looking for more likely to be someone who has schizophrenia or another mental illness? What would it be like, to have a significant other like me (gradual onset at an early age and predominance of negative symptoms)? How to make sure my potential soulmate is not abusive? When I was trying to find someone, people were taking advantage of me. They were showing me how much of a burden I am. They were telling me that I don’t deserve being treated with respect. They were shaming me about having no job. I still feel like I am lazy and boring due to avolition and apathy. I’m really intelligent, kind, honest, and sensitive. These are the only good things that I know about myself (actually, I don’t even think these traits are good for me, because they make me feel even more insecure). Also, I am considered beautiful by feminine beauty standards (isn’t it supposed to heavily affect my life and relationships in a good way? Why am I socially isolated, then?). Plus, I’m from Europe, so I speak two languages (my greatest accomplishment, yeah). But I still have no idea why someone non-abusive would be interested in me. I’m in my twenties now, but I feel like I’m more of a child now than when I actually was a child. I feel like I am the most vulnerable person in the world. My social skills are so poor, more like non-existent. I seldom talk to people, either online or offline. When I say something, I feel like I sound really weird. People can see there’s something wrong with me. I am trying to get help but I never make it till the end. I really need love and support. I don’t want to be so isolated. It scares me. Is it better to tell people I have schizophrenia right away? What do I tell them at all? I need some advice, I guess. I feel like I can sustain no relationship. I don’t like talking to people because it’s extremely hard for me, but I know it’s nessesary in order to lessen the suffering. I’m sure there’s something obvious that I still can’t figure out, tell me what exactly it is and how I can adapt, please. No one gives a damn about my life, and neither do I. But I don’t want to be like this. I feel like I can’t change anything by myself. I try to convince myself that I deserve help, but how am I supposed to find someone who would be interested in helping me? I feel like I don’t understand anything I’m saying. I’m in despair. I can’t handle what’s going on with me. How do I escape from myself? I don’t know why I’m posting this at all. Is it a cry for help or what? Can anybody explain what I am doing and why? How do I explain it to myself? What is it called? Is there an article that explains it all? I just can’t be the only one who experiences these terrible feelings or thoughts or whatever it’s called. I read the whole thing over and over again, and I don’t understand what I’m trying to say. I just don’t get the point. It feels so unnatural to share my stupid thoughts. Stupid and pointless. Just like any other thing I say or do. But still, I feel like I should post it. That’s why I started to write this, after all.
Sometimes, venting is relieving.
It sounds to me like you’re lonely. I can’t tell if you’re lonely for romantic or friendly relationships, but you do describe troubles connecting with people. Perhaps start with making friends? Some of the best romantic relationships evolve from friendships. And friends will always have your back, at least if you find the right ones.
Do you have options for therapy? Perhaps some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help you feel more comfortable talking to people? It can be hard to make connections if you barely talk.
I do hope things work out for you hugs
You see that glitch?
Edited: o no… Im not picking on you, not at all. I just like to be a smart ass lol
I do see it, but making friends both gives and requires practice. Practice which will make it easier to make connections in the future.
I firmly believe if someone can’t substain friendly relationship, they’ll have even greater trouble finding real romance.
So if a person is lonely, friendships should come first.
Hi.
First of all, let me congratulate you for the courage to come out of the closet and vent here. Even though you did it anonymously (nobody knows your real identity), it still takes courage.
Second, I notice a lot of self deprecating language in your speech. Your first and most important friend should be yourself. Once you feel somewhat confident, your chances of attracting good people increase quite a bit.
Third, I went through a negative symptoms hell too. It lasted 3 years. I overcame it with med adjustment, CBT and perhaps some help from the man above. I think you should try every trick in the book, from diet to exercise to music therapy to religion etc., in order to improve your apathy and avolition.
Fourth, you seem to speak English like a native. Is it your second language ?! Wow…
Fifth and last, I am a sucker for pretty ladies in distress. I don’t need a photo of you, I already picture you to be extremely beautiful. I could be your virtual friend if you feel that such a feeble connection might help you somehow.
Until I started coming on here, I just thought no one will ever date me because I have sz, but I was surprised at the amount of people that are here that are married etc. It is harder to engage with relationships though, I am 30 years old now and I’m still a virgin. But I suppose some people just get lucky to know the right people.
paragraphs are our friends.
