hi! so I haven’t posted here in a while but I’ve been really struggling with these kind of thought patterns and I was wondering if anyone else had experienced anything similar.
I’ve always kind of had these thoughts, especially within the last year or so but recently they’ve gotten super debilitating. Kind of an overarching belief that everyone thinks I’m an awful person. I really worry that I’ve somehow done something deplorable that I don’t remember doing and everyone but me knows or that people can read my intrusive thoughts/they’re being broadcasted above my head or something. It got majorly triggered today after attempting to go and get groceries where I essentially got kicked off the bus by some kid who said I couldn’t get on while letting the two girls behind me get on without a word. Kids can be mean but I can’t help but think he knew something about me I didn’t? Or that the girls also knew which is why they stood so far from me at the bus stop.
It’s been really distressing and it’s hard to tell if I’m just overly sensitive because I ceased my medication recently after taking it consistently for so long or if this is real and I really am awful but just don’t know it.
Well, I don’t think anyone is born being awful, I think if you do shitty things then you become awful. But the opposite is true to, if you’re nice to people and do nice things then you can call yourself a nice person and don’t let people tell you otherwise. Do you do shitty things or are you basically a good person; you would know better than anyone else?
What worries me is that you stopped taking your medication, did you do this on your own or with a doctors guidance? Most relapses happen when someone stops taking their prescribed medication.
thank you for replying! I mean I try to be a good person, I don’t like making people feel bad or go out of my way to do shitty things intentionally so I guess that answers my question/is self reassurance. I’ve had a few people tell me that bad people don’t wonder if they’re bad because they don’t see anything wrong with what they’re doing.
And for the second part! It’s a little tricky but mostly on my own although not intentionally. I had a lot of issues with my old pharmacy and having problems with dispensing them to the point where getting them felt near impossible at times. I’m thankfully back on them as of today and had someone help me talk to them about my situation so I’m hoping I’ll think a little more clearly.
I’ve heard this before. I don’t really agree with it. Being worried about whether you’re a bad person is an anxiety symptom. It isn’t evidence either way for whether or not you do bad things. It just means you are anxious. Your actions and the way they impact people around you are the only real tangible evidence.
My therapist has been helping me separate myself from the idea of a good person vs a bad person. She says that everyone does bad things. Sometimes on accident, sometimes on purpose. Everyone does good things, too. The important thing is to be able to acknowledge when you caused harm, and to take steps to put things right. And then find ways of doing better going forward.
I believe that here you knew , I mean you knew this is an unusual belief.
I think when this realisation sinks deep in subconscious mind. All unusual beliefs will be not even a question you need to think about.
Like do you think to grown your nails , no right. Same goes with thinking we can’t keep thinking all the things possible in this world. But with meds it does work.
Because meds will make me think on the things that is sufficient to exist.
Being bad or good won’t be fruitful because it’s you and people around you decide if you are a bad or good person. The only person to listen to is your experience.
If you were treated good you will choose to be good if not bad. But what ever side you choose.
The last think in my mind is what are you going to do about it ? This will decide if you choose to be good or bad.