Went to a family gathering last night. Again my cousins and my siblings never conversed with me. We shared the food but I’m like a ghost nobody looked at me or smile with me. I feel quite uncomfortable. It’s getting more and more difficult for me to talk to people. If they reject me, I don’t know I will be separated. If i cant live totally independent, Ill probably be institutionalized. Sometimes I fantasize this might be the last time we see each other. they look upset when they have to sit close to me.
I have more emotional disturbance than an average person. I actually feel tortured living this life. Sometimes I fly to the past and wonder why I would feel like this and act like that. I feel uncomfortable everyday. These days I can only talk freely to my mom. It’s all about simple and repetitive topics. I can’t reason and memorize so my thoughts are limited. I’m no longer a pretty intelligent young individual with a promising future. I’m moderately handicapped. I’m ready to die. My mom don’t want it. If I’m dying, no one cares but my mom. I wish I can die somewhere not my home. I don’t want my mom has no place to live. It’s horrible if she thinks about me everyday. Life is long and empty. It’s difficult to past time.
@goggles don’t loose hope… there are lots of people like us …suffering badly more than us… so look @ tham try to convince urself …hope hope hope …new medication are coming scientist are researching on effective treatment and may cure may possible…but can take time… try to find love…love will keep us alive…
I’m sorry your family is still treating you like this… you were doing so well for a long time not letting their actions upset you.
I’m sorry this is still happening. It’s nice to see you back.
How has your job been going. For a while it sounded like you were healing and getting better.
I hope you find a way to not let them upset you too much. I do hope you feel better soon.
This illness at times can make you feel tired and defeated.
Dont give up, believe it or not there are others on this planet that are doing or feeling much worse than you - you are not alone.
The key is not to give up. If its a med issue, talk to your pdoc.
If you have a therapist, you can talk to that person about it.
You have your Mom, and this is a lot - Your cousins and siblings were probably being quiet with you, because you did not have a lot to say at that point - so what - its ok.
I usually dont have a lot to say to others, sometimes I get real quiet and this is fine - Its not how much you say, but what you say that counts. Quality over quantity
Hi @SurprisedJ I think I look terrible now, having put on half a person’s weight. My cousins looked uncomfortable sitting around me.
The job is alright. It’s tedious. A lot of time I print and cut papers to make cards. I haven’t made serious mistakes so far. My post is meant to do everything my colleagues dont want to spend time doing. So its all about patience. It’s a half time job therefore I joined the gym to workout in the afternoon. I need to fill my time. I don’t want to spend the afternoon on my bed.