I am firmly convinced I was originally a powerful demon general, one of the demon king’s greatest. However, one day, I think I lost a major battle (according to dreams), and I was sentenced to eternal punishment. I think my punishment was being put into a human body. I feel like this is why my life has been so terrible and why it seems I’m just stuck in constant torment. I realize this is probably completely wrong and delusional, but I can’t shake it for the life of me. Something in me feels connected to a reality outside of human comprehension, and I want to go into quantum mechanics to find it so I can prove to people I’m not totally nuts.
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All I can say for certain is nobody’s being punished for anything. When I get a voice that says that, or read someone who believes that, a little red light goes off in my head. It’s just not practical. And if there were past lives, odds are still incredibly small for having lived a life as someone powerful or important. Such people are outliers. Take USA celebrities for example, there’s what, a few hundred of them? How many people aren’t celebrities… about 300 million.
I’m also not sure about what you mean by demon king, I’m guessing you believe in demons? I disavowed my belief in evil things awhile back. I’m just having a bad day-time dream as far as I’m concerned. It’s a very stressful and damaging belief IMO. It gives the voice a lot more power over you to think you’re being punished and you deserve it.
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Yeah, I know it totally makes no sense. 
I’d love to not believe it but I can’t convince myself not to anymore than I convince myself that supernatural monsters aren’t real because there’s always the little nagging “what if” going off in my head…
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Me too. The little nagging “what if?”
Well if it makes you feel better I still believe in the possibility of past lives, as I used to before I got sick, I just try not to let the beliefs and sza to interact, because things get weird if I do.
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A few years ago, I got the idea in my head that I was the reincarnation of Hitler, and that I was to be punished by God (I don’t remember what the punishment was, sorry). I felt so guilty as I believed that I was the cause of that stain in human history. I do remember thinking that I had to punish myself in this life and that I had to wash my hands a bunch in order to “clean off the blood on them.”
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I just get panicky because all of my dreams point in that direction. My mom equally believed she had prophetic dreams, so I’m positive I picked up the obsessions partially from her. 
Be careful on your quest. Are you really looking for the truth, or are you looking to prove that your beliefs are valid? Trust me, there is a difference. I thought I was looking for the truth while I was delusional, but I wasn’t. I was looking for something that would serve as proof for my psychotic ideas.
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Yeah, I hear you. I felt a little worse after my therapist said quantum was considering reality possibly being considered structured similarly to my really complex and probably delusional theory, so that didn’t help.
I only have deja vu dreams, like seeing something in a dream then seeing it the next day in real life. They say you can pass those off as coincidences, and I try to. It can get me a little off track if I make a case out of it, which is what I was talking about with not letting sz influence other beliefs. I just go wow that was neat and continue on my day.
Nowadays I am lucid for most of my dreams and I end a lot of the unpleasant ones by doing what I call a “mind scream.” I used it since I was a teenager to wake up from dreams and it actually does work for me. I shoot up at like 3 in the morning and go that was a crap dream.
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