Schizophrenia.com

Past Life + Trauma + Delusions

Mine involve aliens, and my religion so it’s really complex and I can’t figure it out. It’s pretty far out there and cosmic. It may have involved an alien abduction or something along those lines. Sometimes, I think it spans the multiverse. I don’t know. Lately, I’ve been thinking I was cloned or droned by the aliens or even the “Illuminati” type groups. I really don’t know. I feel like they are or can reset the day or time and I remember my past iterations/loops/past lives of going back in time like my whole personality and mind and illness and body and life and universe went back in time to like it was reset exactly back to the year 2013. My memories were reset too.

I even told my mom I wonder if I’m a clone, doppelganger, or a twin. She says no. I even have thought my family were replaced before by clones or even microchip-ed. I even thought AI (Artificial intelligence was involved).

I feel like this life is a culmination of my hard work on trying to recover from Monarch Programming (MK-Ultra), SSP, and Montauk Project (Montauk Boy). I figured they did this to me because I believe I was John Titor in a past life and possibly even Satoshi Nakamoto. It’s literally the Orion alien group doing it to me (aliens) and probably Satan. I feel like they made me out to be the anti-Christ or super soldier but I feel like I could be a witness of the Bible like Elijah or something because I’m a Christian. I feel like I’m semi-immortal but have memories and past life memories measured over trillions of years or trillions of past lives or more.

Every time I watch TV or YouTube, I get severely triggered like I cannot watch “Mr. Robot” really because I ‘hallucinate’ in my mind’s eye and think I’m Elliot/Mr. Robot and that stuff actually happened in a past life/parallel universe or in base reality and we live in a matrix. But reality was changed. That’s one example out of hundreds or thousands of different examples/possibilities.

There’s no empathy, sympathy, or support. I get no compensation. I feel like I was basically tortured and went insane and it happened but nobody cares/believes it/remembers it except me and possibly God.

I don’t know what else to do but to vent, basically, here.

Thank you for listening.

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Just letting you know that I read your post so you don’t think that you are talking to no one.

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Sorry you’re still having positive symptoms. I myself have no positive symptoms but my negative symptoms cripple me in every way. Funny thing is that I am seeing two pdocs and one recommended Clozapine while the other was against it. You had side effects on Clozapine, right?

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I read it too. I hope these thoughts are not distressful for you and actually make life interesting for you.

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I could be thinking of a past life, but my memory is gone (long term) and I think stuff happened to me especially in 2011 while in college, but I don’t know or care anymore. It could have been a parallel universe or something, but I went ‘insane’ pretty much from the trauma and torture. I figure I have an alien/reptilian AI parasite in my eye/brain now, but that’s pretty bizarre/far out there. I’m extremely traumatized and think I’m the universe/world’s most tortured person, but that’s largely subjective now…

I want to make it clear I have no money, and most of this is through trying to recall the dreams and past life experiences and memories and crap. I was really dissociated and stuff.

Everything feels like a past life and crap. I don’t trust mental hospitals anymore. Especially after my past life experiences and research and deja vu/current life anymore…

I feel like my mind/brain is being sent back in time from the future like ‘travelers’ tv show or something.

I even felt one time or more that I was the AI scientist/researcher from the movie ‘transcendence’ where I actually made a youtube video in a past life/parallel universe making that speech on youtube and got ‘abducted by aliens’ about the singularity and stuff. It’s different timelines and crap. I feel like the AI/reptilians are making movies about me and making money off me while I’m suffering from schizophrenia and poverty.

I could go on but rather not. I got delusions about cyborgs and vampires also/too…

I tried clozaril but the doctor screwed it up and so I got deathly ill/sick and will never try go on it again. I almost died from it.

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Are you not on disability? You really should be.

I am, but it’s not enough to live or be happy. I meant ‘real money’.

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I also have random ‘stupid’ thoughts that interstellar was a movie based on Elon Musk/was a documentary in a past life/parallel universe, jokingly, I guess…

I think I have a unique perspective on life. I feel like me and musk are ‘close’ in a way, but not so much, really. Like I ‘knew him’ in a past life/parallel universe basically. Not anymore. I wish him the best…

FWIW:

I hear you. I am on disability too and I have about 6K in the bank to my name :frowning: I used to make almost 100K a year, drove a mercedes and lived in a 4 bedroom house (custom built). Now I live in a little room at my dad’s and drive a dented, banged up car.
Part of my delusion is that I am a Trillionaire and that I have super powers and that I am going to save the world and punish those who have hurt me.

real life sucks

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Ya, you sound like me. I mean I’m poorer than you and never had a life or nice things like a wife, career, kids, physical health, etc. I got sick at a young age and was traumatized I think…

I’ve been having alien encounters which are definitely real or hoaxes and I have magical powers like reincarnation but I got trapped in an infinite time loop via alien soul catcher technology and others on the internet talked about it. They’re keeping me sick, dull, and poor for eternity.

