As the saying goes, “You’re lucky if you just have two or three really close friends over the course of a lifetime”. Often, liking someone or being liked is not a black and white thing. Some people will like you a little, some people may like you a lot. People you’re around my like certain things about you and be nice to you or people may not like certain things about you.
I’ve been at my janitor job in an office building on an army reserve base for about 5 or 6 years now. The first couple of years, I did my job quietly and didn’t talk much. I forced myself to talk to my boss and my co-workers but I didn’t really connect or talk to all the soldiers around me. Then I started just saying"Hi" to some of them and I discovered that they were mostly friendly.
So I started exchanging friendly words some of them and I was amazed how friendly they were. I told my sisters this and they told me, “Nick, you’re friendly and polite and most people like you”. I found it hard to believe what my sisters told me, but I went along with it for a couple of years.
Then I came in to work one day about two years ago and I was doing my job as usual. Then a thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought, “None of these people like me.” I was absolute sure of this. I felt crushed, sad and depressed and I hated myself. Of course I kept doing my job but I was really subdued and being someone with paranoid schizophrenia, I blew it all out of proportion and I felt that no one would ever like me for the rest of my life. I guess some of you can relate to this.
So I went to work 3 days a week feeling disliked by everyone around me. This went on for a year. There were still a couple of people who talked to me but I thought they were acting. Well, life went on.
Like George Harrison says, " Life goes on, “with, within and without you”. Fair enough.
Then just about 6 months ago. Some people were friendly to me. And then more people who I was sure that hated me would be friendly to me (and I was friendly back). It very slowly dawned on me that I was dead wrong about people not liking me. Of course not everybody likes me but the ones who don’t like me are still courteous towards me.
I still have the nagging feeling that some people are just acting friendly and they are just putting on an act but they secretly don’t like me but that’s just my paranoia.
But at work today, I was sitting on a chair in the lobby eating my lunch and a women soldier who I have seen for years, walked by and gave me a huge smile and said, “Hi” to me. This was probably the biggest surprise at work in six months. I always liked her and she was always polite when I walked into her office but I had it in my head that she didn’t care for me. But today, I know her smile was genuine and it made me feel good.I guess I’m writing to show people that you should try not to jump to conclusions. We all do it and we are often wrong. So don’t be so sure that everybody hates you.
