Need support

Lounge
1

I have a lot of normal and abnormal stress in my life. It involves a number of stressful situations that I can’t resolve and have no way of avoiding. I’m not sure what to do. The doctors said I need to be less stressed and not anxious as it’s affecting my physical health. Im so stressed that I’m having strokes. The things causing my stress will not resolve for a very long time.

My numerous hobbies that helped relieve stress l cannot do anymore due to permanent physical issues. I can’t color due to double vision, needlepoint because my fingers are deformed, play the violin because my fingers are too slow, diamond paint because I can’t grasp a pen, read because I see double, walk much because my right side is very weak and unstable, etc. I’m upset and angry and can’t move past this. I got an audio text to speech and speech to text to help.

I’m crying right now. I’m getting suicidal but I refuse to tell professionals because of why. It will cause the family to break apart. My hubby is an amazing faithful man but he is extremely traditional when it comes to our roles. My limitations are dismissed. I have to clean, cook all the time, handle all finances, take children to activities, educate them at home, midnight trips to the doctors, home repairs, etc. Having two of the five children with disabilities is a lot of work.

I’m tired. Can’t sleep. Severely Vitamin deficient. Having mini seizures due to very low sugars. Have to be on blood thinners but it’s causing stomach bleeding so I need constant transfusions. Brain hurts due to severe migraines. Very angry because my safe place is violated.

My youngest has to be monitored 24/7 due to having BPD, ODD disorder, narcissistic personality, kleptomaniac and sociopathic tendencies. I cannot trust her to be alone at any time. I desperately want peace but can’t have. I’m alone dealing with various problems because it’s all my responsibility. She does online school but refuses to learn and finish third grade. As a responsible parent I cannot allow that. She watches youtube videos about how to get away with killing their moms. I fear my life. A few weeks ago she pushed me down the stairs. She steals my candy that I use in emergency when my blood sugar gets slow. One time she ate all my candy in my emergency bag and I did not realize it when my blood sugar is extremely low.

The hospital told me I cannot drive and if I do they will arrest me. So I can’t go anywhere.

I have to go to a stroke rehabilitation center for therapy and only they will determine when I can drive. My right eye is frozen and does not respond to any stimuli. If I drive they will report to the police and have me arrested.

I’m sorry this is long. I guess I needed to vent. I’ve never had this much stress and I’m at a breaking point. There is way more stress I can’t talk about. I’ve been asked to be a witness in a trial and I’m afraid that he really hurt her.

10 Likes
2

Sounds like you are going through a lot. Those sound like some tough issues with health and the kids. It’s definitely a tough spot to be in.

3 Likes
3

HUGS to you ma’am.

If it makes you feel any better you’re one of the many people on here that I seriously look up to.

I imagine it’s hard to always keep a poker face when it feels like the world is falling apart.

Maybe call a crisis line? It might make you feel better to talk about some of this to someone.

Be well. :heart:

4 Likes
4

Wow, that’s a lot of stuff to have going on.

You would probably have better luck getting good, plentiful responses at an earlier time. A lot of us are probably like me are pretty groggy. getting ready for bed, and not in our top form. Those that arent asleep that is.

There are , of course, those not on our time zones that will be on, but there are not as many at this slow time of the forum.

I’m not sure what I can say to all of that, to be honest. It’s a lot. Would the phone numbers for someone to talk to directly be helpful?

Just remember that once life is over, its over, I guess. We are here a short time and dont get a second shot. I hope that you can make the most of your situation.

I would seek out professional counseling to try to deal with that as best as you can. They obviously wont be able to solve everything, but maybe they could help you solve some and help ease the pain of the rest.

5 Likes
5

Yeah, you’ve always seemed to have it rougher than most people. Sounds like you’re stuck in the middle of some really hard, almost impossible situations. Are your kids at least helping you cook and clean? They should be. Your family better help you because if you go under, then they go under too.

I’m not calling you weak and maybe this is a bad analogy but a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. You should be getting all the help from your family while you are at your most vulnerable right now. I know you’ve done a lot for your family and probably made some sacrifices for them so you shouldn’t feel guilty for asking for help.

I don’t know what to say, I haven’t had to deal with all that your dealing with. I have some health problems but I still get around OK. You need to find some way, somehow, to relieve all the stress. I hate to recommend medication, we all hate it and it is addictive which is a real problem but could your doctor temporarily put you on Xanax or Ativan? I’m an addict and prone to abusing drugs but when I used to have to move around several times years ago my doctor would temporarily put me on Ativan until I got acclimated to my surroundings and the stress of moving got calmed down.

You’ve always seemed like a smart woman and I hope you can figure out some solutions to your problems. Good luck @sweetpotatocasserole.

