So I woke up in the middle of the night and cant get back to sleep. I am a little psychotic, I heard voices when I got up and am having delusional thoughts about the girl on the cereal box (some olympic skier with pink hair) and I havent done my homework. Ive been going to this LGBT club and meeting people I mostly dont even like and getting too wild, I think thats a sign of something not right. I usually stay home and visit with friends, I usually dont find myself dirty dancing with my shirt off at 3am groping a guy in front of me while the guy behind me gropes me, or with a girl in front of me and a guy behind me, everyone shirtless and drunk might I add (except me, I dont drink)
People have been hitting on me and I kept playing along. Now I have like 10 guys who think i want to have sex with them. Theyve been texting me.
I keep gagging like im gonna vomit. I’ve taken my meds on schedule, nothing is wrong there.
Basically I am recovered as you all know, but I have been dis-inhibited and a little sexually manic lately, and today I had the whole wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-to-psychosis thing.
Ive got two exams this week and I am a little worried about my sanity.
What do you do when you are feeling just not right? This is pretty serious, my GPA is on the line but I can pull a medical withdrawal if things dont clear up. I can also take my exams at another time due to having a cognitive disability, I have that option, one of my professors even recommnded it.
Basically, something isnt right. Ive been behaving strangely and now im having insomnia and mild psychosis. If I fall right now, I fall from quite a height, I am extremely highly functioning, I am on a full scholarship, have straight As and am a powerlifter, getting ready to compete in the fall.
@mortimermouse
Now this is just a 8:00 a.m. coffee ponder… So please take it with a grain of salt, but you have been changing the schedule pretty dramatically. I find when something begins to hit… if I panic and focus on it hard, it just gets bigger.
I’ve learned over the years that I can NOT go out two nights in a row. I can go out now, just not every single night. Once the sleep schedule gets messed up my head doesn’t like it.
If you don’t mind me saying so, you might be on the high exhaustion wave. I get this. I feel great, I feel alert, I feel like I could keep going. But people around me say my eyes look like a hamster and my concentration gets shot. My body is physically exhausted but my mind is still racing. High on coffee, low on sleep and feeling amazing… my med’s don’t work right for me when I"m like that.
When this happens I do talk to the doc and get a ONE time dose of some sleeping aid and try and get my sleeping schedule back on track.
Plus alcohol is dehydrating, so is lots of exercise… especially at your pro level… have you been keeping the electrolytes in balance and staying hydrated? You might need to talk to the doc about the alcohol, and lack of sleep combined with the meds. It sounds like you’ve got a lot of options on your see-saw.
Big thing I do when I feel this on coming crumble is not to panic. write out the factors of what has changed dramatically in your life like the spike in alcohol or the lack of sleep or the amount of energy your burning by power lifting all day and dancing all night and tackle it one by one with your cool doc.
Hopefully it’s just physical exhaustion despite the racing thoughts. Good luck and I know you’ll get this under control soon. You have a lot of resources and your not afraid to use them…
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well i only had one drink. On my meds one drink feels like 2 or 3 and gets my face red and has me behaving like a whore. I have been hydrated, drinking gatorade and water. I think its the sleep schedule, youre spot on about going out too many nights in a row.
whats worrying me isnt really the psychosis (mildly not right in the head right now) but my behavior- Ive been behaving strangely to say the least. My friends dont understand that a medicated schizophrenic shouldnt be found acting like a wild animal downtown at 4am, they think im just having fun…
Im tying not to panic, I will most likely sleep tonight and wake up normal tomorrow.
But right now I am not right in the head. I know myself and schizophrenia pretty well and I am having a schizo day.
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I’m older, I’ve been dealing with this for 13+ years this far, I’m med compliant, clean and sober for 6 years and I have glitch days and swings into delusions and loose myself and find myself on the train out of lucid town.
But the thing is, how far out do you go before you turn around and come back? You have great insight. You’ll get off that train faster then I did I bet.
As far as the behavior… I see it as this huge guilt weight has been lifted off your psyche and you want to enjoy it. All this stuff your voices accused you of about being bi… and now they have no power over you on this. It feels great to kick the voices down. You very core as gone through a big change. It’s going to take some time to find that balance.
I have a feeling that it’s just been a lot of change quickly for you and the old you and the new you are trying to mesh… if that makes sense. Again, this is just my coffee babble. If I’m off the mark no hard feelings.
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I am not sure how it is in the US but I am sure the college can make some reasonable adjustments for you. First of all, please, speak to your pdoc and then discuss with your uni. I do hope you feel better.
