My sister in law hates me and might be subconsciously trying to kill me

Okay, hear me out. I know how it sounds to accuse someone of this. But listen, okay?

I dunno if I have told anyone this but I have severe sleep apnea, and it isn’t Obstructive, where the tongue falls into your throat and blocks your airways. Mine is caused by my brain not telling me to breathe at night. So I HAVE to have my CPAP every night. Every time I sleep I HAVE to have it. I could die of oxygen deprivation if I don’t use my CPAP.

Well, I’ve known from the beginning that my sister in law dislikes me. She always makes it abundantly clear by actions and words. She never says out loud she hates me, but she often yells at me, blames me for things I’ve never done, or accuses me of doing things I don’t do. When she asks my brother to do things and he doesn’t do them, she takes it out on me. Over the last few days she has come into my room without knocking and gotten mad at me for things I had no control over.

Well, today? I was borrowing an extension cord which my brother gave me permission to do. I was sleeping because I had a migraine severe enough that I broke down into tears whenever even a soft sound was made, and I was severely nauseated. But earlier, while I was sleeping I hear a faint “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” and suddenly I was wide awake, gasping for air. She had UNPLUGGED the extension cord where my CPAP was plugged into. I have told her many times that if I’m asleep, not to mess with my machine because I could have severe problems if it was messed with while I was sleeping, and have told her that my Sleep Apnea WAS NOT due to my tongue. For me, if my air flow is cut off it can be VERY dangerous for me.

But yeah. She unplugged the machine while I was still half asleep too, and since I still had my mask on and the machine was OFF, my air flow was completely cut off between those conditions. And since then, I’ve had a VERY difficult time breathing even while I am awake and writing this.

but I know for a clear and unequivocal fact that she hates me. She makes it no secret she didn’t want me moving in with her and my brother, even though no one else in my family would take me in. she constantly tells me I have till August to find a new place to live, and that she and her mom will “help” me by finding a group home. the thing is, I am scared for my safety now. She had no remorse unplugging my CPAP, something that basically keeps me alive and healthy, to get an extension cord to turn on CHRISTMAS LIGHTS outside.

what’s next? Will she come into my room and try to slit my throat or something if I anger her enough? She’s already unstable, off her medication, and what’s worse is she is pregnant. all three of those together are recipes for disaster. I am TERRIFIED to be here much longer. My physical health has even started to decline in addition to my mental health, and it’s becoming painfully obvious. I have no color in my face anymore, I’m becoming gaunt, I’m losing weight and have no appetite. I’m constantly dizzy, I’ve passed out twice in the last four days, overall I am an absolute train wreck of both physical, emotional and mental problems. I’ve been told I need to get the hell out of here by friends of mine, but I have nowhere to go.

No one will take me in in my family as I’m ignored more often than not, and they don’t care that I’m sick and need family to help me out. The closest emergency shelter is 2 cities away and don’t even take single, unmarried women with no children. I’m stuck here, even though I am scared for my life.

I need help to decide what Im going to do.

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I’ve been scared for my life before. It was no fun. I exercised all the bravery techniques I could manage.


I’m assuming you have a room with an outlet and what she unplugged was in your room. It also sounds like your room doesn’t have a lock. Consider going to your local hardware store and getting a doorknob alarm. It makes a loud noise when someone tries to turn the doorknob. That way you will wake up if someone comes in.

I don’t think it’s likely she will straight up murder you, but you should be allowed to sleep without having to worry about crap like that.


Thanks for the advice, @twinklestars. My only problem is if suddenly I have things that will alert me to someone in my room they’ll see it as me being unstable and overly paranoid even though I have absolutely NO privacy in my own home. I’m always being probed for personal information by her, like if I do anything with people I date. When I had gotten pregnant early last month I had to keep silent abut it or she would tell everyone else in my family that I was pregnant. I;m not allowed privacy except when in the bathroom and showering. any other time my things will be gone through if they feel like I am hiding something, and I will be interrogated constantly until I tell them whats going on. Then if I tell them something significant it’s brushed off, unles I tell them I’m suicidal. I just don’t tell them anything anymore even though my brother is my caretaker because I’m afraid of telling them anything. I told my brother what happened last night today while she was gone at work and he shrugged it off like I was overexaggerating (Which I’m not, if my oxygen supply is cut off while I sleep I could have serious problems, especially after I could not breathe half the night after she unplugged my CPAP.) Everything I say or do is not taken seriously, because apparently I’m “Being manipulative” if I tell them something I’m upset about.

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I use a CPAP too but I don’t have to have it.

What do you do if the electricity goes out?

I just don’t sleep if power goes out

And the unfortunate thing is my breathing just shuts off, so I need my air flow continuously going at night. If my machine gets unplugged I stop breathing and my brains doesn’t tell my lungs to breathe.

That sounds dangerous. I live in Louisiana. We have storms and the power goes out all the time. Sometimes it’s squirrels getting in the transformers and not just storms.

It seems you would have to have some kind of back up power.

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Is there any way you could get a lock for your room that only you have a key to? I know you said she’ll take the alarm as a sign of paranoia. But what if you got one of the latch ones that you install on the inside? The sliding kind. Easily removable if you need it. Plus you may be able to just say that you’re using it for when you change and such.

I might be able to get one. I don’t know why my room doesn’t have a lock on it and theirs does…It’s annoying. I cant get into their room half the time if they don’t want me in there, and yet they barge into my room all the time, not even knocking.

Get a lock … it’s a good idea.
I got a lock for my room.
Privacy is important.

Well I would get one and if they say something just say you want privacy. If they get snippy or say you’re being paranoid you can just tell them that they have one so you should be able to have one too.

Not sure if this is any help or not. Just my suggestion.

Have you sat down with her and talked about these things? It would be a hard conversation, but it would give her an opportunity to change. If talking with her doesn’t help, you can sit down with her and your brother together.

Are you considering a group home?

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I have spoken to her about behavior…But she always makes excuses as to why she acts the way she does. Like, she’ll always say, “I don’t mean to be a b****, but this and this and this you do frustrates me really badly.” she always finds a way to put the fault on me, even when I don’t do what she accuses me of doing. Plus she goes through my stuff when I’m not home. I never get much privacy.

And…I have considered a group home…but I don’t do well with that, especially if they put me with a roommate. I’ve been known to become homicidal with roommates before.

Sounds like she is taking advantage of you because you suffer with a mental illness.

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Look into the group home option anyways. In the one I worked at, we had two single rooms, which we have to the people with a history of aggressive behavior. Different places are different, but they might work with you.

I’ve been told that by several friends. the only times she really talks much to me is to tell me to take care of the dog (Who IS NOT mine, by the way), or do more work around the apartment. Other than that, I’m pretty much ignored.

And okay @ninjastar. I’ll give it a look. But I want it to be on my own terms…not her and her mother’s. Because I have no doubt they would put me in a horrible place and call it “Good for me”

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Sometimes, getting into a crappy group home is a stepping stone to getting into a nicer one. It sucks while you’re waiting, but at least nobody would be carelessly unplugging necessary medical devices. And it doesn’t sound like it could be worse than your current situation.

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Yeah, I mean, a shitty group home with a shitty roommate would suck, but you already fear for your life. There’s not much room to go but up.

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True…Well, the lease isn’t up until August, and if I move out before then it’s very likely that my brother and his wife will be evicted…and it will be another thing she would hate me for.