4 Likes
6

I’m going to go ahead and list the phone numbers in case you need them. I would suspect this thread will likely get more responses as the day progresses.

If you are feeling suicidal or having a mental health crisis, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.

You can also call a crisis intervention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries. You do not need to be actively suicidal to benefit from a crisis hotline.

International crisis hotlines:

Crisis hotlines in the U.S.:

4 Likes
7

It’s like you’re a cog keeping everything turning. As a mother (and I understand this) you keep everything together. The glue of your family.

If you don’t take some time to focus on self and self care it will all fall apart cos without you that’s what happens.

Can you sit and have a conversation with your husband about maybe taking some time out in the day to focus on yourself ?

I really wish you the best. It doesn’t sound like you have it easy at all.

2 Likes
8

@sweetpotatocasserole Can you get some audiobooks or something to listen to? On any subject that you think could help you reduce your stress and anger. Is there any music you can listen to with a violin or anything that could help you reduce stress?

1 Like
9

Can you try benzos or some other prescription med to help with anxiety?

1 Like
10

You really need some time off I think. You’re taking on too much

1 Like
11

Maybe you could order in meals and get a help to clean when needed if you can afford it, so you get a little more room to deal with your health and family.

2 Likes
12

I don’t understand how your husband can have a traditional perspective on your role while your this ill. It’s very disheartening. I have to believe he would have more compassion for you. My heart goes out to you @sweetpotatocasserole

3 Likes
13

I have a very close friend with an autistic daughter with very violent tendencies.

She’s now in a day program and when she’s not in the day program,

She’s in other programs.

I’ve never heard of a child with such a diagnosis at that age, but if that’s the case, getting her into similar programs shouldn’t be too difficult.

You spent a lot of time typing with your fingers that you are saying cannot do anything.

Seems they can.

You can type.

Writing can be very therapeutic.

Very much takes you out of the situation temporarily and allows you to collect your thoughts.

I also take a more traditional role with my marital relationship.

I clean, cook, do literally everything that isn’t going to the office and making all the money.

It’s a lot.

With the addition of five children,

I can’t imagine.

Is it possible for family to help you with them?

Seems your only real option for a break there.

I’m not sure where you live, but in all 50 states, you can obtain a license with one functional eye.

I don’t know who at the hospital told you they would turn you in for driving but I feel certain that is not their job or business.

Or the law.

Additionally,

You shared details about your trial situation.

You definitely have the option to opt out of that with a phone call.

No court wants a reluctant witness with the exception of like murder trials.

It might piss off your family but the stress is not worth it.

1 Like
14

I am sending you big hugs and biggest support in the whole earth.
I am not sure what to say, because I’ve never been through such difficult situations.
Atleast I want to add, that things can really get better. I really wish that things would get better for you, in a fastest possible way. Just don’t give up now…
I also think your family and husband should take into account you’re going through tons of hardships.

2 Likes
15

I’m sorry that you are under so much stress

I agree with @everhopeful

Can you be prescribed a PRN benzo?

Klonopin helps me when I’m under a lot of stress

2 Likes
16

I’m so sorry things are this bad for you

When I’m going through very stressful times I up my APs for a bit because they’re ones that make me drowsy.

That calms me down a bit

So I’d ask for a prn that can be taken daily in order to calm your nerves

I use essential oils in a diffuser. They really help my mood

I am going to strongly urge you to tell the attorneys you do not want to be a character witness. It’s not worth the stress

Your daughter needs help beyond what you can give. You are not a trained professional in that area and even they need breaks.

Look into getting her into a program for help.

Can you get a dr to explain to your husband this is all too much for you?

2 Likes
17

**Thank you for saying that. It is stressful. But he and I have a close relationship and I feel I’m not being a supportive sibling just because I keep my mouth shut and don’t join in the hate fest. Family wants me to say she’s a B and I refuse because we were always cordial and never argued. **

1 Like
18

You’re very welcome.

Best of luck out there.

1 Like
19

Sending the (((hugs))) @sweetpotatocasserole

:heart:

3 Likes
20

Thank you. I’m getting individual counseling and marriage counseling as well. The only thing they really tell me is to decrease my stress. I’m like all the things that I do to relax I can’t really manage at this moment. I’m just burned out. I don’t even know why I’m talking about it really. I feel like I spend so much of my time trying to help people who need me to, that at the end of the day I am exhausted because I’m just not handling the responsibility very well.

At this point most of my specialists have told me, Look from a medical standpoint we can treat any current symptoms but we can’t at this point prevent them from returning. I guess it’s rare to have a person of my age with so many medical issues. One doctor also said that I should mentally expect to be in the hospital for weeks at a time for the rest of my life. Yeah not a great visit.

3 Likes