i don’t think i actually have schizophrenia. i think this is all blown out of proportion and i shouldn’t be on medication. i think my doctors and my care team are only playing along because they feel sorry for me or they want to keep me quiet. i feel like the nurse who gives me my depot shot only gives it to me to keep me quiet but she actually talks bad about me as soon as i leave her office. i can just tell. but i don’t feel like i need these things because i don’t actually have schizophrenia. what if i’m a liar and have been lying about symptoms? what if they take me to jail for lying? i don’t want to go to jail. i used to lie a lot when i was little and what if it just became a habit and i lie all the time and don’t even realize it. i don’t know what to believe or trust or think. i think i’m a fake. i think god is going to punish me for this. I’m scared.
I feel like a fake too. But voices keep reminding me I have Sz.
If you can get over the belief that people are speaking ill of you when you leave a room, since realistically they aren’t, that will help you feel more normal, at least.
Also, questioning yourself whether you are a pathological liar is not necessary. It can get maddening if you press too hard. Just relax, try to be honest, and do what you have to.
I’m sorry you’re scared but If a psychiatrist diagnoses you with schizophrenia I think he has a good reason to. They don’t just throw around diagnoses for the fun of it, they think something is seriously wrong with you. But if you feel you’ve been mis-diagnosed than go get a second opinion from a different doctor.
I sometimes feel like I faked being sick to get attention. That is a very common delusion. But don’t let it fool you. It’s just another symptom of the disease. What depot are you taking, and how long have you been on it?
I don’t think I faked it and there WAS something SERIOUSLY wrong with me from the start, but I think sometimes that drugs caused it and now that i’m on naltrexone its cured me from the drug-induced psychosis and I could go off my abilify. but then I wake up in the morning and take it anyways. I feel better now a little bit since coming home about my uncle passing and keep thinking about going down on my abilify cuz I feel it dulls me a little. I’m too scared to go off it but I wanna go down on it but have to ask the doc first.
EI felt the same way you did on two occasions I talked my pdoc into weening me off my meds. Both times I ended up back in the hospital. My first episode I lost a lot so I’m done trying to go of my meds. I think it was inevitable that I tried to get of the meds I had to know for sure. But things are good and I have my family to support. So I won’t chance it again.
I’ve gotta say I’m getting bored of the mundaneness. I feel I’m not going anywhere and I need to switch it up. I totally feel you and I’ve heard lots of stories but I really really believe I could go down on meds (not off them) but down on them and be fine, thanks to adding naltrexone. I already went from 25 to 20 mg abilify. I feel I could make it down to 10 mg now.
I decreased my meds to the point I would have to take a little extra every now and then to get by then I went up a milligram and have been good there. But yah I think the minimum is the place to be, because of all the side effects.
Yeah I think I’m responsible for changing my doctors philosophy
he once asked me “how do you feel?” I said “90% good!” and he said "well then we can make it even better! and bumped me up to 30 mg. But 30 mg was overload went back to 25 mg then down to 20 eventually.
So then when I started naltrexone I said "are we gonna bump it up to 100 mg from 50 mg eventually"
and he said “i always like to use the minimum dose ”
I was like yeah, right, only after the last time we raised it too high do you!!!
I think it is a great gift to wonder if you are really sz. It means that the medication is working, doesn’t it? I’ve hoped my symptoms were only temporary, but they probably aren’t.