■■■■, I’m finding myself having anxious breakdowns. My vivid dreams are turning into vivid recurring nightmares about being tranquilized and tortured, I am having trouble going to school, but I am still performing and will make two solid A’s and and two A-'s maybe, french might be a solid A too, so I look OK, but I am not. Im having flashbacks to my unmedicated alcoholic days that peaked around this time last year. I keep finding myself retreating to go breakdown on the couch. I’ve been skipping training recently, not working out on schedule. That just adds to my anxiety, I am afraid of losing my athletic ability.
I had some delusions yesterday and had to leave class early to go take a nap on my couch. When I woke up, I felt perfectly normal. Weird.
But things are not looking good, these are all possible signs of a relapse coming.
So here I am getting my ■■■■ together so I can go to class and take notes. I just want to go to sleep.
This is all not good, very bad actually. I have been fully recovered for about 6 months, in remission for longer than that, and just before finals is not the time for my brain to betray me.