Recently i considered the idea that volunteering or making more friends may improve my schizophrenia.
I was going over this idea with my mom when my roommate overheard. She always treats info about my desires, recovery potential, fears as levers to use against me. I looked up s bunch of charity sites and on front of them she maluciously filled my desk with photos of a person from the past i didnt like, with her newest fashion and makeup look.
After that i felt like crying. I wanted to give something to the community and enjoy my recovery and this roommate was trying to ■■■■ on whatever beautiful and altruistic emotions i was trying to have. Then i grew paranoid she might interfere with future friendships by turning them against me or send people to stalk me to poison my sense of giving into insecurity and competition.
It made me feel so bad about the future thinking she was trying to sabotage my trying to be a better person. How do i shake off this fear?