Not feeling well

■■■■, I’m finding myself having anxious breakdowns. My vivid dreams are turning into vivid recurring nightmares about being tranquilized and tortured, I am having trouble going to school, but I am still performing and will make two solid A’s and and two A-'s maybe, french might be a solid A too, so I look OK, but I am not. Im having flashbacks to my unmedicated alcoholic days that peaked around this time last year. I keep finding myself retreating to go breakdown on the couch. I’ve been skipping training recently, not working out on schedule. That just adds to my anxiety, I am afraid of losing my athletic ability.

I had some delusions yesterday and had to leave class early to go take a nap on my couch. When I woke up, I felt perfectly normal. Weird.

But things are not looking good, these are all possible signs of a relapse coming.

So here I am getting my ■■■■ together so I can go to class and take notes. I just want to go to sleep.

This is all not good, very bad actually. I have been fully recovered for about 6 months, in remission for longer than that, and just before finals is not the time for my brain to betray me.

It’s possible the change to your routine, the stress of finals coming up and the vivid nightmares are causing you to become a bit unravelled. I suggest contacting your doctor if you can maybe he can recommend an alteration in meds or some wise words on what you can do. I know when I get stressed I get nightmares too which make me feel exhausted which lowers my walls and psychosis creeps in.

Considering that flashbacks, Do you know of grounding techniques and deep breathing/mindfulness? It may be worth looking around and seeing what may suit you because everyone is different it just teaches you to keep in the present moment ‘that was then, this is now’ and gives you back some control.

It could be you just need some rest; that you’re utterly exhausted and running on empty which is why your body is telling you to sleep and your mind is becoming susceptible to psychotic tendencies. But I’m also aware routine is a key part of keeping stable so I’m not sure what you may need, maybe review what has been happening and what may be triggering this off, is something particular stressing you out (other than the obvious) that you can address? Generally has something been on your mind that is bothering you? Have you been doing too much lately that could be causing exhaustion and stress, if so can you calm things down a bit, lay low, keep to a routine but just doing less before the final push of the academic year?

I think all in all a talk with your doctor may be worth a shot and also talking to one or two of your professors to make sure they’re aware of what is happening when considering arrangements for finals and any upcoming work.

I’m sorry you’re not feeling too well but well done for recognising the symptoms and noticing you’re not feeling well that’s a good step, now you just need to act to get things stabilised again.

Take care,

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Thanks- Ive been promiscuous lately, that might have something to do with it…My dreams have me chasing my anima (Jung term) into a trap lately, that’s happened two nights in a row. I havent been working out on schedule, which makes me anxious. Im not really worried about school, Im just worried about everything, school included. I have generalized anxiety disorder, usually xanax makes me level out but lately ive been panicking.

Im seeing my shrink on monday, i just saw my psychiatrist a week ago and he filled my prescriptions again- im authorized to take more xanax if I need to, that might keep the lid in my head. I only take 1mg twice a day right now, Im prescribed 1mg 3 times a day.

Mortimermouse…Recognize perhaps that the nature of your illness can change. Routines don’t last forever. Adjustment is needed. I mean you are pushing yourself very hard to make the grades you do. Plus working out can wait. Since its good to give the muscles a break and let the nutrition do its recovery. Naps help a lot. Supplements geared towards gym can throw you off. I took creatine with some yohimbe bark extract and right now my nerves feel like a drank too much coffee. I assure you that you are past the stage of allowing a relapse to occur. As long as you take your meds like you have been. Anxiety stuff going on. Just chill and find your comfort zone. Even if it means isolating a bit. Keep those things that cause you ill effect outside. And concentrate on your inner. Drink lots of water I forget this when I socialize too much. But I eat every three hours. Man sometimes its just the body is tired. I hate rest days but like today I got to because my limit is reached.


I cant improve on what everyone else has already said, but stress is a killer for everyone. Im sorry you are feeling low. If you listen to yourself, I bet you will be feeling better in a few days…xx

Two comments. When I worked out with weights in high school the coach told us that skipping even one week in your routine can dramatically effect your ability to lift. I don’t know the scientific explanation. Maybe it’s just common sense. But you can lose a lot of strength by missing a several days or a week. But you can get the strength back. Second comment. AIDS is still around. Be careful in your sex life. It can take only one sex act with someone who is HIV positive for you to get it too. And people don’t wear a sign saying, “I have AIDS” . You can’t tell by looking at a person whether he is HIV positive. And there are people who are infected and know it, but they don’t tell people they have sex with and they can be promiscuous.They don’t care.

I always use a condom. I know all about weights, I had a torn abdomen and pulled abductors for six months from last july until this january. Thanks for the input. Im feeling in control, I have a grip on my school work, I am going to finish with all A’s again.

I just have some rough mornings, I get better as the day goes on. I catastrophize because I have so much to lose. One bad morning looks like the beginning of a fall from a blinding height. I could go from perfectly fine to absolutely insane if my meds fail me. I function extremely highly, much more highly than an average normal person, so for me a rough morning is the scariest thing in life.

Yeah, I understand. I would hate to lose my apartment or my job. Every morning is rough for me. Often I feel like my life is over when I have a bad day.

It is opposite for me when I wake up after a good sleep I feel ready to go on through the day. Its night times when I feel the seroquel, trazodone coming on I catastrophic thoughts, worry, anxiety, brought on by the side effects. The quicker I fall asleep the less agony.

I used to have that stuff on a hefty night time dose of Geodon. I used to feel weak and hopeless and think I was going to die in my sleep. I can’t really explain why it did that, it just did…it sucked, I just drifted to sleep as soon as possible.

Bnice to hear that your doing fine now,could it be that skipping your weight lifting causes your mood to change dramatically?

Because if your been lifting heavy weights for continuously a few months to years,if you stopped for a long while it might affect your mood,your thoughts

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I really dont know if its the french presentation and logic forumulas or the lack of working out. Either way, today I am giving the presentation, taking a logic quiz and then training deadlifts with my lifting buddy.

I’ll be all good come tonight. I have solid A’s in all of my classes, even if I make a B on these two things today I can still easily get an A for the semester. My shrink reminds me that my "not giving a f**k results in a B+, me trying results in an A+. I need to just do and quit thinking.

I did make a 3.5 last year while psychotic and suffering from intense alcoholism, I really shouldn’t doubt my own abilities. I’ve been rehearsing my french presentation in my head and I know I have a B+ already.

Hi @mortimermouse, I have a strong feeling that you will bounce back quickly. As I always said SZ is a very fluctuating type illness; one day you are on top of the world next day you are kissing the devil. Today my day was a rocky one, I got into a big argument with my old man, and I did not feel well, sort of out of it. I am counting on a better tomorrow

I feel OK right now. I had the presentation and ■■■■, I did alright, I just got it over with and hit the gym, lifted heavy and did well. Now for a three day weekend

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real cool, good for you

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