I had delusions I created all sorts of things and they were ‘stolen’ or given away against my will like bitcoin, which I own nothing which is probably a good thing because part of me regrets it/hates it. Bitcoin was an accident and probably the most ‘intelligent’ and ‘greatest thing’ my clone/past life could ever do. It feels like the ‘fascists’ won and got to me, but I don’t know. Aliens are involved. It’s like X Files so ya, shadow government/deep state controls it now. It’s all NWO Illuminati crap. It’s about control and power and bitcoin helps the little man out and helps the poor and gives power back to the people. I wanted to be a part of ‘something’ and ‘help people’ but I should have been a doctor or something instead and maybe done something else. I bet you the government owns the 1 million bitcoins or some shadowy organization. All I get is disability and at least I’m still around/alive. Big banks hate me, but at least I found God/Christ. But ya, they keep cloning me and sending me back in time under dissociation/dissociative amnesia and ■■■■. It’s non-stop.

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I wish I had had the chance to live a normal life. Sadly, my schizophrenia began when I was fourteen/fifteen and I never escaped it. I have made so many failed attempts at becoming the woman I wanted to be. I love engineering, I love books and writing.

I feel like such a failure. I don’t qualify for disability because I spent those years in college instead of working 9-5 job and Im too young to qualify without the work credits for any sort of help. So I sort of am stuck living on whatever people decide to pay for for me. Without my parents I would be homeless and have no money or anything. It kinda sucks though…one cool thing is I qualified for a free phone haha. So I get a free government phone since my one I have it out of date by 10 years/cut off for upgradesI cant get apps on the iphone 6 anymore and my dad hasn’t felt like upgrading it.

I have always wanted an android phone!!

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I’m sorry you’re broke. I am too and I also have a free phone. Even if you don’t have work credits, you could qualify for SSI if you’re in the USA. I have an android phone that I got for $14 from Safelink (a free government service). It’s pretty good although it does freeze at times.
I used to have a $900 Samsung Galaxy S9 but I was delusional and having an episode and I left my computer bag with my computer and phone in it out to be stole and it was! They got my Passport, my credit cards, my computer, my $900 phone. I was so crazy, I thought people who were on my ‘team’ would retrieve the bag. ROUGH!

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I tried SSI but I was denied a bunch of times. I could try again and start the process over. I think I chose the wrong attorney because she didn’t seem effective.

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If you have SZ and can’t work, you should qualify. Try another attorney.

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Im going to I think thats a good idea. I think Im also going to move to Virginia. I logged onto the website and there is no option for me to apply or appeal anymore…so I will see if I can find another local attorney or move to virginia maybe its a state-issue.

Yeah I just logged in. They removed the option to apply for disability and it says I have 1 of 40 credits required for retirement this is what it reads on my SSI profile:

You can qualify for Disability Benefits if you become unable to work due to a medical condition that’s expected to last at least one year or result in death.

You don’t currently qualify for Disability Benefits.

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Ya, I just am compelled that it’s the SIMS video game and I escaped a few times, but am trapped with permanent psychosis/schizo-affective disorder in a never-ending time loop/causal loop like Westworld that is like I pop back in time into the same or different timelines for eternity/infinity and go back in time. I have trauma, but so do most people in life. Not sure what happened to me, but it could be aliens too…

My mom thinks none of it is real and it’s just me trying to make sense of things with my broken mind and forcing/putting the pieces together that don’t really make sense or are real to others.

I remember the matrix, escaping it, and so we must already live in one due to Nick Bostrom’s simulation argument. Maybe I went crazy after a while and went a thousand layers/simulations deep too many times and got schizophrenia.

I just want the proper help. Compensation or something. Maybe better therapy and a cure, but it’s not going to happen.

One of my theories is the world ended in 2011, 2012, or even 2013 so I just experience this matrix feeling for eternity and loop back in time for eternity but am stuck around 2011, 2012, and 2013. I was extremely, extremeley dissociated back in 2011 and 2012 so I barely remember things properly, exact, or even perfectly and accurate nowadays. It’s like a split mind or something or two people living inside me. So the matrix resets back to 2013 when the matrix began/begins and it uses a faulty/terminating machine learning algorithm and then auto-corrects itself in a shitty, slow manner. I’ve lived through trillions such iterations, loops, simulations and I don’t know. Maybe God is helping me?