A neighbour accidentally had a small fire tonight and melted the air fryer on the stove. Its ok fires out but theres a stench of plastic in the block. I was telling my mum and she asked was the fire exit our windows? She said you’ll have to practise jumping out the window?
Idk i know she wasn’t serious but her tone lately has been iffy ?
I feel shes been a bad mum my whole life and she only loves the boys, her 2 adult sons.
Im just at the end with her already
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It just got into a heated argument. I called her out on being besotted with her sons and this made me feel like ■■■■ she replied yes i am but your just saying all this because of who you are and what you are meaning mental illness. I think ive reached the end of my strained relationship with them
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Setting boundaries and distancing oneself from people who belittle you , walk all over you , disrespect you or do not value you or truly love you is probably good for one’s self respect.
I’m trying to distance myself from “family” and “parents” .
Hopefully also remove a horrible arrogant stuck up bully people etc and be surrounded by a better people who can appreciate me and wish me well and care for me and love me .not pretend to while being horrible but genuinely.
No fake s. H it.
I may try to not see them in person again and not email or call but only swap Christmas cards and possibly text in an emergency .
Stuff that went on is outrageous and not ok.
Just a few months ago I sent “mother” a. Photo of me because she hadn’t seen me in four years.
Instead of saying it’s nice to see me she said my eyes look cold and hard and ugly and that her eyes are beautiful and my eyes are ugly.
I sent her a email not long ago this year and it took three months to hear back from her.
Things gone on in past mocking and rideculing my pain and laughing being sadist with her men .
I once as a child said I love you she replied there’s no such thing as love there’s only power.
Which she showed by putting men and sex etc before me and hating me and destroying me and not being able to love me but more pretend to.
I still have love and care for them but their abuse and disrespect and one is diagnosed psychopath and I’m certain others are too just not diagnosed.
Treated sooooo differently than “siblings” who were raised to disrespect and look down at me etc
Can’t compare.
Truly can’t.
Hopefully I’ll find my people.
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I hear you. Unfortunately our mothers are abusive more than they could care to understand. I believe an abusive parent should be prosecuted they shouldn’t be allowed to ■■■■ up a child’s life
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At least i won’t be triggered by her so much now im not seeing her. Ive put my past to rest im at peace with it but she kept triggering me
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My mom has always been critical of me too, but she doesn’t seem to realize that she is doing it. I give her the benefit of the doubt because I want to continue a mother/daughter relationship with her.
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Yes but yours isn’t abusive like ours. Mine has been abusive physically emotionally etc
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Anyway its hard when there critical it is damaging for sure im sorry your going through that a lot
My mum used to be very critical of me, she still is. But I get a massive break from it all because I don’t live in the family home anymore - I’m very fortunate. I don’t think I’d be able to keep my sanity or reasoning if I stayed under the criticism
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Ill be straight up i would like a relationship with parents and have my whole life but my mum particularly is triggering me without me speaking up for myself so she is getting away with it. Im just at the point where i can’t be doing with it anymore. I occasionally stand up for myself but she undermines me saying its mental illness.
My family are very prim and proper because of religious commitments they don’t acknowledge my bad feelings except to dismiss them as mental illness which i find patronising to say the least. So im either badly triggered or without them.
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I am so sorry, Ducky.
Yeah, it sounds like your mom clearly refuses to understand how you feel and probably at this point in life will refuse to change her views of you.
I also get it that her strict religious views are contributing to this.
The only thing I can think to suggest is to try to keep her from triggering you by talking to her only when necessary. Don’t call her to talk or share feelings or concerns with her. Treat her not as an enemy, but with a cool unemotional calmness. This was how my husband worked with me for years when he noticed the screwed up dynamics between me and my mom. When I distanced myself emotionally from my mom some of our tension went away.
Your mom loves you but she may be disappointed in you not being exactly like her. A lot of moms do this with their grown kids and sometimes don’t see the problem.
That’s just my thoughts.
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Thanks @Vinegar thanks for understanding so well i appreciate it and your advice is good.
Im having a break from them for the forseeable the situation is just untenable to me and there seems to be no solution to the many triggers and i can’t just let them walk all over me anymore. They tell all there church pals about me. Whenever theres a time i speak up for myself they throw mental illness back in my face. Ive just had enough of them.
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I think you are handling this as best as you can right now. Hang in there.
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I stewed on it all day today and then rang her and apologised she said no lasting damage and she loves me. I just get where i have to explode and say whats in my head occasionally but all is okay
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