I’ve had schizophrenia for 5years. I haven’t had a friend in my life for even loner. People hate me. I’m quiet (very) but when I do speak I speak in a very blunt way. Kind of a put that in your pipe and smoke it.
I sort of just want to do my own thing. But lately I get strong desires to kill myself or Live alone like a mountain man in the woods.
I dreamed of living in the woods for half a decade now. Have one suicide attempt behind me.
I also speak very plainly, but I wouldn’t say that people especially dislike me. Even after psychosis I usually can pass for a sane, if a little bit weird person, in day-to-day conversation.
I understand you. First, if you were serious about suicide, you would probably already be dead. People who experience something that pushes them to suicide do that on impulse mere minutes later, usually. I suggest that you begin assuming that suicide isn’t an option for you.
Second, if you are serious about living alone off-the-grid, you must understand that it’s more work than living in an apartment in a city. As such, begin to learn actual skills that will help you live alone. If you don’t know how to cook, start with that. If you never held a hammer in your hand, build a small chair, etc. Personally, it’s big enough challenge for me to clean my apartment, nevermind building a shack in the woods.
Honestly, not sure why you relate people not liking you to suicidal thoughts. Why do you care that people don’t like you?
If you stick around here long enough you’ll see your problem is more common than you might think. Lots of people feel unliked-even though they are liked. Welcome to the forums, you’ll find we are a friendly, accepting, tolerant bunch of people. I’ve run into many people who feel unliked, I feel that same way sometimes. But people here are nice and give you a chance to be yourself and get to know them. Even the most unlikable people I’ve met in my life still have a few people who like them. As long as you aren’t being unnecessarily mean or abusive then you have a place here.
Welcome again, enjoy your stay. If you are suicidal our moderating team, @Moonbeam, @Bowens, @anon4362788 and @rogueone, will post support lines that you can call to tell someone and get support. I feel like running away from it all too sometimes but I know things often get better and life will look better just a few days or a week later when I’m feeling better.
I had the dream of living off the grid in the Yukon Territory, or some such place between the ages of 11 and 17. Maybe I was a little psychotic, but like yourself I was a bit of a loner. I have no doubt looking back that I was not in a normal frame of mind
What I have had to do is find some Middle Ground. I now live in the country, and have a fireplace as my main source of heat, but I am still on the grid as far as electricity goes. I find just having some space around me helps a great deal.
Before moving here, I would take long walks in the woods. Nature is very healing, and has a positive influence no matter what you choose, no matter what is available to you. At the time, I was surrounded by three crack houses on my street, and there was so much stress and tension. But nature helped me get through that
Sorry, maybe I’m rambling maybe I’m wasting your time. Any way you slice it, I wish you the very best
I strongly agree and wish to highlight this notion.
I couldn’t accept that I was schizophrenic for three years straight, during my psychosis. Hell, when my “visions” kick in, I start to believe them all over again.
When hallucinations just started, I thought that it was a rare occurence, that only one in ten thousand people experience it, that if it was so rare and I was so different, the “visions” must be true, that no doctor will know how to treat me, even if it were hallucinations.
Obviously that’s all nonsense. In reality, schizophrenia spectrum disorders are well known, as well as the issues that arise from the illness and surround it. If you do your research and work to improve, you are guaranteed to get better.
Do you dislike yourself? That’s the important thing. I have had self hatred all my life and destroyed myself on every level. The only self destructive thing I didn’t do was physically hurt myself, cutting, or drug and alcohol abuse. Once, as a boy, I was best friends with myself. I think it was cowardness that made me turn against myself. I was always very weak.
I will never be famous or a cute guy again. I will not get the attention my ego craves. It’s better to be a nihilist.
Hope youre doing okay. I think its normal to desire solitude, it could also be a symptom of depression though. Maybe you could consider getting an antidepressant? Or maybe some natural remedies?
Youre among friends, hope your day gets better 
I’'ve never be part of an inner circle forum wise. Some people respect me, at least I think they do. Not many would put me on their top 5 posters list though.
Maybe people don’t hate you as much as you think. We tend to project our own self image onto the world, so what you’re seeing might have something to do with the way you feel about yourself. Most people don’t bother to hate someone unless that person has done something really bad to them. Try to chill out, if you can. If you want friends use a little diplomacy. Personally, I’m happy to be by myself.
Welcome to the forum @Nesrashi !
I have had schizophrenic episodes scaring people. I have kinds of creepy things. I never felt like I fit in. I struggle with cutting.
Doing your own thing is better, IMO.
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