You may have noticed but I haven’t been doing so well. I have been trying to help myself and I frequent the crisis lines etc. But I could really do with some family support.
I phoned my mum today but she said she was watching sport so to call back later. I waited for the match to finish and phoned back. My mum was distracted and distant and the call lasted maybe 30 seconds. I was about to ask for help but my mum finished the call.
Ten minutes later and after so much anguish I phone my mum and just say outright that I need help. All I hear is dad in the background snarling “Now! Put the phone down now!” Mum finishes the call.
How can people get so unkind? They constantly tell me I am a burden and how much my illness affects the family. I got stick one time for being discharged from hospital and they said that meant I would have to rely on them again.
I don’t think they have ever done even a cursory Google search on sz. They are so ignorant. What is worse is that they always say “what would you do if we weren’t here?” Implying I can’t count on them for jack. I say “but you are here… Cradle to the grave and all that”
At this point they usually threaten to call the police and have me removed from their house.
Hey @Minnii. My sisters are all too busy to look in on me. Am I being unreasonable or does my families response to my illness occasionally a bit cruel?
It is cruel… But don’t beat yourself up, it’s not your fault.
I’m sorry, I don’t have more to say. If I could I would help you.
Have you tried going to the ER?
I’m sorry to hear that. That is wrong of her on so many levels. This cruel of your family in my opinion. You are not a burden and they should never use your illness as leverage on you.
They do sound extremely ignorant do you maybe have a support group or close friend who you could go to?
Look up how to fight stigma in the family. I’m not sure if it’s out there but it’s worth a try.
(incoming rant: go to bottom paragraph to get to the point)
When I went to the anti-stigma meeting Thursday, I was told that I can tell people in my family things when they stigmatize me. But the only thing I got from the presenters was that “I didn’t choose this illness.” So I went off of that logic when my Dad had an argument with his wife over me on the phone. I debriefed my Dad and he brought that up so I responded with, “Do you think I chose this? Do you think I like living with my parents? That’s embarrassing.” And before this my Dad already responded with that I try to get my life going and to look at what I’m doing. Which I do try to do things even if it’s not to someone else’s standards because it’s my life and not theirs so they shouldn’t be worried about it. And it’s not like I want them to be over bearing and up in my business 24-7 or that I want to make them upset. It’s not like I chose to one day be like, “well I’m just gonna act like a brat so I can get my way. I’m 23 so I should be able to act like a fool and manipulate people just enough so they notice and discriminate against me. That’s so easy, I just love it.”
Well that’s obviously not the case and I’m sure her boys would be more of focus if she didn’t think they were flawless regardless if they kept doing drugs and getting arrested for it. Or keep bouncing from job to job and getting paid minimum wage. But they aren’t a problem, no way. How could they be? I mean they only have minimal mental health issues compared to what I have. So I don’t care what the outcome of their life is, I don’t live with them and they don’t live with me. The only reason anybody brings it up is because their Mom complains about how I still live with my Dad even though they both live with her and have the capacity to take care of themselves.
I know I ranted more than usual here but really I know how it is when someone doesn’t enjoy your presence and just wants you to go away and never return. It’s how I get treated everyday since I had my first break down. So know you are not alone.
I live on my own. I was phoning for a bit of sympathy or just some kind words. I am very isolated and hearing a live human voice is a rare pleasure for me. I have no friends.
All I know is if I had a son with sz I would treat them a great deal differently as I am being treated.
my own family ignores my siblings’ problems and focuses on how ‘bad’ mine are. I’m 26, living on my own, making 3K a month with nothing but growth ahead in my career. Yet my mother insists I am still too dependent on her and my step dad, even though neither has actually taken care of me since I was 7 and my second sibling was born.
I pay their car insurance. I paid the down payment on my stepdads new truck last year, i was the first at the hospital when my step dad hurt his back at work, when my mom had a break down at work? i was the ONLY one who showed up at the mental ward in the ER to pick her up.
Yet my parents insist i am mooching of them. even though my oldest younger sibling lives in a house my stepdad bought and i pay the taxes on, even my next sibling in line lives at home with them and doesn’t work and is stoned ALL THE TIME, not only that he is juggling not two, not three, but FOUR girls, three of them under age (hes 19 and two of them are 16 and one is 15) my siblings who are younger than those two are both under 15.
But I’M a nasty guy because my GF is two years younger than me. I’M lazy because my work is done i from home most of the time. I’M a drug addict because i go through withdrawal when i run out of meds because insurance once again dropped the ball and wont pay for the meds, even though i had to file for special permission for those meds.
Family sucks my friend. But the best way to make them regret their treatment f you is to treat them with respect and kindness so that when it comes down to it, you did better than them.
You can always consider us to be your “chosen” family, we are here to support you.
Lean on us when needed, that’s what this site is all about.
Sometimes families just aren’t capable of being what we need, but it doesn’t mean the love for you is gone, it’s just dormant until they get their rear-ends out of…you know where, but don’t wait up for it, it could take years-(50 in my case) so until then, don’t allow it to dissolve you, because it can if you let it.
Blood may be thicker than water, but it’s also much harder to get-and much more expensive.
Have you thought of increasing your depixol @jimbob ? I’m starting to think maybe depixol isn’t the greatest med as I too have been having problems when stressed.
I’m sorry for your trouble. I know family problems hit deep. My parents said they were going to make me a ward of the state, essentially disowning me. We get thrown out before we are able to grow up enough to make a sane break from them.
This is part of what contributed to me believing blood relations don’t even make anyone special. If someone isn’t living up to the role they’re supposed to have, then they can go to hell for all I care. They’re not important to me then.
that’s sad to hear. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Someone you can call?