I’m sorry I keep rambling. It’s clear it’s not something people want to hear. I just need to get it out of my system.
Just this post and I promise I’ll keep quiet about it.
I just really feel like shite. I tried to clean the marquees, but whenever I went near the edge of the balcony I felt an urge to jump.
On top of that, I have a runny nose, stuffed head, and a fever. I feel fatigued.
I also have nausea, but I’m pretty sure it’s psychosomatic because I don’t feel I deserve the food I consumed.
I really need some sort of help. I sent my roommate some messages telling him how I feel but they came from a bad headspace and I don’t know if he’ll yell at me, make me take prn, or try to convince me to go to a hospital at this point.
I feel like I need punishment for being a shitty friend, sibling, roommate, person.
And at this point, I’m starting to have weird thoughts like “would anyone even miss me if I just disappeared?”
Maybe it’s best if the mods silenced me for a day so I can’t post anymore stupid shite and bother everyone.
You aren’t a burden. You are a wonderful human being. You have strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else and today is a bad day. I would miss you if you were gone. I would be upset if the world was a place without you. You matter to me. You shouldn’t feel as though you post too much. I love hearing about what’s going on with you and your journey and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Please keep the lines of communication open especially on the days when your feeling bad so you have an ear. I love you.
Hey, we’re not just fair weather friends here. I get to feeling worthless, too, but the feeling goes away and I cheer up. Sometimes life punches you in the stomach but as long as we’re alive, we can heal.
Isn’t this forum for people who are going through hard times and need support? I thought that this is what it’s for. I mean this site is for posting both the good things that happen to us and the bad. So if you are going through a particularly hard time right now, this is exactly when you should be posting about it without feeling guilty or like you’re bothering anyone.
I tried opening up to a friend, but here’s the paraphrased version of a message they sent me after being mysteriously pissy for half a day: “I told you a while ago I was struggling, and you you want to burden me with your issues? I can’t deal with your problems too! Why do you insist on making your problems bigger than mine? Stop being so selfish!”
And if you know me that’s some of the most damaging wording you can use.
So today I don’t feel much better tbh.
Well, to be honest, it’s best to know your audience. If someone has told you they are struggling it’s not a good idea to expect them to be your support.
You have us. We do our best to be supportive. We can’t always answer right away, but as I said, we do our best.
Maybe try an international crisis chat line? I can look for one.
I tried one you guys linked before, but they were less than helpful. And needing to pay attention to the chat for fear of being afk timed kinda stresses me.
I think I’d rather just journal my thoughts here tbh. But thanks for the offer.
I might give it a try.
Also I want to add that normally I know better than to dump on someone who’s already struggling. But the afforementioned friend particularly told me they don’t want anything to change just because they admitted to struggling, and that they want me to continue like normal.
And normal for us is that they near expect me to reach out when I’m drowning in quicksand and need help getting out of it, instead of bottling it up until I do something stupid or shite hits the fan.
Is this by chance your jerk friend that we all keep telling you doesn’t care about you, and who has repeatedly abused you? Because I thought you ditched him.