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No youre not off the mark, i think youre right. Thanks 
the two psychology classes i have today are taught by a professor who personally knows all about me, fortunately. If it gets worse he will understand and most likely do what he can. I feel like I can go to class and take notes but I dont feel like I can figure out my french and logic homework. Both subjects are like foreign languages to me LOL
Im feel cold, and shivering and gagging for some reason. I think I will shoot him an email saying “Imma possibly fall asleep in class or leave class early, schizo is acting up” and I think he will understand. He told me he wont take offense if I fall asleep in class (schizo meds do that) and he said if I need to leave the room hes ok with that too. I talked to him about my condition at the beginning of the semester.
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Student with disabilities office will ask students to share notes and e-mail notes in so if the student with the disability misses a class due to medical… they can get the notes. Does your classes have a note taker? You might want to ask the profs to e-mail you the notes or power points and stay home and rest just this once.
It’s not defeat… it’s self preservation.
My prof today knows about my illness, we talked about it, he said its fine if i fall asleep, act strange or just leave when i told him about it. He mentioned disability so I could take exams in private in his office or something like that but I declined, i could always take him up on that though, i will always be schizophrenic LOL. I sent him an email saying i might not show up or i might leave early or fall asleep in class today.
I have friends in both classes in case I have to leave, but I think I will try to tough it out. I used to sit through a couple classes a week when I was unmedicated, I have been here before…I just got used to being stable and now some breakthrough symptoms are just intimidating me.
Ive got this. I’ve been to hell, this isnt even it. And I made it out of hell with a 3.5 last year. I think I will sit through class and take notes, not worry about french and logic homework as I have A’s in all of my classes and can afford to not do one days worth of homework, and then sleep well tonight.
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Good luck young Jedi. May the force be with you.
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He sounds very understanding, I’m so glad you have a tutor like him. Do they offer professional notetakers in your school, i’m sure you are entitled to one? And even a little more one to one support, like tuition.
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I have friends who can share notes. I think I will make it today.
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I wonder if all these guys texting you are just picking on easy meat. You’re new to the bisxual game and a little young to boot. Are they taking advantage of you? I would be careful.
Anyway, you may be relapsing. I don’t want to scare you but no one is immune from relapsing. It happens. No need to panic yet, you may be able to stave it off or at the least be able to cushion the blow if you do the right things. When you frequently mention you are recovered I had my doubts at first. But you were(are) functioning highly so I took you at face value and thought you were recovering. And you do function highly. Sorry to be negative Mortimer but I’ve seen many people claim they are recovered and then things go bad. No offense meant, I just get a little cynical sometimes. I mean I’m just an average person with schizophrenia. But I’ve known a few others. So like Surprised j says. Take what I’m saying with a grain of salt. And,hey, I WANT you to succeed.I don’t wish you anything bad. And you may still pull out of this and not relapse.These are just my thoughts. But anyways, when I first got diagnosed at age 19 in1980 I was severely ill mentally. I mean it was BAD. Group homes, a locked hospital for 8 months, chained to a table once, HEAVILY medicated. I had nothing, and very little going for me. But I slowly got better in increments. SLOWLY. So by about 1985 I figured I would never be hospitalized again. In1988 I relapsed and had a succession of hospitalizations. It took me a about a year to get back on track. My last hospitalization was in 1990. But I’ve come close often. I don’t dwell on relapse in my mind, nor worry 24-7 about being hospitalized again. I hate and fear hospitals but I have a disease that cannot always be controlled. Hospitals are still a possibility for me, but I do what I can. I wonder if we are going through the same thing? When you describe going to clubs it sounds like you are putting having fun, ahead of your responsibilities. In a way, you are taking the easy way out. I have been doing it lately too. And it might be the disease manifesting itself. I wish you well, be careful.
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This is just a thought that I will throw out there. I think it can happen that people put things in your drinks at bars so even one drink could have been tampered with. Just be careful.
Try to get back to hanging out with your friends like you did a month ago. Maybe all this excitement is just too much.
I hope that it gets better for you soon.
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so sorry to hear ur not doing too well mouse. maybe take a couple of days off and get some rest and c what that does and how u feel thereafter. hope u get back on track soon lovely. xxxx
So I feel better after a day of school. I made out with a guy in the bathroom after my night class. Good day! Psychosis cleared up right before my first class, im all good!
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yay! good going mouse. hope u enjoyed the making out lol.
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Stop using Sz as an excuse for your bad behavior.
Stay home, stop drinking and study if you want to pass your exams.
Don’t ruin the sz label for the rest of us.
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I’m glad you’re feeling better! It was probably just a glitch from all the new and exciting things going on in your life.
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