Out of respect for this community, I’ve chosen to put this in the Unusual Beliefs section.
So I’ve been closely following the conspiracy theory regarding possible evidence of a pedophile / child sexual abuser network in my government. If you’re not familiar with it, that’s basically what it is in a nutshell, no need to go look it up, it’s disturbing so protect your minds. And if you are familiar with it, well you know what I’m talking about.
For about the past month I haven’t been able to stop obsessing about it. I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse myself, and I feel an absolutely overwhelming psychological need to make sure that kids are not being harmed by these people in these ways, but that is impossible. There is no official investigation because law enforcement and the media doesn’t feel that the evidence is valid or enough, and maybe they are right and I’m not able to think clearly, I don’t know, and it is only a conspiracy theory at this point, no actual hard proof. So it’s like my mind desperately needs to know, but that’s not possible.
My sleep cycle is all screwed up and totally backwards, not sleeping well at all, either. Everything is tripping me out and I’m starting to get the religious/paranoia vibes going on. The pope makes a statement and I can’t help but feel like I am being personally tested somehow. I go outside to smoke and swear the neighbor across the street is keeping tabs on me, then I start wondering maybe he is part of the FBI and is going to kill me for researching into this topic. I’m really jumpy.
My cognition is also taking a dive. I argue with people online and everything makes sense, but then a few hours later I re-read some of what I wrote and realize I made a huge, obvious mistake about something, shakes me up. I haven’t told anyone in my personal life that I have been obsessing hardcore about this because I feel like I can’t, I feel too paranoid. I rarely bring up the topic but then pretend like I think it’s nonsense and walk away.
I feel like I’m a little kid right now and like I’m about to burst into tears, like I’m just very tired and having juvenile thoughts like I just wish the world wasn’t like this. I’m going to go ahead and take a Zyprexa and see if it helps, but I just needed to get that out.
The PRN method had been working just fine up until I started reading about this stuff. I can’t even remember how/where or exactly when it even started. I first read about it on 4chan but I don’t even hang out on 4chan or have an account there. I can’t remember what lead me there in the first place. I failed to recognize my own red flags I guess and didn’t take it when I should have, like when my sleep started to get erratic. It didn’t even remember that I had the Zyprexa until I started having a panic attack a little while ago, and then my brain was just like take the Zyprexa and I remembered that I had it. I haven’t felt any emotion in a long time and I’m just feeling a lot of it right now, probably because my brain and body are so tired I guess. The neighbor across the street thing is freaking me out because the reason I think it is because whenever I go out to smoke at night no matter what hour the lights on the house flicker and sometimes I hear their front door and then turn to see the guy going inside, so he was standing out there doing nothing until I came out but I didn’t see him? Like am I actually hallucinating that bad, I have never hallucinated that bad before plus I still know to consider that it might not be real. I don’t know. I’m so confused and tired. I just wanted to do what is right, I don’t want to be like my mother who didn’t care, I can’t even think clearly. I did take a 10mg pill I don’t know if I can feel it yet or not, normally I can feel it fast. Thank you for responding I just needed to connect to someone and ground myself. There is no one here now, everyone is out of town and asleep. I just started to feel like I was going to lose it or something.
I’m sorry you’re having trouble right now. If it helps, the person who started the fake news stories about the child sex trafficking ring openly admitted in an interview that he made it all up, along with several other stories. I don’t want to get overly political by linking the video, so I will PM it to you.
I wasn’t sexually assaulted when I was a child but in my 20’s. The ordeal lasted 6 years, and even though it ended 25 years ago it still affects me from time to time. For me, it’s irrelevant if a story regarding sexual assault is real or not, for it’s still going to trigger my post-traumatic stress disorder.
Websites like this one are very helpful to get the anger out in a positive way.
I watched it, and used the info to find an article on it, too. Thank you the article I found as a result of the info explained stuff more in depth without mocking or insulting. Plus I think the Zyprexa is kicking in a bit now. I feel stoned. I tried a couple times to find debunking material but it didn’t really debunk or explain just mocked me and others basically and called everything fake with no explanation which made it a lot worse in my mind. Not really sure how I feel about all that that I just read. I guess I see what he wanted to do to prove a point but that’s honestly pretty hurtful if I got triggered that bad and it was just to prove that I’m stupid. But I feel way more relieved than hurt if it likely came from something like that instead. Odd that they think that is funny. I had the thought early on before I became hardcore obsessed that it was terrible either way, if it was real it was terrible and if someone made it up it was terrible. They even found art of child sexual abuse and used it. I still wish the world wasn’t like this. Normally for conspiracy theories I just want to debate or discuss aliens or banks or world history but not child sexual abuse and murder I think mybrain just lost it. The sleep deprivation has worn on me. I feel so stoned now though, med is definitely kicking in. Plus they used something when there were real scandals in the past where children were hurt. I don’t know what to believe right now but I’m stoned on zyprexa. But no, I know it’s probably correct, the debunking. If their target was towards racists. I’ve seen a lot of them actually. They use brackets to communicate like it is their own version of a secret code. Omg all this ■■■■. Thank you for talking me with I just suddenly needed to get out of that vacuum. Going to close my eyes for a while now.
I agree. It is horrible that they would make up something like this. It proves they have no respect for human decency. I think he did it just to make money. He can talk all he wants about exposing bias, but the truth is he made tons of money off these fake scandals, and he didn’t care about all the people he hurt along the way. You aren’t stupid for believing it. He wrote them in a way that was designed to make them believable. If nobody believed it, he would lose money. And sorry that the video was also kind of mocking. It’s just the only hard proof I’ve been able to find that these stories really are fake.
I’ve struggled with fake news stories as well, and I’ve found a lot of support from people on here when that happened. The one that got to me was the story that the government is planning to imprison all Syrians in internment camps. I became very afraid of what would happen to me and my family, and even made Mr. Star buy a gun (locked in a safe that I don’t have access to, for safety). And then I found out the whole thing spread from a flippiant comment made by a guy who used to do PSAs and has no actual influence in the government.
Conspiracy theories, even if it may or may not be true, this illness fogs self clarity, reasoning, insight, self awareness and what not, creating a hell ton of agony. Personally I would think to yourself if this is helping you or hurting you, and then think of and take actual actions to change where needed.
There are so many things in the media that can trigger us, fake news stories are a big problem. I watched a old movie the other night, freaked me right out and my mind was racing, about a conspiracy in the government, was fiction but it still set me off.
So many days I wish I never saw or heard something.
Hey @Turnip. I don’t know if this is a good idea but I wonder if there’s a child protection organisation you could volunteer with so you could feel somewhat satisfied your helping the situation?
I know you’re studying early childhood teaching and I think that’s a really great way to contribute to the cause.
He knows what they all do, he can see it clearly from above, just know what they have coming, it’s so bad in fact that they will become clean, it’s that ■■■■■■■ bad man.
Them thar fellas are going deep into hellish things. And they will be given what they deserve, weighed out very carefully and bestowed upon them, every single bit of it.
Seriously though there fellas, them thar interdimensionals can bring you back, death is no escape, if you knew thar what twer good for ya you’d go the other way.