This is what I mean about things coming back to me psychically or through synchronicities.
I email something to people I don’t know, and coincidentally everything seems to respond as if everybody knows what I wrote.
It makes me start to think that everybody, or some people writing, are paid government workers, because how else would they know what I had written in private.
The next step is to get the impression that people are responding to my private thoughts, which is when I really start to relapse, and all of this happens because of my initial attempt to engage with high level strangers about high level issues.
I need to focus on taking care of my well being like tidying my flat and cleaning myself and staying sane.
Why do I get involved with strangers? I just want an anonymous space to gain as much insight into my condition as possible, but I keep trying to fix things between posters who seem to be arguing about things that are important to me. Why? Because I want to understand the contradictions in my thinking. Yet I keep thinking the posters who are arguing are paid government workers because they seem so sure of themselves.
At this time of change, I am even more prone to seeing conspiracies, not just government workers, but revolutionaries, who I’m emotionally attached to and want them to like me, I believe they are winning, but in truth revolution frightens me, as does all instability. I’ve got to get a grip on my own life, get back to my routine, stop worrying what other people think. Change is a part of life. My family on my fathers side were refugees from a racial war. Nothing scares me more, even though I long for justice. I keep trying to get involved to help, I worry that if I don’t there will be no future for me. Am I naïve to think the government is losing? I want things to get better, but I appreciate order in my life. I just want to get on with my life as if nothing is happening. Thank you.
@Daze, I don’t have PM privileges. I have experienced something I might call “direct energy torture” whereby my physical body is controlled by the energy of others of even just paralysis in my room.