Just go on attraction, and what you offer, maybe a cozy place, use food.
Then on the 3rd day, if they’re still around, sit down and tell them face to face about sz.
just to reiterate: When your’e diagnosed, gotta do it, you got a good man like Phil comes into your life, no lame ass online trash bulls-hit, just sit down, and face to face tell him. It didn’t scare him away.
I’ll quote Chris Rock here.
“I’d always end up broken down on the highway. When I stood there trying to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But when I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself – people like to see that.”
— Chris Rock
You need to be the person helping you most. You need to be your biggest cheerleader, coach and a quarterback. Because you are also your biggest enemy. A few snippets of advice here or there, a helping hand from another person once in a while, that’s all.
In the end, if I look back at my life and I’m honest, it was me who sabotaged my success the most. What other people did was peanuts compared to how I screwed myself over. And I mean it both on micro and macro level. Not only the big descisions but also every day I chose not to take action, I didn’t approach that girl I wanted, I didn’t practice enough.
It should be a libertarian thing to realize, because it means you have control. You cant control what happens to you but you can control your reaction to it. Also, theres a real anti mastery mindset in our culture. Instant this and that. Don’t fall into that trap, litte bit of improvement daily. Maybe keep a diary(thats what I do) because it’s really hard to asses how far youve come in a few years and get lost in your current problems. Success is a slow process of doing something over and over again.
Good luck.
You sound so sweet, and I feel your pain.
I wish I had miraculous powers and could help you, but I too fell helpless.
I think I can speak for many and say that we all care about you. THAT IS A STRONG CONNECTION.
I’d be careful, because it looks to me like you might be headed for a co-dependent relationship. You seem to be looking for a relationship to fix you. You might wind up with some overbearing lout who expects you to do everything for him. There are a lot of people out there who are so much worse than nothing. Maybe you could work on your social skills. Have you thought about church? Maybe you could meet somebody by campaigning for politicians. That can be a pretty strong bond. I used to long for a relationship myself. I was in a four year relationship that I found excruciatingly boring. To this day I don’t know why I stayed with her as long as I did. But I remember one time we were in a bookstore, and this woman was showing me pictures from “The Joy of Sex”, and I realized that if I had been observing us from the outside, I’d be thinking what a lucky guy I was for having this girl. In AA they call that “judging your insides by other people’s outsides”. I think the problem was with me, and not her. She talked a lot about things I wasn’t interested in. She didn’t challenge me intellectually. She was very nice looking, though, and she was a good person. I’m going to turn 60 this Jan. 1st, and right now I don’t see me finishing my life in a relationship. I’ve gotten so used to being alone that I prefer that. I used to wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with some of the young women I saw. I could imagine being married and divorced with a woman just by looking at her in passing. I guess you could say I had unrealistic expectations.
There are usually mental health support clubs that allow you to hang around with people who are fairly open to friendships. That is a good training ground to practice your wit before moving on to normie gathering places.
oh man that’s like something I would hear in my own head, kinda neurotic aren’t we?
Maybe hang out with some people with similar characteristics as you - more inner gifts than outer.
I found my husband through a single site that is for Christians. I wanted someone who didn’t have an illness and would be supportive and stable. I didn’t tell him that I had an illness until after a couple months and he knew me better. I was so scared that he would leave me, but he didn’t. We have been married 10 year and have five kids. There are people out there who are very supportive, you just have to look a while and be willing to wait. I hope you find someone special who loves you for who you are and is supportive and understanding. It’s hard to find those people.
I would start by becoming mentally stable so that you can function in society. Then get involved in groups that you have interests. Then you will meet others with similar interests. You might find someone special who catches your interest. Don’t let your illness define who you are. You are a person, beautiful inside and out. Feel good about who you are!
You are brilliant and insightful! You do not sound weird. You sound clear and understandable. Your post is a cry for help. And that is great because we are here to help you.
Are you social? Do you have ways of meeting people? Have you joined online friendship or relationships sites?
I am married, and we have two kids. My husband does not have mental illness. We met at a football party hosted by people from my church. I told him about my health history a few weeks in.
Thank you all for your replies. I’m not used to being online much. I’m always expecting something bad.
I’m lonely for a close relationship. I don’t really see the difference between friendly and romantic relationships.
I don’t have options for therapy.
Hugs
Hi.
I like the idea of being virtual friends. I just don’t know what to talk about.